Far from the MCC fines 13.08.09 v Louth CC (a) lost by 96 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Steve P	Nannying the team x 10	Consistent e-mails and phone calls	£2.50
	Hypochondriac	Appendix injury
	Self importance	“I am the ambassador for the team”
	Snobbish behaviour	(see above)
	Tour paranoia	“Team will let me down”
	Dissing team x 10	“Bunch of fucking slackers”	£2.50
	Dissing team x 10	“Crap batting team”	£2.50
			£8.50
Steve D	Dictatorship	Telling Jake “to do what your told”
	Failure to invite mates to golf
	Self importance
	Nannying the team x 10		£2.50
	Kim abuse	Blaming wife for accommodation
	Kim abuse	Having wife who thinks team are irresponsible
	Duck		50p
	Impersonating a pharmacist	Giving drugs to Moo
			£4.50
Matt	Communication avoidance	Not on e-mail or phone
	Hating Reevsie	Not arranging lift for Mike
	TVR avoidance
	Duck avoidance
	Camera avoidance
	Run-rate avoidance	Batting too slow
	Solo pub crawl	Not inviting mates
	Failure to know sheep price	Locals not impressed
	Willing ball to boundary	To save running after it
			£2.25
Dan	Not sharing his happy pills
	Puppy avoidance
	Living in denial	Claiming he has good tunes on his ipod
	Bullying Stevie P	Trying to push puppy responsibilities onto him
	Pissing on pitch
	Cob	Blaming jake for drop
	Failure to carry bat
	Hogging golden hat	Hat awarded to last person to drop
	Falling asleep	During “evolution” chat in van
	Poor maths	Mistaking 143 for 243
	Inability to count
	Outscored by overs
			£3.00
Dave S	Pub avoidance
	Vandalism threat	Dan’s door
	Vandalism threat	Leggate’s door
	Vandalism threat	James’ door
	Impersonating Jack Nicholson	Hairstyle
	Hogging kit bags	In van
	Mum and dad avoidance
	Honey avoidance
	Illegal immigrants	Van packed by people
	Awful spell of bowling	Second spell
	Imprisoning Ian Leggate in van
	Being too eager	Wearing kit on arrival
	Builder over-estimation
	Failing to communicate	Silence in field (fear of fines)
	Failing to guide team home
	Over quoting	For fixing creaking toilet doors
	Impersonating a repo-man	Picking Ian Leggate up
			£4.25
Martin	Failure to invite mates to golf
	Pub avoidance	Evening before trip
	Text avoidance	Not answering texts
	Fine entrapment	Louth pronunciation
	Closing door after horse had bolted	Wearing helmet
	Impersonating a boxer	Black swollen eye
	Denying wife a good laugh
	Precipitating collapse
	Not manning it up	Wearing helmet
	Failure to run single
	Blood avoidance	After getting ball in head
	Cob
			£3.00
Ian H	Failure to get haircut
	Moaning	About back
	Fine entrapment	Fining at Dew Drop (evening before)
	OCD on tour
	Boasting about Lego’s fines	Mumbles
	Moaning	About jaundice at Mumbles
	Shitting problem	Ibuprofen for back
	Hogging fines
	Rushing Thorn’s drinking
	Trying to impress	Shot-gunning cider [and failing]
	Moaning	Oldham FC crap
	Reminiscing	Oldham FC
	Self entrapment
	Cob
	Losing toss	Pub round	50p
	Losing pen	When in pocket
	Claiming to bankroll team	Tour fines (and moaning throughout)
	Incompetent fining
	Moaning	Pen theft
	Cob	At service station
	Poor English	Can’t pronounce Louth
	Being judge and jury	Self appointed fines judge
	Child abuse	Bowling bouncer
	Umpire abuse x 2	Swearing / heckling	50p
	Setting bad example
	Bodyline	Bouncers
	Persistent long-hops	Crap bouncers
	Poor cob	On dismissal
			£7.50
Mike R	Travelling in girl’s car	James’ Porsche
	Poor organisational skills	Getting lift to Louth
	Boasting	He could cycle to Louth quicker than anyone driving
	Failing to abuse courtesy car	Driving to Louth
	Pub avoidance	Dew Drop
	Rain avoidance	Sunny
	Average protection
	Helmet avoidance
	Lack of compass
	Inconveniencing scorers	Bowling persistent wides
	Bicycle avoidance
	Dissing team
			£3.00
Thorn	Justifying Leggate’s attire	Looking like a tramp
	Drinking quick	To enable cheap rounds
	Bicycle paranoia	Left at pub evening before
	Impersonating Terry Waite	Rusty bicycle
	Comparing Billy to a slapper
	Boasting	About VD
	Advocating violence x 2		50p
	Living life back to front	Leaving school, work, then college
	Hogging storytelling	At pub
	Interrupting x 3	People’s stories	75p
	Talking bollocks
	Cob x 2		50p
	Treating Billy like a lover
	Demolishing James’ workbench	For poker
	Aggressive behaviour	On waking up
	Impersonating granddad	Miserable twat
	Duck		50p
			£5.50
Jake	Failure to get haircut
	Talking shit	Glastonbury
	Breaking into Glastonbury
	Rant x 3	Councils, traffic, buses	75p
	Fine entrapment	Chucking lighter
	Aggressive nature	When pissed
	Harrassing Billy
	Baby confusion	FFTMCC babies
	Cob
	Babbling shit	Since 11pm
	Smoke obsession	Since 11pm
	Crap “joint” jokes
	Using “C” word at James’ house
	Moaning	Lack of flip flops
	Moaning	Lack of breakfast
	Poor navigation	Missing junction 21a
	Babbling shit	In morning
	Duck avoidance
	Impersonating Hannibal Lectar	Face mask (keeping)
	Obstruction	Dan’s dropped catch
			£5.50
James	Being a Scottish twat	Buying Buckfast
	Poor morals	Offering driver Buckfast
	Driving a woman’s car	Porsche
	Impersonating an MP	Finger tapping and pointing
	Feigning swine flu	For sympathy
	Moaning	About illness
	Stating the fucking obvious x 3		75p
	Self importance
	Moaning	About fines
	Cob x 2		50p
	Dissing buses	“I only get taxis”
	Reminiscing	Southampton CC
	Poor self esteem	“My last match report was crap”
	Losing toss	Driving to Louth	50p
	Moaning	Hangover
	Singing like a prick	“Ride my bicycle” in pub
	Poor attire	Crap touring shirt
	Golden hat neglect x 3		75p
	Poor appeal	For bump ball
	Willing Thorn to drop ball
	Asking skipper to come off
	Paparazzi-ism
	Hypochondriac
	Drop		50p
	Moaning	About busted finger
	Self importance
	Impersonating a tourist	Camera around neck
	Sea obsession
	Lack of orientation
	Dissing team x 10	“You’re all blind”	£2.50
			£11.50
Ian L	Stripping in public	Dew Drop
	Too eager	Wearing cricket kit before tour
	Poor attire	Cricket kit with price tag on
	Wearing cheap kit	On offer
	Spoonerism	“Tart of tour”
	Boasting	First catch could have killed him
	Poor self esteem	Shock at catching ball (much like everybody else on the pitch)
	Illusions of grandeur	“I’m the skipper"
	Illusions of grandeur	“I’m the wicket keeper”
	Boasting and lying at the same time	“I had worst swine flu ever”
	Hypochondriac
	Can only bowl on drugs
	Self importance
	Lying (quote)	“I’ve never been to a pub”
	Moaning	Fines
	Aggressive nature	Calling team mates bastards
	Pissed
	Chumba Wumba impersonation	“I get knocked down…”
	Mothering James
	Claiming to bankroll team	Fines
	Advocating anarchy	Society is shit
	Harassing Billy
	Poor judge of character	“Landlord of Dew Drop is nice”
	Talking bollocks
	Wearing an Office’s tour top
	Shit directions	Dave / Dan
	Crap over	“Get him off!!!!”
	Hogging an over	Lasted so long
	Presuming to borrow Moo’s bat
	Poor attire	Non-cricketing hat
	Comedy fielding	Following ball like a dog
	Cob
			£8.00
		TOTAL	£66.50

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2