“Barrow Boy Inspector’s Report”

Match: 07 / 135

Lost by 4 runs

Team	Total
Wootton & Boars Hill CC	204 - 8
M. Reeves 4 - 29
FFTMCC	200 - 8
I. Howarth 70, T. Smith 40

It was a combination of on-field antics and gesticulations, obscene language and toilet humour that allowed me to come away from the picturesque ground of Wootton and Boars Hill this Sunday gone; a grin etched across my face, and a fair barrow of material coursing through my brain. A friend of mine, a lifelong devotee of the game of cricket, had mentioned in passing that a Sunday cricket team were purported to be utilising a pair of Barrow Boys for their early season fixtures. Imagine my joy in hearing about this – a possible anecdote for the writer’s block, which had so hampered my screenplay “Fists on the Green”.

It’s an Essex affair.

It took little over an hour for the circus to begin: a “clear stumping” being revoked by the opposition’s Captain at square leg, was met with a verbal volley from the Far from the MCC’s little wicketkeeper man. I left the comfort of my chair, and strained my ears and eyes to better enjoy the proceedings that followed – hoping in earnest that the verbal jousting and claims of “cheating” would inspire my creative juices. This it most certainly did, as a larger dark-haired individual – accent drenched in an Essex drawl – intervened in the potential melee to instruct the two antagonists back to their marks for fear of “sorting it out”. Wonderful! Such drama, and all bookended so neatly by barbed remarks concerning each other’s sexual wellbeing. I sat back down and sympathised with whom I’m assuming was one of their partners – a slim and pretty young lady in the care of a young child, her eyes rolling to the heavens in grim acknowledgement of the on field handbags* before her.

I can sincerely thank those gentlemen who originate from the Land of the White Stiletto, for inspiring my latest work; and will seek them out when the time is convenient, to invite them to the inaugural opening night.

* - It is worth noting the lady did not do any dancing around the handbags.

‘Barrow Boy Inspector’