“Hanney Bored into Submission as Geoff Drops
Anchor”
Match: 08 / 151
Won by 8 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Hanney CC |
112 |
|
I.
Howarth 4 - 16, M. Reeves
2 - 10 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
113 - 2 |
|
D.
Edwards 27, G. Carter
26* |
|
|
The
cricket season is supposed to usher in the start of the English summer, yet
Sunday gone felt like it was ushering in another winter. Played out under
ashen skies with temperatures barely hovering above zero, a vicious windchill
cut through to your bones whilst the odd squally shower removed any desire to
play. Most of the guys were hidden under a plethora of shirts, jumpers and
fleeces – and those who weren’t, simply froze into blocks of ice in the
outfield, before being slid to the local pub to thaw out by a log fire in the
bar.
Anorexic Ian Botham really did feel the
cold. Preparations
for the first match of the season were hampered by a fair portion of Team Mad
getting carted whilst helping the Skipper stag around the centre of Oxford
the evening before. The results of which were an increasingly busy toilet
facility on the day, and club all-rounder, Mr. D. M. Edwards, marooned in
Cowley after his lift [skipper] failed to show. Other setbacks included Mr.
Westmoreland pulling out due to work commitments [yips], and swing bowling
supremo, A. G. Mann, suffering a fatal knee injury whilst plugging in his
Xbox 360. The fact that Mr. G. Carter arrived on time without his bike,
truck, car, or helicopter being stolen was nothing short of remarkable…. These
holes in the team would normally have been easy to fill, however D. Shorten
is banned from any sort of life until he completes his wife’s house, S. Dobner
awaits the end of Kim’s three year pregnancy, G. Littlechild was gallivanting
around Mexico, Lord Lucan had vanished once again, and Mr. A. J. Fisher just couldn’t
give a fuck this early in the season. Oh, and not forgetting Mr. S. B. Parkinson,
who despite preferring the charms of a corporate works function – still had
the audacity to phone the skipper for money and help when he ran out of
petrol on the M40….
A. Mann did not make the team photo. Standing
in the centre of an expansive and soulless Hanney pitch, the respective
captains soon discovered neither of them had remembered a coin to toss.
Thinking on his feet, MAD Skipper Howarth was quick to point out to his
Hanney CC counterpart, Mr. R. Green, that The MAD were rather light in the
batting department, and so in the interest of a decent game of cricket, would
be more than happy to field first. Obligingly, Richard rather generously
accepted the invitation. It
took all of one over for the vagaries of the undulating track to be unleashed
on the Hanney batsmen. Young D. Hilliam swerved out the way of a M. Reeves
bouncer off a length, before deciding a cultured moo was the best way to
counter punch. It wasn’t and he left for a duck. N. Hebbes (8-3-6-0) was nigh
on unplayable, and when he made way for A. Small (4-2-8-1), the run-rate had slowed
to a stop. It didn’t take long for one of Adie’s famed celebrations either,
removing the obdurate A. Rothwell for 3.
Hanney CC promote inspecting your arse and
cigarette abuse. With
a pitch now offering prodigious lateral movement to accompany the ones that removed
your head, The MAD now turned to their illustrious pie-men. Shorn of the
talents of professional baker A. Fisher, late arrival D. Edwards (7-2-25-1)
was immediately up to task, doing for Hanney skipper R. Green (11), with one that
zipped from leg to off. J. Hoskins (6-0-35-1) is sometimes irked when
bracketed with the baking department, and as a result varies his pace to try
and lose the tag, but it was one of his succulent cream doughnuts that did
for the dangerous M. Pearce (20) – the batsman completely sold on the sugary
topping applied by James. Guided
by the talented J. Hilliam (46), Hanney nonetheless made 98-4, before the
youngster was smartly caught and bowled by I. Howarth. This seemed to unsettle
the home side, and moments later the skipper combined with glovesman, M.
Bullock, to run out K. Jones for 12. With the underbelly of the opposition now
fully exposed, Howarth (8-1-16-4) resisted the temptation for change, and
duly pocketed the best bowling figures for himself – taking out bunnies N.
Smith (1), A. Necchigiri (3) and S. Harrison for 3. The innings was finally
skewered by a returning M. Reeves (6.2-2-10-2), castling D. Jones with one
that nipped back half a kilometre. Hanney all out for a disappointing 112. A.
G. Mann did not bowl.
Lunch
was divided onto three tables during the interval – one for Hanney, one for
the Far from the MCC, and one for Adie Small. Adie was naturally first out
the blocks and slid an entire plate of cheese sandwiches down his neck before
anyone else had budged. A bowl of crisps was soon followed by an ample wedge
of fruit cake, with Mr. Small completing his “light snack” by washing things
down with six litres of tea. It was during this demonstration of
“professional gorging” that both J. Hotson and I. Howarth declared themselves
“unfit to bat”. Jake was suffering from an apparent abdominal injury, whilst Howarth
was finally spent after the previous evening’s extended pub cruise and earlier
bowl at the Hanney cottontail rabbits. After
hastily rearranging the batting order, Mr. Edwards strode out to the middle
with the oft maligned G. Carter. Whilst Dan’s stout defence and occupancy of
the crease were taken for granted, Geoff’s credentials were less assured –
especially after he ended the previous season by claiming pole position for
the AGM’s Duck Award [most thereof]. But today would throw up unlikely heroes
with both bat and ball, and as the overs ticked by The MAD progressed to 53-0
before Edwards gloved a riser from J. Hilliam (8-0-21-1) – departing for 27.
Edwards (batting) slices through the slips. Carter
would next be joined at the podium by J. Hoskins, whose ascension up the
batting order was a result of J. Hotson’s stomach unrest. Brandishing a
gleaming new pair of gloves, JMO mixed concrete footwork with an
exceptionally eye – helping galvanise the innings before any [more] spectators
drifted off to sleep. The occasional smear by Hoskins was complemented by a
block, prod, and a nudge from Geoff. It was just a shame when’s Hoskins’ (23)
wicket fell on 99 [funny that, James? – huh? Haha] as he looked set to see
the job through. James’ loss was a grumbling and shivering Mr. Smith’s [7*]
gain, as The MAD eased to an 8 wicket win.
T. Smith (right) leads the players off after
The MAD victory. So
there it was, Geoff Carter (26*) becoming the unlikely recipient of the Man
of the Match award, with his impregnable batting breaking Hanney hearts [and
anyone watching for that matter]. He was subsequently caned at the Fines
Committee for slow-scoring, but not before the Black Horse pub had provided
Adie Small with 3 bowls of garlic rolls and 6 plates of chips to once again
demonstrate his phenomenal gluttony. A.
G. Mann did not bat. ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Hanney CC Played at Hanney, 20 April 2008 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 8 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
08 / 151 40 over match |
|
Team |
Hanney CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. Hilliam |
c & b Howarth |
46 |
|
|
|
5-98 |
|
2 |
D. Hilliam |
b Reeves |
0 |
|
|
|
1-1 |
|
3 |
A. Rothwell |
b Small |
3 |
|
|
|
2-13 |
|
4 |
R. Green |
c Reeves b Edwards |
11 |
|
|
|
3-35 |
|
5 |
M. Pierce |
b Hoskins |
20 |
|
|
|
4-68 |
|
6 |
K. Jones |
run out (Howarth/Bullock) |
12 |
|
|
|
6-99 |
|
7 |
N. Smith |
lbw b Howarth |
1 |
|
|
|
8-110 |
|
8 |
A. Necchigiri |
b Howarth |
5 |
|
|
|
7-104 |
|
9 |
S. Harrison |
c Reeves b Howarth |
3 |
|
|
|
9-111 |
|
10 |
D. Jones |
b Reeves |
0 |
|
|
|
10-112 |
|
11 |
P. Austin |
not out |
0 |
|
|
|
- |
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W3, LB5, B1) |
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 39.2 overs) |
112 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Reeves |
6.2 |
2 |
10 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Hebbes |
8 |
3 |
6 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Small |
4 |
2 |
8 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Edwards |
7 |
2 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Hoskins |
6 |
0 |
35 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Howarth |
8 |
1 |
16 |
4 |
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. M. Edwards |
c D. Hilliam b J. Hilliam |
27 |
(61) |
3 |
- |
1-53 |
|
2 |
G. Carter |
not out |
26 |
(105) |
- |
- |
- |
|
3 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Harrison |
23 |
(44) |
2 |
- |
2-99 |
|
4 |
T. P. W. Smith |
not out |
7 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
5 |
N. J. Hebbes |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6 |
M. K. Reeves |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7 |
I. Howarth * |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
M. Bullock + |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
A. Small |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W7, LB3, B18) |
30 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 2 wickets, 36 overs) |
113 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
D. Hilliam |
5 |
2 |
3 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Green |
6 |
3 |
4 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Hecchigiri |
4 |
1 |
18 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
J. Hilliam |
8 |
0 |
21 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
D. Jones |
7 |
2 |
17 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Harrison |
4 |
0 |
17 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
K. Jones |
2 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: G. Carter Champagne Moment: J. Hoskins and T.
Smith’s collision in the field (going for catch) Buffet
Award: J. Hoskins’ caramel tarts |
Opposition:
V041 / 04 Ground: G030 / 03 Captain: C007 / 33 |