“Duckworth-Lewis Fail to Save The MAD[Maybe]”

Match: 08 / 164

Match Abandoned

Team	Total
Mumbles CC	190 - 3
S. Parkinson 1 - 23
FFTMCC	122 - 7
I. Howarth 39, D. Edwards 33

It was with great thanks to the generosity and understanding of Mumbles Cricket Club that there was any cricket played on the Sunday of Tour. The consistent barrage of wet weather had dampened spirits sufficiently for the players to begin making alternative plans for the day. So the news from Tour organiser N. Hebbes, that the game was “still on”, was met with a mixture of surprise and delight. Cramming everyone into a small pool of cars and a builder’s van, The MAD left their seafront hotel and headed up into the hills of Mumbles for a game of cricket.

Lush….

On arrival at Marespool, The MAD were greeted not by Catherine Zeta Jones [whose house is nearby], but by a rugged and deflated member of the Mumbles CC ground staff. From the cover of the pavilion, he stared miserably into oblivion, professing the rather inclement weather to be “doing his fucking nut in”. And yes, it had started drizzling again – heavy drizzle, almost like ‘proper’ rain [whatever that is]. A brief inspection of the wicket noted small pools of water developing at either end – enough so that water would squish into your shoes when stood on [sigh].

A few battle-hardened tourists saw fit to alleviate the boredom with an impromptu net. But even this modicum of sporting endeavour was cut short by a further deluge from above. Saturday’s depressing rainfall had washed out the entire localised league program – and with a Mumbles XI as desperate to play as the tourists, this match survived an hour long delay until the skies started to clear….

The coin toss is an integral part in making for a successful cricket season. Success allows you the luxury of dictating terms after analysing the pitch and its conditions – rationalising whether to have a bat or a bowl. The Far from the MCC never have to deal with this conundrum [anymore], since never ever win a fucking toss [anymore]. Today would mark The MAD’s fifth Skipper for the season, and not wanting to fly in the face of fashion, Mr. Shorten successfully called the toss incorrectly and was informed by his Mumbles equivalent to “enjoy [yourselves] in the field”. Excellent stuff, Dave – you can’t beat a good carting on a nice sludgy pitch in persistently miserable weather….

Jake’s new hobby is collecting turds in a bag.

It soon became clear why the Mumbles CC elected to bat first. Their team was rammed to the hilt with talented batsmen straining at the leash to whack a bit of leather about – and boy, oh boy, would The MAD grant them that very wish. A. Mann (6-0-32-0) and S. Parkinson (6-1-23-1) kept in tidy in the early stages, as S. Seaton (45) started to unfurl a myriad of strokes that slowed in the wet outfield [a factor that probably reduced the Mumbles’ final total by some 25% or so]. T. Smith (4-0-33-1) surprised many with his early guile, but after N. Hebbes (4-0-23-1) had the opener well caught by Howarth at mid-wicket, the wheels started to come off The MAD’s touring ice-cream van in grand and entertaining style [for the bedraggled Swansea public anyway].

Mumbles pair R. Jones (51*) and C. Nelson (41 retired) set about propelling the run rate, with Nelson in particular quite savage on anything short. To be honest, he was quite savage on anything pitched up as well – and the one that failed to pitch. Howarth (2-0-20-0) tried all three of the above permutations, copping a right bumming much to the amusement of a supportive N. Hebbes at mid-on. So did J. Hoskins (2-0-16-0), who saw one of his ill-fated sausage rolls land on the roof of a distant bungalow – ha ha ha. D. Shorten (3-0-13-0) was reasonable when he wasn’t bowling wides, but D. Edwards’ (3-0-25-0) mesmerising tarts found new opportunities in adjoining fields.

The MAD were thankful for not hearing Ian moan about his batting.

After 30 fraught overs, The MAD bowlers had done their job – restricting a Mumbles XI to a modest 190 for 3. Now it was the batsmen’s turn to come up with the goods [ahem]…. There was no tea break as such, just a quick turnaround whilst the clouds retained their water. Mr. Shorten quickly scribbled down his batting order before ordering Martin and James to leave the warmth of the changing rooms for the great moist outdoors.

The reply didn’t start well, with M. Westmoreland (2) bowled by a ball “he didn’t see”. Jake Hotson (2) was bowled too, this time by a ball he did see; and when J. Hoskins (8) spooned a catch to cover, it left the tourists tottering on 18-3. It was with collective relief that Howarth finally found some form [and runs] – a joy for him, but probably more so for his teammates, who were sick to the back teeth of hearing him moan how “shit” his season had been. Mixing a blend of booming drives and a few slog-sweeps, Howarth (39) guided The MAD to 58-4, before one swipe too many had him caught in the deep. D. Edwards (33) took up the gauntlet with a bristling T. Smith (13), and despite the best of intentions, neither seemed able to smack the ball off the soggy wicket. The run-rate spiralled, and even an entertaining cameo [including another monster six] from Skipper D. Shorten (11), would ultimately prove futile – the target was just always going to be just a little too much.

J. Hoskins (8) swats the ball away in the gloom.

With the match nearing its finale [if you can call it that], the rain began to fall once more. This would be ‘proper rain’ this time – soaking up in jumpers and running in torrents off your hat. After consultation with the umpires [poor bastards], Parkinson (5*) and S. Hebbes (3*) led the players swiftly off the field. There would be no return – the decision to abandon the game was finally made [from the sanctuary of the bar].

With The MAD innings concluding abruptly on 122-7 off their 28 overs – the outcome of the match was [apparently] decided by the Duckworth-Lewis method [of calculation]. It didn’t take long for these custodians of cricketing formulae to opinion that The MAD had indeed lost, if indeed you gave any credence to the D/L method, which some players did not. Regardless of the result, and regardless of whether The MAD considered they’d lost, drawn, or even won, handshakes and backslaps were dispensed all round.

Thanks for having us guys, and thanks for persevering.

‘Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Mumbles CC Played at Marespool, 17 August 2008 Mumbles CC won the toss and elected to bat Match Abandoned Far from the MCC debuts: none

08 / 164 30 over match

Team	Mumbles CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	S. Seaton	c Howarth b Hebbes	45
2	A. Baglow +	b Parkinson	33
3	R. Steele	c Mann b Smith	5
4	R. Jones	not out	51				-
5	C. Nelson	retired	41				-
6	Phillips	not out	3				-
7	J. Blythe
8	D. Williams
9	Brown
10	R. Ashworth
11	R. Davies
	Extras	(NB3, W6, LB3)	12
	TOTAL	(for 3 wickets, 30 overs)	190

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Mann	6	0	32	0
2	Parkinson	6	1	23	1
3	Smith	4	0	33	1
4	N. Hebbes	4	0	23	1
5	Hoskins	2	0	16	0
6	Howarth	2	0	20	0
7	Shorten	3	0	13	0
8	Edwards	3	0	25	0

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	M. T. Westmoreland +	b Ashworth	2	(8)	-	-	1-7
2	J. D. Hoskins	c b Williams	8	(17)	-	-	3-18
3	J. C. W. Hotson	b Ashworth	2	(9)	-	-	2-12
4	I. Howarth	c b Blythe	39	(44)	2	1	4-58
5	D. M. Edwards	b Williams	33	(50)	3	-	6-105
6	T. P. W. Smith	st Baglow b Nelson	13	(26)	-	-	5-89
7	S. B. Parkinson	not out	5	(6)	-	-	-
8	D. Shorten *	c b Brown	11	(6)	1	1	7-116
9	S. Hebbes	not out	3	(2)	-	-	-
10	A. G. Mann
11	N. J. Hebbes
	Extras	(W5, LB1)	6
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 28 overs)	122

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Ashworth	3	0	5	2
2	Davies	3	0	10	0
3	Brown	5	0	28	1
4	Williams	4	0	17	2
5	Blythe	4	0	17	1
6	Steele	3	1	8	0
7	Nelson	3	0	15	1
8	Seaton	3	0	22	0

MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: D. Shorten’s first ball six Buffet Award: I. Howarth’s cheese and marmite sandwiches (Value bread)

Opposition: V049 / 01 Ground: G039 / 01 Captain: C016 / 01