“MAD Enter into Great Hat Debate”

Match: 04 / 087

Lost by 20 runs

Team	Total
Wootton & Bladon CC	196 - 7
S. Hebbes 3 - 37, N. Hebbes 2 - 25
FFTMCCC	176 - 9
I. Howarth 34, N. Hebbes 28

“Should a bowler wear a hat while bowling? I’d really like to know.” So once said renowned French goalkeeper Albert Camus, and the question remains to this day. Should a bowler wear a hat while bowling? Should a bowler wear a hat at any time? Indeed, should a bowler ever wear anything at all? “Bowlers are entitled to wear whatever they like in the way of headgear, no matter what anybody might say,” according to Far from the MCCC captain J. Hoskins. “Sometimes I’ll wear a hat, other times I won’t. For instance, today against Wootton, I went hatless in my first spell then in my next I chose to wear a floppy white one despite certain people on the field drawing my hat to general attention. Am I hattist for not choosing to don my hat, or part of the pro-hat lobby when I put it on? Or am I just a bowler not wearing, then wearing, a hat? For that matter, when I am not bowling, am I still a bowler, or is it only when I’m at the wicket with ball in hand that I can be called that? Chew on that one, hmmm?”

There was further hat interplay during today’s game on the oddly sloping ground at Cowley, interplay which raised tantalising questions and then left them tantalisingly unanswered. During the Wootton innings, Mad bowler A. Mann began his run-up with his baseball cap still on his head, at which point the opposing batsman called out, “You’re wearing your hat!” Mann consequently removed the hat and handed it to the umpire, and continued his spell hatless despite the hot sun overhead. Then, late in the day, as The MAD were drifting in desultory fashion towards their second consecutive defeat, I. Howarth umpiring was heard to introduce incoming bat S. Hebbes to the Wootton player at bowl with the words, “Right arm over, with hat,” thus signalling to the new batsman in typical umpiring shorthand that the bowler’s action was right arm over the wicket, with hat. Fascinating examples of hatwork such as these will of course be added to the great reservoir of hat lore, even as the hat debate rages on. And on. And….

“Does my head look big in this?”

Notwithstanding the seductive enticements of the hat debate, with scores of 196-7 and 176-9, this game between Wootton & Bladon and FFTMCCC was certainly a numerologist’s delight if you believe in any of that crap (although as it happens I prefer to keep an open mind). Yet what cannot be denied is that by the time the throb of bangra and that jangly world music stuff drifting across from the Cowley Road Carnival had come to an end (thus, if you will have it, signalling the close of play), The MAD had lost again and had indeed been lost for some time, the chase having at some indeterminate point faltered and then foundered, despite the ultimate closeness in the scores.

For a supposed grudge match this was a tame affair. Perhaps it was the heat which took the sting from the game, but after the prickly meeting of the previous season, won convincingly by The MAD, there seemed to be an almost overwhelming urge on the part of players from both sides to be polite and understanding to the point of embarrassment. Even when one Wootton batsman, fresh to the crease, was on the receiving end of a sharp and painful blow from the ball deflecting off the gloves of T. Smith keeping wicket, it was easy to tell that his response of, “What the fleck? Fock off you cunk!” was placatory rather than provocative, and The MAD rejoinder, “Yes well move your fat arse you stupid dick and what’s the deal with that baggy ultra-cricketer type shirt and barely disguised swagger, feckface?” even more so. Later, when J. Hotson, looking less like a 1950s pop star every week, was also hit by the ball, this time on the head as he shielded his stumps from a fielder’s throw, he made no complaint at all, simply rummaging in his hair at the point of impact to make sure his supply of roaches hadn’t been squashed flat.

Winning the toss as usual, J. Hoskins inserted the opposition, and the Wootton openers began cautiously with A. Mann (0-19, occasional hat) and I. Howarth (0-15, no hat) keeping it tight at the start. S. Hebbes (3-37, hatless) came on and promptly broke through, but the Wootton order rode their luck as J. Hoskins (0-46, hat optional) was hit about. N. Hebbes (2-25, hat avoidance) once again demonstrated his all-rounder credentials, and M. Westmoreland took a fine catch over his shoulder looking at the sun (hat, sunglasses) to help stifle the run feast, but by the time S. Dobner (2-37, unhatted) had cleaned up the tail-end cross-bat brigade, Wootton & Bladon (many hats) had posted a formidable 196-7 and retired to the box seats, those of them that could fit.

Some of the gorgeous artwork that flanks the Cowley Marshes.

The MAD batted well, but in the face of sensible Wootton bowling, never really got to grips with the required run rate. Howarth top-scored with 34, before his smaller than normal hands lost their grip on the bat handle and the ball flew high to the covers even as the bat went the other way. His partnership of 35 with J. Hotson (9) yet again provided the groundwork, but although M. Westmoreland (27) made an impression, overs were soon running short and it was never going to be enough. T. Mander (0) top-edged one to mid-wicket, and A. Fisher (0) went first ball to a pieman. S. Dobner (3) gained the distinction of giving himself out twice, firstly short of his ground but called back after J. Hoskins umpiring at square leg woke from his nap to concede that he hadn’t been watching the cricket at all, only dreaming of a time when the village of Wootton might sink without trace into a giant pit of phlegm and bile, second time when Hoskins umpiring at the stumps was making some calls to construction companies to get quotes for excavating machines. Dobner had to raise his own finger in response to the bowler’s vociferous lbw appeal, then trudge off amazed at the depths of his sporting nature.

T. Smith (19) looked to be hitting form just as N. Hebbes either ran him out or didn’t, just ask both of them, and when Hebbes (28) departed soon after, it was all but over. With 60 needed from the last four overs, S. Hebbes (15) came in and hit the pie people briskly about, and A. Mann (18 n.o.) did likewise, pie pie pie, as well as cracking a ball into short leg’s ribby chest, yeah that guy standing two yards from the bat what the hell do you expect? J. Hoskins (5 n.o.) had blugger all chance to do anything but be there at the end.

After the game, The MAD retired to the home of Mr. Howarth to watch England v France in the group stage of Euro 2004, which was just dandy until the last three minutes….

‘Blocker’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from The Madding Crowd CC versus Wootton & Bladon CC Played at Cowley Marshes, 13 June 2004 Far from The Madding Crowd CC won the toss and elected to field Wootton & Bladon CC won by 20 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

04 / 087 35 over match

Team	Wootton & Bladon CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	W. Dale	b S. Hebbes	7
2	A. Pars	b N. Hebbes	69
3	Leo	b S. Hebbes	13
4	T. Allen	c Westmoreland b N. Hebbes	36
5	S. Poole *	not out	29
6	M. Bateman	b S. Hebbes	5
7	D. De Bono	b Dobner	7
8	A. Hambridge	b Dobner	0
9	S. Edwards	not out	1
10	J. De Bono
11
	Extras		19
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 35 overs)	196

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Mann	7	2	19	0
2	Howarth	3	0	15	0
3	N. Hebbes	7	0	25	2
4	S. Hebbes	7	0	37	3
5	Hoskins	4	0	46	0
6	Dobner	7	0	37	2

Team	Far from The Madding Crowd CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	c b Poole	34	(51)	7	-	2-54
2	J. C. W. Hotson	c and b Edwards	9	(29)	1	-	1-35
3	M. T. Westmoreland	c Poole b Leo	27	(30)	5	-	5-84
4	A. M. Mander	c J. De Bono b Leo	0	(3)	-	-	3-64
5	S. L. P. Dobner	lbw b Poole	3	(10)	-	-	4-73
6	N. J. Hebbes	b J. De Bono	28	(39)	6	-	8-140
7	T. P. W. Smith	run out	19	(23)	4	-	6-132
8	A. J. Fisher +	c and b Dale	0	(1)	-	-	7-132
9	A. G. Mann	not out	18	(14)	4	-	-
10	S. Hebbes	b J. De Bono	15	(10)	3	-	9-166
11	J. D. Hoskins *	not out	5	(2)	1	-	-
	Extras	(NB3; W12; LB2; B1)	18
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	176

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Bateman	7	0	37	0
2	Edwards	7	2	13	1
3	Poole	7	0	34	2
4	Leo	6	0	34	2
5	J. De Bono	4	0	33	2
6	Dale	2	0	20	1
7	D. De Bono	2	0	19	0

MOTM: N. J. Hebbes and S. Hebbes Champagne Moment: M. T. Westmoreland’s super catch in the deep Buffet Award: J. D. Hoskins’ tasty marzipan cakes

Opposition: V027 / 03 Ground: G006 / 08 Captain: C006 / 20