“The Pitch Inspector’s Report”

Match: 09 / 185

Lost by 96 runs

Team	Total
Louth CC	243 - 8
I. Howarth 3 - 40, J. Hoskins 2 - 25
FFTMCC	147
D. Edwards 42, I. Howarth 30

As an accustomed and now semi-retired cricket wicket inspector, it was with great pleasure that I was delighted to be able to report on Louth’s £2m ground and pavilion refurbishment.

I turned to my learned friend Mr Boycott; “For tha’ money the’s’d be’er be a Test quality wicket!”

I was lucky enough to be invited to take part in a gentle warm-up game on a side strip at the edge of the square. “Thay’s a solid pitch. It’ll play firm and true. A batsman’s paradise. I reckon thee’s worth a million just for ’’roller.

“’Ang on! Look at the’ cracks!”

“I ca’ not only get m’ car keys in these, I can bloody well start the engine!”

I noted the cracks were random, unlike the checkerboard pattern at Brasenose. So, a nice solid bouncy surface with the odd random spot that would take off even more, yet the odd one that would keep low. (And a potentially potent weapon for Louth the following day against the England Women’s XI, who would surely be on average lower in height than the Louth bowlers…)

The England ladies sure are diminutive.

I was guided to the changing room through a maze of doors. Someone apologized for Diana’s absence.

During our scratch XI’s bowling display, I witnessed a previously unseen amount of swing. New ball and old ball. Remarkable given the unprecedented dry sunny conditions. Wonder if the salt plays a part?

Later we got to play with the £10k remote-controlled digital scoreboard. Good job, because none of the locals seemed to know how to work it. I found the umpire light to be completely useless; neither umpire even glanced in the direction of the scoreboard when signalling. And we are still mystified about the ‘Horn’ button….

In summary, it’s a new surface and I believe it will settle, with the cracks filled in, to play for some fantastic cricket entertainment in 2010 on what I expect by then to be a Test quality wicket. The bar could really do with a cellar, or at least an ingenious fridge to keep the barrels at 11°C.

The tallest “church” spire in England.

Louth has a fantastic cathedral. Well, it will have when it gets city status. Unlike somewhere like Reading.

Lincoln has nothing apart from a decent cathedral, crappy tourism, and tea-shops that serve overpriced instant coffee in mugs that came free from hairdressers.

I rest my case of beer.

‘The Pitch Inspector’