“Naval Historians Aghast as Titanick Rises to
the Surface
In Minehead and Drops Anchor”
Match: 03
/ 077
Lost
by 68 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Minehead CC |
242 - 5 |
|
S. Hebbes 1 - 20 |
|
|
|
|
|
Wootton & Bladon CC |
174 |
|
I. Howarth 60, J. Hoskins
17 |
|
|
Startled Pensioners gathered on the Boundary
in Minehead, scratching their heads in amazement as they saw the great hulk
break the surface with a resounding whimper in the middle of the cricket
ground. “My Uncle died on that ship, with a pet squirrel”, murmured one
despondent character over his pint of Natch. The sunken beast, bearing the
name upon its shoulders proceeded to settle in the field, dropped anchor and
decided not to move for the rest of the afternoon. “Nothing will move that
ship!” cried another spectator, “Not even a Westmoreland Brick!”
Two of the friendly locals who enjoyed our pasting. Not suffering at all from running the hotel
dry of Natch the night before and fielding for 75.5 overs (courtesy of Jake
The Cake’s extra special deliveries) in searing Somerset heat the day before,
digging balls out of urinals and catching bullets projected off moving cars, The
MAD approached their first tour game with what can be said as a ‘modicum’ of
enthusiasm. Fielding under the Vice Mad Captain (aka Captain Impersonator
50p) S. Dobner, the troops were roused to take to the field first after
Dobner lost his first toss (50p).
M. Westmoreland opened the bowling for The
MAD and henceforth the term Buffet Bowling, first mentioned the previous day,
will be immortalised in the terminoMadgry. But
never has a Buffet included a Brick, never until now, where in the first
dramatic over opening Minehead batsman B. Hamblin tonked the Northerner clean
into the Pavilion, narrowly avoiding the glasswork. So set the trend as
openers filled their boots with Savouries and Sweets, getting 50 runs on the
board in as many seconds. Controversially S. Dobner made a dramatic bowling
change (50p) after the openers had gone for 75 and bowled the master Calypso
action. B. Hamblin bowled for 52. Granted this would only have been 22 if the
home umpire wasn’t scared shitless of the skip that he refused to give him
run out when three foot short of his crease (bitter, me? Never)
Joint opener followed shortly after, by
square legging a ball from Skip straight into the waiting loading bay of the
Titanick, who didn’t move an inch. Wickets falling, The MAD felt they had
made the breakthrough as striding to the crease came their very own Doc
Mander. Easy money thought The MAD, we know how to
get this nurdling nurdler out for a nurdle.
Sixty-three minutes later they were proved right. After an amazing innings of
pull shots, cuts and fairly straight drives Doc left the crease gleaming proudly,
with 28 runs under his stethoscope.
Replacing him was someone shorter, sporting
an oversized helmet who displayed the most correct cricket action I have ever
seen. He’s eleven, his Christian name is Josh, and I’m not telling you his
surname until I get my bet on for him to play for Somerset and England. It
was this point in the match that the toils of the first two days on tour
prevailed. There is no doubt about it, The MAD were abysmal in the field. The
sledgers turned on their own men, and confidence sagged amongst the outfield.
We knew things were bad when a black Cat appeared out of nowhere, and plodded
across the field as if he was hunting mice in a meadow. An omen of how things
were, rather than things to come we hoped. Only E. Lester (5-0-27-1) and S.
Hebbes for his performance on the track (7-1-20-1), and also for the wittiest
sledge on tour claiming his brother had dropped anchor, shone like prunes in
mud, but HEY we all enjoyed it didn’t we? 242 for the loss of 5 wickets, Josh
24 not out.
Minehead, innit. S. Dobner was clearly not happy with his
troops (50p), but as the Snatch flowed, as did the confidence of the talk on
the Pavilion steps. “Forty more than we got against Wootton” was whispered
around…”No problem, where’s the bar?” I. Howarth (60) opened with The Cake (10) in
admirable fashion, eyeing up the Westmoreland Brick with a glint in his eye,
and although wickets fell (Titanick still barely moving with 1, Calypso 6,
and Take Me Home 14), the Spamley remained,
breaking through the fifty like it wasn’t there, and with his Chem Bro
joining him in the middle.
Great
innings Ian, but not a century, eh? The Flash lived up to his nickname, flaying
balls to the boundary for a quick 16. But the opposition had noticed a flaw
in Accrington Spamley’s play. “Give him the
twelve-year old”, the skip cried, and Howarth’s crosshairs settled on the
Pavilion window. Bowling a crafty little ball, dead on the stumps (what
cheek), the Spam swung, and the bails flew. It was only a matter of time
before The MAD batsmen were all out after slight tail wagging by J. Hoskins
(17 - run out, when clearly I should have been in as
I was three foot out of my crease but I’m not bitter), and S. “Average
Protection” Hebbes (13*)
A respectable batting display saw The MAD
strike out to 174, retiring to a local curry house to mull the day over and
fine the Debut Captain for further dubious crimes such as average protection
and not living up to his nickname by not calling “Yes No Yes Bugger!” After
succumbing to a record fining, and getting fined for that, rebate was given
to the Skip for having to put up with the most lackadaisical fielding display
ever witnessed by Titanic survivors. The games had begun, but could a victory be
returned…? ‘Hoskers’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from The Madding Crowd CC versus Minehead CC Played at Alcombe, 17 August 2003 Far from The Madding Crowd CC won the toss and elected to field Minehead CC won by 68 runs Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
03 / 077 35 over match |
|
Team |
Minehead
CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
B. Hamblin |
b Harris |
52 |
|
|
|
|
|
2 |
G. Paviour |
c N. Hebbes b
Dobner |
16 |
|
|
|
|
|
3 |
J. Baker |
b Lester |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
4 |
A. M. Mander |
c Howarth b Harris |
28 |
|
|
|
|
|
5 |
T. Barney |
b S. Hebbes |
49 |
|
|
|
|
|
6 |
Josh |
not out |
24 |
|
|
|
|
|
7 |
Dinesh |
not out |
45 |
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
D. Bowditch |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
R. Powys |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W14, B11, LB1) |
27 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 35 overs) |
242 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Westmoreland |
4 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Dobner |
5 |
0 |
39 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Lester |
5 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
S. Hebbes |
7 |
1 |
20 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Harris |
5 |
0 |
35 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Hoskins |
4 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Smith |
5 |
0 |
37 |
0 |
|
|
Team |
Far from The Madding Crowd CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
I. Howarth |
b Bowditch |
60 |
(46) |
8 |
- |
4-100 |
|
2 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
b Barney |
10 |
(8) |
2 |
- |
1-17 |
|
3 |
N. J. Hebbes |
b Barney |
1 |
(11) |
- |
- |
2-48 |
|
4 |
J. Harris |
c Dinesh b Baker |
6 |
(21) |
1 |
- |
3-83 |
|
5 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
c Hamblin b Dinesh |
14 |
(21) |
2 |
- |
5-119 |
|
6 |
T. P. W. Smith |
c and b Dinesh |
16 |
(21) |
2 |
- |
7-143 |
|
7 |
M. Bullock + |
b Dinesh |
2 |
(7) |
- |
- |
6-133 |
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
run out |
17 |
(19) |
3 |
- |
9-157 |
|
9 |
E. N. Lester |
b Dinesh |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
8-144 |
|
10 |
S. Hebbes |
not out |
13 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
S. L. P. Dobner * |
lbw b Dinesh |
4 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
10-174 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W14, B7, LB8) |
31 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 29.5 overs) |
174 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Barney |
5 |
1 |
22 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Powys |
4 |
0 |
33 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Bowditch |
4 |
0 |
29 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Baker |
6 |
1 |
33 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Dinesh |
5.5 |
1 |
16 |
5 |
|
|
6 |
Paviour |
3 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Josh |
2 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: n/a Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet
Award: J. D. Hoskins and M. T. Westmoreland’s
Greek salad (with sides) |
Opposition:
V030 / 01 Ground: G021 / 01 Captain: C008 / 01 |