“Memorable Moo Catches Five”

Match: 08 / 162

Lost by 87 runs

Team	Total
R. T. Harris	207 - 8
A. Mann 2 - 24, T. Smith 2 - 19
FFTMCC	120 - 9
D. Edwards 22, G. Littlechild 21

What makes something memorable? And what makes something more memorable than something else? And does it depend on the individual, and their own personal outlook on life as to what really is memorable? It’s all theoretical really, but my own take is that it’s a personal opinion, and as we all know – opinions differ. So, what might have stuck in my mind’s eye, may well have slipped under the radar for somebody else….

Dave phones his missus to let her know how much he’s enjoying the day….

This Sunday gone produced several memorable moments that I took away from the match. Some made me smirk and giggle [particularly the morning after], some were quite special, and some made me plain fucking annoyed. So where d’you start, and in which order do you begin? In which order of importance?

1 - The run out - featuring A. G. Mann and A. Small

Christ, how funny are run outs? Particularly if they’re utterly inept and you are not involved. A comical run out never fails to bring out howls of laughter and derision [from both sets of players] – where two players make a complete arse of themselves whilst negotiating 22 yards between two sets of stumps. I, of course, have to concede to being involved in more than my fair share of cock ups over the years [mostly my own fault as well], but none come close to the one witnessed this weekend which takes its place at the very top of the Podium of Turd.

This was pure comedy at its very best. Laurel and Hardy couldn’t have come up with a better script. Picture the scene as our two hapless heroes slip around in the rain and mud, mumbling “yes, no, yes, no, er… what?” Witness a dropped catch, some more audible bollocks about “waiting”, then find our pantomime clowns [A. Mann and A. Small] both stood at the same end as the bails are taken off at the other. Marvellous stuff. The comedy now gathers pace as they wag fingers at each other, exchange pleasantries and refuse steadfast to accept any responsibility for the mess. Neither of them were out [in their humble opinion], and neither of them were budging [in their humble opinion]. But ultimately, someone had to go. And I suppose it is credit to both of them that they accepted the reasoning of this umpire that a toss of a coin should settle the argument. Sorry, Ant. Ha ha ha.

Moo can catch and successfully run between the wickets [sometimes].

2 - The fourth of five catches by Moo

After last weekend’s cerebral flogging in Cholsey, Deputy Dob[ner] was nursing both his ego his shin splints in the Land of the White Stiletto. But in his absence, if anyone had relayed the news to him that M. Westmoreland had pouched a staggering 5 catches (FIVE) in the outfield, he’d most likely have coughed up his cheap Tesco lager all over Kim’s new white leather handbag. Five fucking catches! FIVE of them! ALL in the outfield. But it really did happen. This, from the same guy who spilled a regulation dolly to deprive Steve of a 5-for at Wootton & Boars Hill a few years ago [not that Steve harbours a grudge or any dark thoughts you understand]. So what were these catches like? Pretty damned good. In fact, every one of them was a damn good catch in its own right – but my pick was his fourth. This involved a fine spirited juggle on the boundary, after a M. Bullock cheesecake had been smacked into the stratosphere. I was lucky enough to be almost standing on Martin’s feet when the ball finally nestled in his hands – but just to see the joy on his face having equalled The MAD record for catches in a match was superb. Who would have thought he would go on to break that record some short time later? Memorable, dude – and quite historically so.

3 - The weather

Sorry to hark on about it – but did anyone else find it only slightly surreal to finish a game of cricket off in the early evening of the first week of August in cold, squally showers and perpetual gloom? This is the summer holidays for fuck sake. Standing out there, umpiring towards the end, as my sunhat [sic] soaked up the rain, and water dribbled down the sleeves of my coat – I could only giggle as the RTH bowlers keep losing their feet on a pudding of a pitch which lay totally obscured by sawdust at either end. Funnier still, whenever I signalled to the scorebox, I could just make out the entire Mad team taking shelter in there. All of them huddled next to James Hoskins as he scribbled down the scores…. Memorable, dude – infamously so.

The super summer weather gave birth to the Essex Hoody.

4 - Others

Other memories of the game are less memorable, but memorable still the same. It was great see the reclusive Dave Shorten back in action. His summer of house building now a thing of the past. It was heartening also to see some top cobbing in the ranks – from T. Smith and D. Edwards [the latter reemphasising why he is now King of the Cob]. And of course there is the memory of being heckled from the “scorebox” whilst desperately trying to find some form out in the middle…. At least this gave me an excuse to blame others for my own shortcomings….

And what of the match itself?

Well, we got a good bloody arsing. Not quite the sort where you bend over without lubricant [see last week’s match at Cholsey for further details], but it was a dicking of sorts. Predictably we lost the toss [apologies once again from the scribe], and predictably we got splattered around the Oxfordshire countryside, as RTH plundered 207-8 from 35 overs. D. Shorten (7-0-36-1) and A. Mann (7-0-24-2) bowled fairly tidily [at the start], and Howarth (7-0-36-1) himself was reasonable. D. Edwards (7-1-40-1) certainly wasn’t reasonable, and such was A. Small’s (2-0-25-0) tonking as to be unreasonable. Piemen, M. Bullock (3-0-27-1) and T. Smith (2-0-19-2), at least bagged some wickets between them – though the cost was watching many of their delicacies sail into hedgerows and densely woven bracken….

When it came to the chase, an already degenerating pitch made a somewhat difficult ask distinctly implausible. Dan (22) and Martin (18) got off to a cautious start, but when Gary (21) and Ian (18) departed in the ensuing rain, the middle of the team slowly sank without a trace. Thorn (0), Dave (8), Jake (3), Ant (4), and Geoff (5) all lost at sea. It was all left to comedian A. Small (3*) and an obdurate M. Bullock (5*) to protect their averages, whilst the Far from the MCC finalised an underwhelming 120-9 from their allotted overs.

I. Howarth received no heckling from the scorebox whatsoever….

So we lost – big deal. Whatever the result, pieces of that day just stuck in my head – some of them were good – and some of them quite memorable. So it seemed entirely in keeping when I got home later that evening to find Michael Vaughan had resigned as England skipper. Following on from another soul-searching loss to South Africa… tears in his eyes, the shortage of runs had finally got to him… and the poor guy just cracked under the media scrum….

Memorable, dude.

Quite memorable.

‘Spam’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus R. T. Harris Played at Stratfield Brake, 3 August 2008 R. T. Harris won the toss and elected to bat R. T. Harris won by 86 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

08 / 162 35 over match

Team	R. T. Harris
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	S. Rana	c Westmoreland b Shorten	3		-	-	2-8
2	K. Ahmed	b Mann	1		-	-	1-5
3	D. Yousaf	c Shorten b Mann	14		2	-	3-38
4	R. Rana	c Westmoreland b Bullock	90		16	-	6-155
5	M. Aslam	c Westmoreland b Howarth	13		-	-	4-84
6	A. Rafeeq	c Westmoreland b Edwards	23		5	-	5-141
7	R. Waed +	c Westmoreland b Smith	17		2	-	7-173
8	F. Saqeb	c Small b Smith	26		1	3	8-205
9	R. Allsworth *	not out	11		1	-	-
10	M. Faradoun	not out	0		-	-	-
11	I. Faradoun
	Extras	(NB4, W4, LB1)	9
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	207

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Shorten	7	0	36	1
2	Mann	7	0	24	2
3	Howarth	7	0	36	1
4	Edwards	7	1	40	1
5	Small	2	0	25	0
6	Bullock	3	0	27	1
7	Smith	2	0	19	2

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	D. M. Edwards	c and b R. Rana	22	(54)	3	-	2-64
2	M. T. Westmoreland	b I. Faradoun	18	(23)	4	-	1-33
3	G. S. Littlechild +	c Yousef b Rafeeq	21	(40)	1	-	3-72
4	I. Howarth *	c R. Rana b Allsworth	18	(23)	2	-	5-97
5	T. P. W. Smith	b Rafeeq	0	(2)	-	-	4-72
6	D. Shorten	c Waed b Allsworth	8	(16)	1	-	6-98
7	J. C. W. Hotson	b M. Faradoun	3	(5)	-	-	7-101
8	A. G. Mann	run out	4	(7)	-	-	9-114
9	G. Carter	c Waed b Allsworth	5	(16)	-	-	8-111
10	A. Small	not out	3	(16)	-	-	-
11	M. Bullock	not out	5	(10)	-	-	-
	Extras	(NB2, W4, LB1, B7)	14
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	121

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	S. Rana	5	1	22	0
2	I. Faradoun	7	0	21	1
3	Rafeeq	6	1	15	2
4	R. Rana	5	0	20	1
5	Ahmed	2	0	5	0
6	Allsworth	5	1	11	3
7	Aslam	2	0	4	0
8	M. Faradoun	3	0	14	1

MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland Champagne Moment: M. T. Westmoreland’s fifth catch Buffet Award: A. Small’s banana split surprise (with custard)

Opposition: V029 / 08 Ground: G032 / 06 Captain: C007 / 41

Match Fines