Far from the MCC fines 20.04.08 v Hanney CC (a) won by 8 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Thornton	Smoking on The Pitch		£0.50
	Average Protection
	Comedy Fielding	Laurel & Hardy style collision
	Impersonating a Mister Man	Mr Greedy – wanting to ‘wrap up the innings’ so he could tuck in to the sarnies
	Impersonating Ian Botham	Batting in 20 layers of jumpers
	ASBO Connections	(?)
	Grumbling	About possibility of not batting
	Self Importance	“Do I get a discount for hitting the winning run?”
	Self Importance	Trying to induce Gavel
	Having a Minor Cob	Trying to pay with bottle tops and washers
	Having a Minor Cob	“Are you ever going to stop fucking writing!”
			£3.00
Dan	Having a Minor Cob	When taken off, bowling
	Inappropriate Urination
	Grumbling	About having 3 gulleys
	Failure to Control Pet	Joe whining like a mosquito
	Inappropriate Coaching	Encouraging ‘all day’ Geoff: “All day”
			£1.25
Ade S	Excessive Celebration
	Self Importance	Excessively long run-up
	Changing Before End of Game	Despite not having batted
	Fitness Avoidance	More unfit that Joe ‘puppy’
	Bottle Opening Incompetence	Vinegar for chips
	(donation)		£0.15
			£1.40
Nick	Opening Bowler No Wicket		£0.50
	Impersonating Ant	Economical bowling
	Comedy Fielding	Dive in vain on boundary after which Jake calmly collected
	Self Importance	Buying £200 bat
	Impersonating Steve D	Spurs shirt
	Pet Avoidance	Left dog at home
	Excessive Carbon Footprint	Bringing 4x4
	Self Importance	“I’ve got two words to say to you….”
	Fielding with Hands in Pockets
			£2.50
Geoff	Average Protection
	Self Importance
	Geography Avoidance	Wrong way from pub to ground
	Being one of The Blind Leading The Deaf	Following Nick to ground
	Comedy Running	Run avoidance & self importance, expecting ball to go for four
	Bullying a Small Child	Boring a baby to tears
	Inappropriate Advicetaking	Listening to Dan (“All day”)
	Slow Scoring	Impersonating a Nightwatchman
	Comedy Running	Tripping over bat
	Suicidal Running
	Intimate Showering	With kit-bag – soaking it
	Making Excuses	Blaming changing room architecture for soggy kit
			£3.00
Jake	Batting Avoidance	Didn’t want to bat no.3 due to ‘illness’
	Umpiring Avoidance	Not making it back from loo in time after drinks break
	Impersonating a Rock Star	Prog-rocker (hair)
	Asking a Stupid Question	Asking Nick where to field 4 times
	Fine Entrapment	Of self (calling avoidance)
	Calling Avoidance	Allowing Nick’s comedy dive when had it covered
	Self Importance	Prolonging Fines Committee
			£1.75
Mike R	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	Impersonating Ant	Left arm opening bowler
	Excessive Nostalgia	Marlborough days: ‘c Reeves b Edwards’
	Self Importance	“I get low fines because I keep quiet!”
			£1.25
Matt	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	TVR Avoidance
	Scorebook Abuse	Covering it in chocolate cake
	Dissing The Team	Using teammates as wind breaks
			£1.25
James	Comedy Fielding
	Grumbling	“If I knew I had to bat no.3 I wouldn’t have eaten so much tea….”
	Feigning Injury
	Impersonating a Mummy’s Boy	Hat given by mother, inscribed ‘This hat belongs to James Hoskins’
	Grumbling	During Fines Committee
	Comedy Running	Run avoidance, also expecting Geoff’s shot to go for four
	Self Importance	“My running between the wickets was second to none”
	Shepherding the Opening Bat	Hogging the strike
	Run Avoidance	“I was knackered”
	Self Importance	“I got a good strike rate”
	Cricket Knowledge Avoidance	When asked to field at midwicket: “Which side?”
	Club Colours Avoidance	Hat
			£3.00
Ian	Dissing the Team
	Lift-Offering Avoidance	Dan
	Fielding Avoidance	Left field for 3 balls (throwing up), returned with ball in play, saved four, but…
	Giving Away Penalty Runs	…gave away 5
	Excessive Pacing	Walking round in circles outside pub (despite not being on phone)
	Toss Avoidance	See match report
	Deception	To bowl first – see match report
	Fun Avoidance	Choosing 40 over contest despite 2 innings 20 over being offered
	Professionalism Avoidance	Stag do night before game
	Fitness Avoidance	Being walked by Joe ‘puppy’
	Umpiring Avoidance	Initially
	Drinking on The Pitch	As umpire, then asking dismissed batsman to take it back with him
	Leaving the Table during Fines Committee
	Excessive Intimacy With Opposition	Chatting up captain
	Communication Avoidance	Not asking Martin how much we were supposed to pay opps
	(donation)		£0.05
			£3.80
		TOTAL	£22.20

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber [anything] – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2