“Forward Defensive Forgotten
As Mad Make Their Blenheim Bow”
Match: 08 / 159
Match Drawn
|
Team |
Total |
|
Blenheim Park CC |
164 - 5 |
|
S.
Dobner 2 - 27 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
99 - 8 |
|
M.
Westmoreland 38, M. Reeves
19 |
|
|
The Duke of Marlborough would resist the temptation
this weekend to be entertained by the visit of the colourful and often
fraught Far from the MCC. His decision to leave his exquisite baroque
surroundings would mean he missed out on the chance to roar with laughter at
a quite lamentable display of batting from the visitors. With the hosts
equipping themselves admirably for the rigours of timed cricket, the
nomadic Mad would approach the match with the attitude of a drunken boxer –
reckless, carefree and looking for that knockout blow.
Thornton (2nd
right) makes the effort for the team photo. It seemed the Far from the MCC had come full circle as
they deposited their sporting apparel and two dozen babies on the front lawn
of Blenheim Palace. It was a world away from the wet and windy Sunday
afternoons that many of the team could remember enduring on shitty council
pitches. It was all somewhat surreal to be honest, and many of the team had
commented on how they had experienced brief sensations of being pop stars as
they carried their kit bags through the courts of the palace, smiling at Joe
Public as they did so. Weaving past manicured hedgerows and intricately
carved fountains, there were was an absence of feral kids kicking balls onto
the pitch and stray dogs crapping in the outfield. Pop stars? I suppose Mr.
Hotson already fitted the bill, what with his Eric Clapton shoulder-length hair.
But the rest of The MAD entourage? They looked like extras from a documentary
centred on Glaswegian pissheads….
MAD popstars
dragging their kit bags through the palace…. A brief pitch inspection of the Blenheim track revealed
it to be one of a soft nature –
hardly surprising since a year’s annual rainfall had deposited its arse all
over Oxfordshire in recent weeks. The conditions were furtherly worsened by
the Duke’s imperative that the wicket could only be tendered on the evening
before a match [he doesn’t like cricket you understand]. The decision to bat or bowl was once again taken out
the hands of Skipper I. Howarth, as the now familiar walk back to his team
mates was accompanied by cries of “you useless tosser” [and shakes of the
head]. Blenheim began their innings in obdurate fashion, as both A. G. Mann
(6-3-6-0) and M. Reeves (6-2-19-0) failed to make a breakthrough on the slow
and placid surface. However, Mike’s wicketless column could be blamed less on
his cutting edge and more on a pathetic dropped catch by S. Dobner stood at mid-on.
Seriously, if Steve was tossing a tennis ball to his daughter from 3 feet, it
couldn’t have been any more difficult. Still, the Romford Rebel (6-0-27-2)
did make up for his shambolic fielding when given a bowl, firstly cramping
Blenheim skipper D. Hughes [caught at slip for 31], and then having a
half-track sausage roll slapped straight to a grateful Mr. Mann in the
covers. 76-2.
A swell of MAD
on the lawns of Blenheim Palace. As the afternoon wore on, the Blenheim innings would crawl
along as N. Hebbes (5-0-15-1) bowling diligently from one end, and then
accelerate as J. Hoskins’ (4-1-27-0) selection of undercooked pastries was
gorged on at the other. D. Edwards (5-0-23-0) tried to incite some rash
strokeplay with his assortment of fruit buns and caramel tarts [some from 24
yards], but the hosts were content to patiently construct their total – as
you would expect in this form of the game. Their solid and well-constructed
platform allowed their middle order free reign as tea became imminent, with
S. Parkinson (5-0-23-1) and I. Howarth (3-0-18-1) coming under fire as the
hosts settled on 164-5. Some fluid late hitting from J. Easterbrook (46*) the
standout. Tea was taken, and The MAD mingled with their jovial
Blenheim counterparts as they discussed the merits of timed cricket and what
the Duke was doing. Whatever he was
doing, he wasn’t [and wouldn’t be] batting like an arse, which is what
three-quarters of The MAD would do on this sunny afternoon…. First up was Eric Clapton (0); and after deriding the
notion of scooping a golden duck on the grandest of stages, Jake’s stumps
were rattled after he played a couple of days too late. The aristocratic S.
Parkinson (0) was next; and after kicking his first ball away with arrogant
distain, he was subsequently yorked by a straight one whilst wiggling his
backside to his family pitch side. One does sometimes wonder where Steve’s
reputation as a decent cricketer
was forged – or is it simply a rumour propagated by himself? One can only
surmise.
Part I –
excerpt from the The ‘Essex’ Forward Defensive Coaching Manual. Wobbling on 17-2 and despite having been given an acrimonious
reprieve in the slips first ball, Howarth (12) demonstrated an absence of
both application and responsibility by attempting to launch N. Walker (12-4-35-3)
over a mid-wicket conifer. It was the wrong length, wrong line and wrong
shot. The stage was now set for an ‘Essex’ rear-guard action,
but The MAD’s volatile commuting duo failed to read the script. Steve (1),
looking as a solid as a paper shed, left a six foot gap between bat and pad,
before Gary (8) emulated his Skipper’s stupidity, failing miserably to smack
one into a nearby lake. With Mr. Hoskins (0) also struggling with the concept
of the forward defensive [bowled], it left the visitors tottering on 26-6 and
the very real potential for their worst score in Mad history….
Part II –
excerpt from the The ‘Essex’ Forward Defensive Coaching Manual. Thankfully, The MAD would avoid the ignominy of career
low innings total, as their lower middle order displayed the application and
patience so sorely lacking from the top order. Reneging on his reputation of
all things “cow”, and utilising a sound and robust defensive technique, M.
Westmoreland (38) would bat for nearly 20 overs, oblivious to the cries of
“give it the moo” from the pissed support. Together with M. Reeves (19), N.
Hebbes (10*) and D. Edwards (2*), Martin would ensure the match would end in
a draw. Hardly a captivating finale to an engrossing day, but neither a
defeat also. It is also worth noting that A. G. Mann, a player of defensive
repute, did not bat. Nor did he mind either. In summary, the fixture at Blenheim proved a highly
successful and enjoyable one, unless you didn’t bat. The visitors escaped
with a draw despite being under the cosh for much of the day, and with the
sun now dipping on the estate, the teams retreated to the Star Pub to enjoy a
chinwag and a few moans in each other’s company. Here’s to next year and hopefully the Duke can put
aside his pressing engagements to watch a little of the “MAD”ness – and maybe
dip in his pocket and buy our book? ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Blenheim Park CC Played at Blenheim Palace, 13 July
2008 Blenheim
Park CC won the toss and elected to bat Match
Drawn Far from the MCC debuts: none |
08 / 159 Timed match |
|
Team |
Blenheim
Park CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Hughes |
c Hoskins b Dobner |
31 |
|
4 |
1 |
1-67 |
|
2 |
Samples |
c Mann b Dobner |
29 |
|
6 |
- |
2-76 |
|
3 |
D. Taylor |
lbw b Hebbes |
6 |
|
- |
- |
3-84 |
|
4 |
Easterbrook |
not out |
46 |
|
7 |
- |
- |
|
5 |
S. Lidicott |
c & b Parkinson |
16 |
|
2 |
- |
4-109 |
|
6 |
M. Cox |
lbw b Howarth |
9 |
|
- |
- |
5-162 |
|
7 |
N. Walker |
not out |
2 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
8 |
S. Angol |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
R. Fogden |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
S. Cox |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
O. Nelson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W15, LB8, B1) |
25 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 40 overs) |
164 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Reeves |
6 |
2 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Mann |
6 |
3 |
6 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
4 |
1 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Dobner |
6 |
0 |
27 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
Hebbes |
5 |
0 |
15 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Edwards |
5 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Parkinson |
5 |
0 |
23 |
1 |
|
|
8 |
Howarth |
3 |
0 |
18 |
1 |
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
I. Howarth * |
b Walker |
12 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
3-17 |
|
2 |
J. C. W. Hotson |
b Easterbrook |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
1-1 |
|
3 |
S. B. Parkinson |
b Easterbrook |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
2-11 |
|
4 |
G. S. Littlechild + |
b Easterbrook |
8 |
(37) |
1 |
- |
6-26 |
|
5 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
b Walker |
1 |
(19) |
- |
- |
4-22 |
|
6 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Walker |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
5-22 |
|
7 |
M. T. Westmoreland |
b Easterbrook |
38 |
(66) |
5 |
- |
8-95 |
|
8 |
M. K. Reeves |
b M. Cox |
19 |
(34) |
3 |
- |
7-53 |
|
9 |
N. J. Hebbes |
not out |
10 |
(33) |
- |
- |
- |
|
10 |
D. M. Edwards |
not out |
2 |
(5) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
A. G. Mann |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(W7, LB1, B1) |
9 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 36 overs) |
99 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Easterbrook |
12 |
3 |
15 |
4 |
|
|
2 |
Walker |
12 |
4 |
35 |
3 |
|
|
3 |
M. Cox |
6 |
0 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Nelson |
4 |
0 |
15 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Angol |
0.3 |
0 |
1 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Hughes |
1.3 |
0 |
7 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: M. T. Westmoreland Champagne Moment: The Grand Lawn itself Buffet
Award: J. D. Hoskins’ chocolate
sponge cake (with double whipped cream) |
Opposition:
V047 / 01 Ground: G037 / 01 Captain: C007 / 39 |