“Brideshead Revisited:

Thomas Hardy Thanks Jude for Kick-Starting Dorset’s

Economic Revival”

Match: 99 / 018

Won by 67 Runs

Team	Total
Jude the Obscure	76 - 4 & 91 - 4
H. Jones 26* & C. Legg 40
Quayside Occasionals	53 - 9 & 47 - 8
G. Da Cenha 3 - 4 & C. Legg 3 - 16

In a public statement released to the media today, one of the big names in the international writing game, Thomas Hardy, personally thanked the Jude the Obscure XI for the boost the team gave to Dorset’s economy during their recent tour of the cash-strapped county. Said the author of such classics as Jude The Obscure, Not Very Close To The Madding Crowd and Oi, On The Head Son, “It’s been a long time since we’ve played host to such an upright and noble bunch of ambassadors for all that is right and proper. Fair play to the Oxford lads and lasses, they’ve given this benighted county a real fillip by showing their smiling faces here. Buy me a pint and I’ll read you some poetry. Are you wearing anything under that?”

The Jude’s tour of the south began with a Friday evening introduction to the picturesque seaside town of Weymouth. The gulls that wheeled and spun in the heavy salt air were a far cry from everyday life in Oxford, and the team sat entranced, sipping on local ale by the quay in The King’s Arms. Many of the Jude squad had never seen the ocean before, and great was the excitement. “Does it really taste of salt?” asked one. “Of course it does!” replied another. “Where do you think they get the stuff to put on our chips?” Later, after M. O’Leary had asked one of the local hostelry workers if she required a chaperone for the rest of the evening, the team split into two groups - some deciding to sample the local Dorset cuisine at The Prince Of Bengal Olde Coffee Inne, and others visiting Harry’s Tea Rooms, where the crumpet was hot and extremely buttery.

The 1999 touring dudes.

The next day dawned bright and cloudless, and after breakfast Non-Committee Members M. Bullock and A. Mann left team mates J. Hoskins and M. Hurley at their digs and took a stroll along the beach. The shallow water lapped placidly at the shore, and the two Oxford lads marvelled at the tethered donkeys and the Punch and Judy show, the deckchairs and gaily coloured screens, and the Bucking Bronco ride on the promenade. Down on the sand, in a traditional English seaside ritual, bawling ill-tempered brats splashed in the water, or hurled abuse at their bloated, red-faced parents, sitting facing France like schools of stranded whales. Yet, all too soon this morning idyll ended, and the lads met up again at The King’s Arms to make their way by cab to the cricket field in the grounds of Bridehead, owned by Sir Richard Williams of Little Bredy.

This picturesque playing field, surrounded on three sides by green forested hills where buzzards dove and tacked against the wind, and sheep and cows baaed and mooed their summer songs, and leading on the fourth side beyond a wild hedgerow, then deeper still, into a shaded valley where the proud Williams mansionhouse stood testament to the enduring if somewhat dilapidated state of the English aristocracy, seemed on that hot and still afternoon imbued with a subtle but affecting potency, as though the circle of markers around the fresh mown meadow were nothing if not the outer limits of a magic ring. Stepping beyond the confines of this circle and onto the field of play, the Jude team might have imagined that Mother Nature herself had reserved this moment for them to wonder at and savour, that the splendours of an enchanted English summer were encapsulated in this one day. The whole vale seemed to ring with the echos of past summers, just as their being there today would echo into the future; just as their voices echoed now from the surrounding hillsides.

The Quayside Occasionals - the Jude’s Weymouth-based opposition - soon arrived with their small following and, with beer and assorted victuals on the way, courtesy of Nigel Sawyer, their gracious host for the weekend, the game began in earnest beneath the cloudless sky. Sixteen overs per side per innings was agreed upon, but several of the Oxford team had not yet arrived at the ground, so when Jude Captain E. Lester won the toss, he gave the Occasionals first taste of the blistering heat and put them into the field. After the early departure of Jude wicketkeeper M. Bullock (0) and J. Hoskins (1), an in-form M. Hurley (25), showing no ill effects from the previous evening’s carousing, set about the bowling with relish, going shot for shot with the redoubtable H. Jones (26 n.o.) in a valuable partnership of 29. M. O’Leary (0) struggled, but A. Mann (10 n.o.) played a useful part with his first foray into double figures. 14 extras boosted the Jude’s first innings to a creditable 76-4.

The Occasionals began their innings robustly, with R. Williams (20) flaying the attack, but E. Lester (3-12) soon cut a swathe through the top order, clean bowling the first three batsmen. The welcome addition to the line-up of C. Legg (2-9) and Jude debutante G. Da Cenha (3-4), both of whom had arrived late after taking part in a smash-up derby, quickly saw off the middle order, and with A. Mann (1-13) chipping in, the Occasionals staggered to 53-9, with only R. Smith (9) putting up any late resistance. It was during this innings that Quayside’s D. Johnson (3) began his afternoon programme. Johnson, who it was later discovered had recently been expelled from the Dorset Academy of Clownsmanship (Weymouth Branch) for what the tutors had described as ‘complete and utter unfunniness’, apparently still harboured a strong desire to be be a clown. Thinking that if he put on a show for the visiting Jude team, he could both gain some experience before a live crowd and perhaps count it as a performance credit if he reapplied for the clownsmanship course, Johnson indulged in some crass antics and goofy tomfoolery which might have endeared him to onlookers had it not been completely and utterly unfunny.

Bolstered by the versatile C. Legg (40) and E. Lester (25), in their 2nd Innings the Jude drove home their advantage to finish on 91-4. A. Mann (15 n.o.) once again improved on his top score, and M. O’Leary (3) was all aggression. H. Jones (1 n.o.) faced only one ball.

This left the Occasionals the daunting task of scoring 115 from 16 overs to win the match. By now, however, the beer and heat had taken a toll, and the Jude completed a deserved victory, as their opponents battled to 47-8. H. Jones (2-6) found form with the ball, and C. Legg (3-16) put in a strong bid for Man Of The Match. Overall, the game was played in fine spirit in entrancing surroundings, and, as the last over was bowled accurately by M. Hurley, the sheep bleated their approval from the overlooking hillsides. (A word here about D. Johnson who, if anything, might be praised for persisting in his dream of making it as a buffoon with a red nose in a funny suit. After all, without our dreams, what are we but prisoners of the mundane? It was in this last innings that Johnson brought out his best material. Standing as Clownpire, he called some ‘joke’ wides and no balls, and even invented several new cricket rules. While batting, he improvised a shoulder charge on C. Legg which, if it had been remotely amusing, would no doubt have had the crowd and players in paroxysms of delight. However, if this really is the best that Johnson can do, then perhaps he must after all face up to the fact that a career in the competitive world of clowning is simply not for him.)

Some trees by a cricket ground.

After the the game, the two teams made their way to The Brewer’s Arms in nearby Martinstown, where some of the Jude team had been camping overnight. It was Nigel’s birthday, so a slap-up meal, copious beers, and much japery was planned, followed by an excursion into the metropolis of Weymouth to hunt down some of the local wildlife.

The next day could hardly compare with the previous, so remarkable and transporting had been that particular game of cricket, but the Jude were never ones to shirk a challenge, and a bowling tournament was organised with which to sate the team’s urges, sadly unfulfilled the previous evening. C. Norris and R. Bestwick drove down from Oxford to take part in this spectacle and, along with Nigel, joined the rest of the Jude team in as fine an exhibition of ninepins as had been seen in the region for many a year. A very competitive tourney saw J. Hoskins take the first prize from M. O’Leary, with third-placeman M. Hurley’s performance being especially commendable for the highest single tally of the day.

By now, however, the evening was threatening to draw in. A quick stop at the Thomas Hardy Monument, where the local writer was signing copies of his new book, and the happy band drove in convoy to Hive Beach for one last adventure. Word of the Jude’s arrival in Dorset had spread, so that no sooner had the team set foot upon the hot sand that a crowd began to gather around, crying out for another demonstration of skill or daring from the athletic squad. The kitbag had been left up at the cars, so there was no chance of a quick show of cricketing prowess, but thankfully someone had brought a football, and the Jude players were able to well satisfy the surrounding mob, many of them drunk and looking for trouble, with a display of great throwing accuracy involving the football and possibly ten thousand or more rocks and hunks of clay. At last, as the sun was setting, the local crowd dispersed with some tales to tell, and the Jude were able to make their way from the beach and begin their long journey home.

All in all this was a marvellous tour. Thanks must go to Nigel Sawyer for all the work he did to make it possible; he went out of his way to make us welcome, and without him none of it would have happened. Thanks also to the Quayside Occasionals for providing such stout opposition; and also to D. Johnson for a display of clowning which, although not in any way at all amusing, was however undertaken with the best of intentions.

‘Blocker’

*

Statto Scorecards

Jude the Obscure versus the Quayside Occasionals Played at Little Bredy, 24 July 1999 Jude the Obscure won the toss and elected to bat Jude the Obscure won by 67 runs Far from the MCC debuts: Michael O’Leary (033), Gus Da Cenha (034)

99 / 018 2 x 16 over match

Team	Jude the Obscure – 1st innings
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. Hurley	c Williams b Armstrong	25				3-45
2	M. Bullock +	c and b Johnson	0				1-11
3	J. D. Hoskins	b Chapman	1				2-16
4	H. Jones	not out	26				-
5	M. S. P. O’Leary	b Armstrong	0				4-64
6	A. G. Mann	not out	10				-
7	E. N. Lester *
8	C. Legg
9	G. Da Cenha
10
11
	Extras	(W11,B3)	14
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 16 overs)	76

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Johnson	4	1	10	1
2	Chapman	4	1	16	1
3	Armstrong	4	1	12	2
4	Thornton	1	0	12	0
5	Williams	3	0	23	0

Team	Quayside Occasionals – 1st innings
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Armstrong	b Lester	6
2	D. Chapman	b Lester	1
3	R. Williams	b Lester	20
4	J. Thornton	c Jones b Legg	0
5	D. Johnson	b Mann	3
6	Adrian	lbw b Da Cenha	1
7	Darren	c Mann b Da Cenha	3
8	D. Morris	c Lester b Da Cenha	0
9	Roger	b Legg	9
10	Andy	not out	2
11	N. Sawyer
	Extras	(NB6,B1, LB1)	8
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 16 overs)	53

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Jones	3	1	12	0
2	Lester	4	0	11	3
3	Mann	4	0	13	1
4	Legg	3	1	9	2
5	Da Cenha	2	0	4	3

Team	Jude the Obscure – 2nd innings
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	C. Legg	lbw b Williams	40				3-89
2	G. Da Cenha	c Johnson b Chapman	1				1-7
3	E. N. Lester *	b Williams	25				2-63
4	A. G. Mann	not out	15				-
5	M. S. P. O’Leary	b Armstrong	3				4-90
6	H. Jones	not out	1				-
7	J. D. Hoskins
8	M. Bullock +
9	M. Hurley
10
11
	Extras	(W5, B1)	6
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 16 overs)	91

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Johnson	4	0	23	0
2	Chapman	4	0	23	1
3	Williams	4	0	15	1
4	Armstrong	4	0	26	1

Team	Quayside Occasionals – 2nd innings
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	Andy	b Hoskins	0
2	Roger	b Legg	7
3	D. Morris	b Jones	5
4	Darren	b Jones	1
5	D. Johnson	c and b Legg	0
6	J. Armstrong	c Mann b Legg	0
7	N. Sawyer	run out	0
8	R. Williams	b Da Cenha	10
9	J. Thornton	not out	10
10	D. Chapman	not out	2
11	Adrian
	Extras	(NB7, B5)	12
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 16 overs)	47

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Hoskins	4	1	6	1
2	Jones	4	0	6	2
3	Mann	2	0	5	0
4	Legg	3	0	16	3
5	Da Cenha	1	0	1	1
6	Lester	2	0	8	0

MOTM: n/a Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet Award: H. Jones and C. Legg’s combined fish n’ chip banquet

Opposition: V014 / 01 Ground: G007 / 01 Captain: C001 / 16