“Captain Scott Left Out in the Cold”

Match: 05 / 112

Lost by 5 wkts

Team	Total
FFTMCC	110
I. Howarth 54
Timberscombe CC	114 - 5
J. Harris 2 - 18

The weather had been poor, and the spirit amongst my men was dampened by inactivity. We arrived at the village of Timberscombe a ramshackle lot. The dogs were showing signs of malnutrition, and the men were suffering from a lack of vitamin C – this had led to scurvy in some – but fortunately our doctor, T. Mander, had dealt with the more severe cases when time allowed. We were informed by the villagers, that the local ale, a cider named Natch, contained the vitamins required to continue our journey, but this had proved inaccurate – my men were weak and dark around the eyes. Some of them even gave the appearance of being under the influence.

The pretty ground of Timberscombe.

A break in the clouds allowed the sun to burn through and splash our pallid skin. I took this opportunity to organise a brief football game with a huge yellow tennis ball. I was hoping this exercise might boost morale in the ranks, and that my men would find the heart to battle onwards towards our goal. The game was a clumsy affair, noted as much for off-the-ball fouling as to the skill displayed on it. The Skins ran out 2-1 winners over the Shirts, but fouling was the winner. It seemed good to halt proceedings at this point, as members of my expedition were looking fatigued. Oarsman, J. Hoskins, was holding his head, and stalwart S. Dobner was searching for breath.

The Skins reflect on a glorious 2-1 win over the Shirts.

Despite our early arrival at the base camp of Timberscombe, I was concerned at the lack of populace. In fact, if it weren’t for one stray local, I would have considered the place deserted and our journey wasted. It was with no small relief when the villagers finally arrived, promising my party a healthy selection of bread, meat and hot drinks. This was on the condition of us agreeing to one small assignment before we carried on our way – a cricket match utilising a nearby farmer’s field. With the promise of such rewards, it took little persuasion to get my men to agree to these strange terms. Game on as they say.

After meeting the village’s nominated captain for the day, Dibble, I strode to the wicket for a pre-game inspection. The wicket was of questionable quality, and showed signs of wear and tear due to the recent poor weather in these climbs. I enquired as to their captain’s thinking, and after receiving a deafening silence, decided I had no idea whether it would be worse to bat first on it, or worse second time round. Alas, I called the toss correctly, so the choice lay squarely with me. I looked to the heavens, maybe for inspiration – there was rain about, so maybe we have first dig in case the match were to be abandoned due to the elements? That was my reasoning, and at least my men could gather their remaining strength, pitch side, whilst the villagers did the running.

Captain Scott makes a right twat of himself after calling the toss.

After formally addressing my men, issuing them with numbers in the sequence they would bat, and affording them kit, I decided to wander, lonely as a cloud, to a small-dilapidated hut where a local would scribble the details of this sport. I hadn’t walked far when cries alerted me to J. Harris being bowled for 2. Only moments later, S. Dobner had retreated for 4, and J. Hoskins for a duck. Things descended into chaos when my reliable second-in-command, D. Edwards, also departed, this time for 6. I scratched my head and looked to the scoreboard by the hut: 13 for 4. This was not good. This was not good at all.

Quickly, I retreated at pace back to our group’s small dwelling, where my men looked on with bemusement. I chided them for their careless approach to the game, and their general lack of application. C’mon! Show some spirit! Bear your souls! Unfortunately, my words of encouragement seemed to fall on deaf ears, as I lost 3 more of my men. N. Hebbes, bowled for 6, the doctor, T. Mander, caught for 4, and then, worst of all, the hardened M. Westmoreland bowled without troubling the scorers. What was this? Treason? 36 for 7? My men needed an example. They needed an example of how real men should battle in situations like this. I could not accept the excuses I was hearing, nor could I contend with the bad luck stories being paraded out. Now was the time for action – to counter this debacle!

S. Dobner (4) resumes his pinball dismissal routine.

I found myself at the crease with J. Hotson. A young man of slim build, who’s lack of physical strength was more than made up by his determination to best himself. He was a fine foil for my cavalier riposte to these Timberscombe villagers. Whilst I would look to slash my blade, Hotson, or Hotson-Pike as his comrades knew him, would get everything behind the ball and refuse to bow down. It was far from attractive, but I had found myself an able and willing ally in battle. The score progressed past fifty, and with the shiny piece of leather rebounding off a pitch-side tree, I neared my own fifty. On completion of this, I turned to my shamefaced men, and shouted my intent “…fear not men, I will do this, be it on my own - but I will see this task shall be done.” I then suffered a spasm of self-importance, forgot my humble position in this world, and was caught the very next ball for 54. We were now 94 for 8.

D. Edwards (6) finds the going tough out in the middle.

Having left J. Hotson to fend for himself, he was quickly engulfed and bowled for 1. I felt guilty at not supporting my charge further, but my own headstrong actions had dented my ability to act rationally. My mood was slightly improved by B. Mander (7*) and M. Bullock (9) showing some defiance at the death to take our team total to 110. It was a pitifully low score, but much better than I had at one time feared. There was nothing more I could do – other than galvanise my men for the innings of the Timberscombe locals. I ordered my men to eat, to fill their empty stomachs and restore their energy levels for one last hurrah. If we were going to be beaten by these villagers, then we were going down with a fight! I hadn’t travelled the globe performing acts of heroism for my empire to be beaten in a game of cricket by a bunch of bandits!

T. Mander finds himself in bat rather earlier than expected.

Once my small party had devoured their food and slacked their thirst on warm tea, I set about positioning them in the field and organising my bowling attack. It was imperative we got off to a good start, and very important I lifted the heads of some of my men. S. Dobner, who had seemed broody and dark since his earlier dismissal, was thrown the ball and ordered to show some heart. He did, showing excellent economy with figures of 5-2-4-0, as did Westmoreland (5-1-14-1), whose opening salvo saw the villagers reduced to 1-1. Timberscombe then played their ace trump, P. Sparks, head of the village, and a man I’d most like to share a beer. A real man, full of purpose and authority, and the kind of gentleman who is befitting of these times. Together with his female sibling, H. Sparks, they took the total to 32, before I caught the young lass off the uncanny bowling of D. Edwards for 3. And when J. Hoskins (6-2-17-1) further reduced the villagers to 33 for 3, I sensed daylight.

My optimism was short-lived however, as P. Sparks set about bludgeoning our novice attack to all parts of the village. Edwards (8-2-16-1), with that crazy action of his, checked the villagers run chase, but it was with his hands that he was next to be applauded, catching a fine skier off J. Harris to leave Timberscombe 85 for 4. Harris (2.2-0-18-2) enjoyed a further scalp, that of the impressive Mr. Sparks for 64, to a neat catch behind the wicket by Bullock, but our little total was never really defendable – the damage had been done. I did try my own arm (2-0-3-0), as did B. Mander (2-0-22-0), and as did N. Hebbes (1-0-9-0), but the result was inevitable. As B. Robinson struck the winning runs for the villagers, I shook the hand of their captain, Dibble, and thanked him for the contest, and the spirit in which it had been played.

The scorebox soon resembled a gypsy caravan.

It was now time to pack up and continue on our way. I was disappointed with my men on this day. I felt their inner strength was lacking, and that even with my most noble leadership at their disposal, they had failed miserably to come up to standard. I command respect, utter respect, but I wanted my men to respect themselves, and this result did little to underline this hope. Young Hotson showed the resolve I was looking for, and maybe, just maybe, his time may come? Though I must admit to finding a small envelope by my sleeping bag the morning after the match, which read “I am just going outside, and I may be some time.”

Odd. I wonder what the young fellow was thinking?

‘Captain Scott’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Timberscombe CC Played at Timberscombe, 31 July 2005 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Timberscombe CC won by 5 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none

05 / 112 35 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Harris	b C. Hill	2	(3)	-	-	1-2
2	S. L. P. Dobner	b Robinson	4	(6)	1	-	2-6
3	D. M. Edwards	b C. Hill	6	(11)	1	-	4-13
4	J. D. Hoskins	b Robinson	0	(5)	-	-	3-13
5	A. M. Mander	c N. Hill b Dibble	4	(17)	-	-	6-37
6	N. J. Hebbes	b Lang	6	(20)	1	-	5-27
7	I. Howarth *	c N. Hill b Webber	54	(36)	10	1	8-92
8	M. T. Westmoreland	b Lang	0	(7)	-	-	7-37
9	J. C. W. Hotson	b N. Hill	1	(33)	-	-	9-95
10	B. J. Mander	not out	7	(13)	1	-	-
11	M. Bullock +	c Dibble b N. Hill	9	(14)	2	-	10-110
	Extras	(NB2, W13, B2)	17
	TOTAL	(all out, 27.1 overs)	110

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	C. Hill	3	1	9	2
2	Robinson	2	1	4	2
3	Dibble	6	1	24	1
4	Laing	6	1	16	2
5	N. Hill	5.1	0	13	2
6	Webber	3	0	19	1
7	Osborne	2	0	12	0

Team	Timberscombe CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. Summerskill	b Westmoreland	0	(6)	-	-	1-1
2	H. Sparks	c Howarth b Edwards	3	(39)	-	-	2-32
3	C. Nevada	c Bullock b Harris	64	(91)	7	1	5-98
4	C. Hill	b Hoskins	1	(8)	-	-	3-33
5	B. Robinson	c Edwards b Harris	19	(37)	2	-	4-85
6	N. Hill	not out	6	(5)	1	-	-
7	J. Dibble	not out	8	(2)	2	-	-
8	Laing
9	Webber
10	Osborne
11
	Extras	(W3, LB3, B7)	13
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 31.2 overs)	114

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Dobner	5	2	4	0
2	Westmoreland	5	1	14	1
3	Hoskins	6	2	17	1
4	Edwards	8	2	16	1
5	B. Mander	2	0	22	0
6	Howarth	2	0	3	0
7	Harris	2.2	0	18	2
8	Hebbes	1	0	9	0

MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s champagne six back off a telegraph pole Buffet Award: B. J. Mander’s strawberry cheesecake (deluxe)

Opposition: V032 / 03 Ground: G023 / 03 Captain: C007 / 04