“The King
is Dead, Long Live the King”
Match: 13 / 167
Lost by 43 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Wootton & Boars Hill CC |
161 – 6 |
|
S.
Dobner 2 - 31 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
118 |
|
S.
Dobner 37, I. Howarth
36 |
|
|
After an autumn of malcontent, followed by a winter of
politics and infighting, the disparate tribes of The Mad assembled at The Oak
pub on the Woodstock Road. It was time to draw a line in the sand and decide
on how they wanted their future mapped out. It was unanimously decided that
their current leader should be removed from office and his burnt and blooded corpse
cast onto the streets. Northerner Ian Howarth had been sworn in some three
years ago, his robust and militant ways immediately finding favour, but as
time passed by and brash early successes were replaced by hollow feuding
defeats, The MAD became weary of being belittled and shouted at. These
sermons of hatred now fell on deaf ears and they yearned once again to feel
the love….
I. Howarth’s
dictatorship came to a bloody end in the fall of 2008…. Time under Howarth’s tenure had left its scars however,
and although the men wanted change, they would want a gradual change, one
likened to slowly releasing a caged animal back into the wild. Despite already
being laboured with the finances of the club, Martin Westmoreland was deemed a
perfect replacement. He eschewed his own brand of northern intent, but one
with a patient smile, an attribute realised by bringing up two tiny boys and
dealing with the daily grind of a corrupt telecommunications giant (unnamed).
Martin was also likeable and very well acquainted with the team, making him an
ideal choice for dealing with the insecurities and paranoia within the ranks.
Moreover, he was acutely aware of the history of the club, of where it
started and what it was and what it should be. And so it was, the Moo Man was voted into office, and
Howarth’s corpse was feasted on by the bloated rats and zealous crows of Woodstock
Road. All was happy in the Land of The Mad.
A new era, a
new King. In the days leading up to the opening game of the
season, the sun had shone brightly over Oxfordshire, with smiles returning to
the winter beaten populace. So it was with some alarm and pessimism that greeted
forecasts of possible change. After two years of blanket grey skies and persistent
rains, no wonder The Club’s legendary Aussie Ant Mann had buggered off whence
he came. It takes its toll after a while, looking out each day through rain
splattered windows and wondering what crap is on TV…. Jesus, we live in this darkened
abyss for eight months of the fucking year, so surely a few months of sun in
summer is not too much to ask? Maybe it’s the luck of The Moo? Because when Sunday did eventually come to be, the sun did
shine bright, and the BBC doom mongers that masquerade as weather forecasters
were shot in their beds.
A traditional
MAD pre-match warm up. It was a fresh look to the Far from the Marlborough
Offices that assembled at the Bystander Pub. More of the guys were now dads,
more of them were now married and more looked older with less hair. There was
also a far greater percentage now that been stolen from teams gone and since
forgotten. They still drank the same amount, and they still took the piss at
every opportunity, but it did seem
slightly different. Or maybe it was just like the start of every other bloody
year, but this particular writer just can’t quite remember….
Antony G.
Mann – he didn’t open the bowling on Sunday. On arrival at the picturesque Wootton & Boars Hill
ground, things did seem much more familiar. Martin quickly lost the toss, and
was even quicker in apportioning blame on his 2yr old son. More familiarity
followed with The MAD’s opening salvo being thrown by another ambling 6ft Aussie,
the equally genial JP Collins. Together with the accurate swing of D. Shorten
(5-2-8-0), the Wootton batsmen were kept in check. It would take an inspired
spell of artful pie to make the initial breakthrough however, James Hoskins
(8-1-20-1) enticing opener T. Fisher (22) into spiralling one to deep cow. Collins
(8-0-34-1) would wait until his final delivery before reaping his rewards,
finally knocking back the timber of A. Cornish (19) to have the opposition 60-2. In front of an expectant Mad, their new pin-up finally loped
in from the far end. Off an elongated run, Debutant Dave (8-2-30-1) impressed
all with a fine line on off-stump to complement his equally assured alcoholic
glow. Mr Emerson’s maiden scalp came coming courtesy of D. Edwards’ amazing
reflexes at slip. Where else would Dan be to be fair? Certainly not
robotically haring after a ball with his hands glued inside his pockets. The Wootton team would eventually realise 161-6 off
their 40 overs, their progress thwarted in the latter overs by some accurate
bowling from ex pin-up A. Darley
(4-0-17-1) and some head-high beamers from Tottenham football thug, S. Dobner
(7-1-32-2). A good day in the field then and certainly not an unmanageable
total to chase.
Fluffy dogs
immediately picked up the scent of bunny, A. Darley. Numbers on the boundary were swelled during the tea
interval by the appearance of various wives and girlfriends, children and
babies, non-playing players, dogs, bemused passers-by, and a few local chavs
hoping to make use of the subsidised bar (fridge). The Wootton banquet was
good on the whole and very well received, and due to the winter disappearance
of Ade Small, nearly everybody got something to eat, including Mr T. P. W. Smith,
who was not at all pissed off by his omission from the team due to his e-mail
playing up when replying “available”. In your first day in office, it is also de rigueur for
the new MAD Skipper to bat like an utter cock. I hereby list the statistics
as provided by our very own dear Statto:
…and the portents weren’t good with Martin’s two
previous visits to this ground realising two golden ducks, bowled on both occasions.
This time however, things were very different, with Moo edging his first ball
past his stumps, slicing the next for a couple through the slips, and then
neatly leaving a straight one to be castled for 2. Job done, monkey off his
back, and a fine impetus set for The Mad reply. The good work continued with Edwards pouched for 1,
Darley pouched for 4 off a full toss, and a dancing Ian Leggate bowled still searching
for his first run for the club. 16-4 and the potential there for the
cricketing equivalent of finding a freshly laid dog turd on your lounge
carpet.
Daisy looks
at Miniature Dad (Dan) taking guard. Thankfully, this day didn’t join The MAD catalogue of
infamous collapses, with the vilified Howarth found a willing accomplice in
Tesco shelf-filler, Steve Dobner. With a mixture of good old-fashioned blocking
permeated with a cut and the odd slog here and there, the FFTMCC recovered to
70-4, and thus it seemed the match was back in the balance. That was until
Howarth (36) tried to deposit his fixture secretary counterpart, Dave Parker,
out of the ground, and failed. Our Essex hero now forged a partnership with languid
builder, Dave Shorten (14), the latter showcasing real promise before Steve decided
to run him out. After that, the fragile pieces gluing MAD bandwagon started
to vibrate and haemorrhage all around. James Hoskins’ (10) brief cameo ended
after he failed to learn from his previous delivery, Matt Bullock (1)
perished doing something nobody couldn’t really fathom, and Stevie D’s (37)
long vigil was ended trying hoik A. Fisher (3.2-0-12-2) into the potato
field.
The “blame
game” always starts with a glance at the scorebook…. It was all left to antipodeans Collins and Emerson to
salvage the day, however JP (0*) never got the chance to prove his worth, as
his dancing partner pirouetted down the wicket first ball to register a
golden. 118 all out. So where did the blame lie for this inaugural defeat
under Westmoreland’s reign? Certainly not the team, absolutely not, I’m
afraid fingers were pointed immediately in the direction of young 2yr old
Daniel Westmoreland. It was his
call of the toss, it was his fault
we fielded first and it was quite obviously his fault we batted like a bunch of pricks. Shame on him. Gentleman, we are all exonerated for this defeat.
“Daniel, the
boys aren’t happy with you!” ‘Spam’
|
*
Statto
Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Wootton &
Boars Hill CC Played at Wootton & Boars Hill,
26 April 2009 Wootton & Boars Hill CC won the
toss and elected to bat Wootton & Boars Hill CC won by 43 runs Far from the MCC debuts:
Dave
Emerson (105) |
09 / 167 40 over match |
|
Team |
Wootton & Boars Hill CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
A. Cornish |
b Collins |
19 |
|
|
|
1-48 |
|
2 |
T. Fisher |
c Howarth b Hoskins |
22 |
|
|
|
2-60 |
|
3 |
D. Abbott |
c Emerson b Dobner |
12 |
|
|
|
3-82 |
|
4 |
J. Fisher * |
c Edwards b Emerson |
18 |
|
|
|
4-96 |
|
5 |
D. Spilsbury |
b Dobner |
9 |
|
|
|
5-113 |
|
6 |
A. Fisher |
not out |
31 |
|
|
|
- |
|
7 |
D. Godfrey |
b Darley |
5 |
|
|
|
6-127 |
|
8 |
D. Parker |
not out |
8 |
|
|
|
- |
|
9 |
J. Rogers + |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
M. Bell |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
J. Werrell |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB10, W14, LB1, B12) |
37 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 6 wickets, 40 overs) |
161 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Shorten |
5 |
2 |
8 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Collins |
8 |
0 |
34 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
8 |
1 |
20 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Emerson |
8 |
2 |
30 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Dobner |
7 |
1 |
31 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Darley |
4 |
0 |
17 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. M. Edwards |
c Godfrey b Spilsbury |
1 |
(13) |
- |
- |
2-4 |
|
2 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
b Spilsbury |
2 |
(3) |
- |
- |
1-3 |
|
3 |
I. Howarth |
b Parker |
36 |
(44) |
8 |
- |
5-70 |
|
4 |
A. Darley |
c Abbott b Spilsbury |
4 |
(5) |
- |
- |
3-12 |
|
5 |
I. C. Leggate |
b Spilsbury |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
4-16 |
|
6 |
S. L. Dobner |
b A. Fisher |
37 |
(95) |
4 |
- |
9-118 |
|
7 |
D. Shorten |
run out |
14 |
(23) |
2 |
- |
6-98 |
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Cornish |
10 |
(12) |
2 |
- |
7-110 |
|
9 |
M. Bullock + |
b Bell |
1 |
(7) |
- |
- |
8-118 |
|
10 |
J. P. Collins |
not out |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
D. Emerson |
b A. Fisher |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
10-118 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W3, LB3, B6) |
13 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 34.2 overs) |
118 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Spilsbury |
4 |
0 |
8 |
4 |
|
|
2 |
Abbott |
6 |
1 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
J. Fisher |
4 |
1 |
7 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Godfrey |
5 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Parker |
6 |
2 |
18 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Cornish |
5 |
1 |
21 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
A. Fisher |
3.2 |
0 |
12 |
2 |
|
|
8 |
Bell |
1 |
0 |
3 |
1 |
|
|
MOTM: S. L. Dobner Champagne Moment: D. M. Edwards’
reactionary catch at slip Buffet
Award: S. L. Dobner’s Essex hot-pot
(with onion rings and salad sides) |
Opposition:
V039 / 04 Ground: G017 / 04 Captain: C011 / 03 |