“Netherlands 1 England 0”

Match: 05 / 118

Lost by 35 runs

Team	Total
Rood en Wit XI (Haarlem CC)	148 - 8
A. Mann 3 - 13, J. Hoskins 2 - 27
FFTMCC	113
J. Harris 29, D. Edwards 27

Famous Dutch people: Van Gogh, Van der Valk, Marco Van Basten, Ruud Van Nistelrooy, …and er, Denise Van Outen, Van Morrison, 1984 Diesel Bedford Van, Van Quished, Van Ity, Van Helsing, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Van Halen… yeah, you kind of get the picture.

Finally, after days of negotiations with various groundsmen, universities and colleges, Cholsey came up trumps – they offered the use of their Premier pot-holed runway as venue for a friendly against a touring Dutch team. On arriving at the Red Lion pub in Cholsey prior to the match, Rood en Wit were extremely grateful for the efforts of No-MAD skipper J. Hoskins, promising him cheap drugs and hardcore porn should the No-MAD ever return the fixture by touring Rotterdam and The Hague.

N. Hebbes takes guard on Baghdad’s main airstrip.

His work in securing a ground for the fixture was exemplary, but Mr. Hoskins’ once famed ability for tossing was again in absence as the Dutch won the toss under hot blue skies and chose to bat first. This may or may not have saved the skipper a difficult choice, for although the No-MAD are historically a better team when batting first, the vagaries of the Cholsey pitch would always suggest “seeing how the opposition get on first.”

After a robust opening few overs in which J. Harris (3-0-24-1) had been carted to various surrounding hedgerows, he suckered Dutch opener Loeb who had danced down the track, and rattled his woodwork to leave the tourists on 24-1. This quickly became 39-4 as Australian import, A. Mann (6-0-13-3), enjoyed some fine end of season form to rip out the Rood en Wit top order. I. Howarth (5-0-22-1) then enjoyed the rarity of a slip-catch off his own bowling, whilst the skipper (7-2-27-2) bowled with control and intelligence in tossing his assortment of pies into cracks and divots outside the batsmen’s off stump. There was even time for No-MAD stalwart, M. Bullock (3-0-3-1), to exercise his leg-spin and screw one delivery though the batsman’s pads to leave the Dutch tottering on 79-7. So good so far.

“Watch out for incoming mortar fire!”

When is a friendly not a friendly? And when is an occasion more important than a result? In any game, the participants would be likelier the happier if they prevailed by taking gold, but sometimes it seems less important when new friends are made and the integrity of the sport is upheld. Saturday seemed to be a case in point, and realising the nature of the match, J. Hoskins removed his strike bowlers and allowed the Dutch some time to pose a score of respectability. Whether or not Rood en Wit would have finalised a decent total against a more potent attack is open to debate, but after feasting on J. Hotson’s asparagus salad (2-0-28-0), our Dutch friends gained some momentum towards the end of their knock and posted 148-8, their skipper S. Capel slogging 41 not out.

More cheese than you can throw an Edam at.

Tea. And what a fine spread it was. Gardener, D. Edwards, had procured a wonderful buffet in advance of the match by stopping in on his local bakery – but the question his team mates really wanted answering was why he hadn’t just sent his missus down Tesco’s? I mean he is recently married – one of the perks surely?

In reply, the No-MAD got off to a tortuous and depressing start. Rood en Wit strike bowler, R. Prenen (5-3-8-1), all 8’ 6” of him, bowled with hostility and venom, and after seeing a short-ball flash past his nostrils, No-MAD opener N. Hebbes was powerless to act as similar ball shot along the deck bowling him for a duck. A. Mann, watching the horrors from the other end, was similarly struggling with the pitch, and after farting around for 17 balls, left the crease plumb lbw for nought – I. Howarth’s second victim of the match! Incredibly, the No-MAD were now 1-2 off 7 overs, and suddenly their target looked a long way away.

Rood en Wit strike bowler, R. Prenen – he’s a big honky!

D. Edwards (27) and J. Harris (29) then gritted their teeth as they steadied the ship by realising a partnership of 65, mixing solid defence with the occasional boundary. Unfortunately, tight Dutch bowling restricted their freedom, and as it did so the required run rate topped 8 an over. In attempting to free the shackles, the No-MAD lost both their batsmen, before T. Smith (8) and M. Bullock (3) also went as the overs dwindled by. I. Howarth then ran himself out for 9 chasing a crazy second, the skipper smacked a lusty 7, and J. Hotson was stumped for a nondescript 2. This all left M. Westmoreland, who had deputised behind the stumps earlier in the day, to chance his arm with an entertaining 17 before he too ran himself out. 113 all out and A. Morley (0*) left to rue another missed opportunity to club the No-MAD to victory. [For the record, S. Capel completed a memorable game for himself and Rood en Wit as he finished with sparkling figures of 7-0-28-5].

The Dutch would present a fine “drinking” adversary.

So, the Dutch were victorious. But to see their unbridled joy at their first ever tour victory was warming. They then celebrated by draining any barrel of ale they could lay their hands on, and awarding the No-MAD two-dozen speeches and a vanload of clogs. Such was the camaraderie enjoyed on this day, the No-MAD entertained thoughts of a tour to Holland in 2006 – something Rood en Wit encouraged wholeheartedly.

Any reason to see Denise Van Outen!

‘Van Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Rood en Wit (Haarlem) CC Played at Cholsey, 3 September 2005 Rood en Wit won the toss and elected to bat Rood en Wit won by 35 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

05 / 118 35 over match

Team	Rood en Wit CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Growlemith	b Mann	19		4	-	2-32
2	A. Loeb	b Harris	9		2	-	1-24
3	M. de Vries	b Mann	9		1	-	4-39
4	J. Klimbie	c Harris b Mann	0		-	-	3-32
5	R. Eilers	c Hebbes b Howarth	17		1	1	5-59
6	M. Groeneveld	b Hoskins	22		4	-	8-128
7	R. Prenen	b Bullock	7		-	-	6-73
8	M. Bozdewyh	b Hoskins	1		-	-	7-74
9	S. Capel *	not out	41		4	1	-
10	L. Doeve +	not out	7		-	-	-
11	R. Klimbie
	Extras	(NB4, W8, B4)	16
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	148

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Mann	6	0	13	3
2	Harris	3	0	24	1
3	Howarth	5	0	22	1
4	Smith	5	0	15	0
5	Bullock	3	0	3	1
6	Hoskins	7	2	27	2
7	Hotson	2	0	28	0
8	Edwards	4	0	12	0

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	N. J. Hebbes	b Prenen	0	(3)	-	-	1-0
2	A. G. Mann	lbw b R. Klimbie	0	(17)	-	-	2-0
3	D. M. Edwards	b Eilers	27	(64)	3	1	3-65
4	J. Harris	c Bozdewyh b Capel	29	(60)	5	-	4-67
5	T. P. W. Smith	c Prenen b Capel	8	(12)	1	-	5-75
6	M. Bullock	st Doeve b Capel	3	(11)	-	-	6-83
7	I. Howarth	run out	9	(11)	1	-	8-94
8	J. D. Hoskins *	b Capel	7	(7)	1	-	7-91
9	J. C. W. Hotson	st Doeve b Capel	2	(5)	-	-	9-106
10	M. T. Westmoreland +	run out	17	(10)	3	-	10-113
11	A. Morley	not out	0	(0)	-	-	-
	Extras	(W7, LB3, B1)	11
	TOTAL	(all out, 33.2 overs)	113

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Prenen	5	3	8	1
2	R. Klimbie	7	4	13	1
3	Bozdewyh	5	0	14	0
4	Eilers	7	0	29	1
5	Capel	7	0	28	5
6	de Vries	2.2	0	17	0

MOTM: n/a Champagne Moment: n/a Buffet Award: J. C. W. Hotson’s deluxe asparagus salad

Opposition: V038 / 01 Ground: G026 / 03 Captain: C006 / 41