“William Tells of Scrumping Orgy in Middle England”

 

 

Match:  09 / 180

Won by 1 run

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

120 - 7

D. Edwards  35*,  A. Darley  19

 

Appleton CC

119 - 6

D. Emerson  2 - 14,  JP Collins  2 - 26

 

 

 

 

It was a deceptively cold mid-July evening which saw the assembled ranks gather at the Appleton ground just on the outskirts of the Back of Beyond. The team arrived one by one, and to a man they all stepped out of cars, wrinkled noses and declared that Thorn had again been at the molasses. It turned out that the pitch was in fact situated next to a sewage refinery, which brought a whole new meaning to phrases such as “smacking the crap out of the ball” and “smearing it all over the park” and “Spam, that’s shit”.

 

 

2009jul22e

 

Joe Puppy (background) probably at home crapping in Appleton.

 

 

The Oppo were an unknown quantity in more than one respect – firstly we hadn’t played them before, and secondly there were at various stages of the game anything between 10 and 14 players on side for them. No matter, said Moo, our erstwhile and emeritus leader, for we shall simply let Dan bat twice! A more than fair trade was agreed and The MAD openers of Mr Spellcaster & Mr Lego went out and each produced cameo Boycott-esque style innings. The assorted crowd looked on in confusion, trying to understand the Morse code of dots and dashes, when all of a sudden a brace of boundaries brought the score up to a roughly respectable 35 off the first 7 overs. Having smacked one glorious 6 over mid on, Lego was then caught for 10, bringing the hopelessly out of form Del Boy to the crease. Rather than play his traditional hoiking to cow, he decided he would stake a claim for the Bopara spot and in a not-too-dissimilar fashion, bludgeoned his way to 19 (including an impressive flat 6 over mid-on) after at least 3 of his 9 lives were used up in Chinese cuts. Shortly after Del’s arrival, Danmeister retired, as previously agreed between skippers, for a sterling 35 not out. Even Joe Puppy managed to get to his feet to applaud his Master.

 

 

2009jul22c

 

“No Mr. Emerson, it’s not personal, you’re just a solid number eleven.”

 

 

During his long awaited return to form with the bat, ‘Del Boy’ Darley watched a line of hapless wonders trudge out to the crease then back again shortly after… Jesus Thorn, one boundary, caught for 5… Skipper Moo, one boundary caught for 6… Mr Beer Matt, bowled for a Golden by a beauty from a, errr, not so beautiful bowler…. Finally, with 3 or 4 overs to go Del flayed a rocket to square leg where in proper Gary Glitter style he picked out the youngest in the field, who took a great low catch.

 

Just time then for ‘Stevie Wonder’ Hoskins to step up for a quick-fire 16*, resplendent in dark glasses despite the lengthening shadows, soon to be joined by JP Collins (1*) after J-Mo called Geoff (4) for a suicide 2nd run, despite the ball being firmly in the fielder’s hand when the run was called. Yeah, those shades really help in those evening games Hoskers….

 

Anyway, to make a short story rather long, MAD ended on 120 off their 20 overs with B. Harsant also chipping in with a handy boundary, a fairly good score on a pudgy flan of a wicket. All those who yearn for the days of uncovered wickets need only spend an afternoon or two on some of the swamps and marshes around the country to be forever cured of their misdirection.

 

 

2009Jul22a

 

As Matt (right) will tell you, this games’ bollocks sometimes.

 

 

So, the ever-shrewd MooSkip correctly surmised that pace and accuracy would not do the job, so instead opted for the pie of JP and the erratic legside flinging of Lego to start the bowling response. This turned out to be an inspired choice, as JP (4-0-26-2) found the mark early on by getting the #1 bat to play on, though you could barely call it a “wicket”, and Lego (4-0-21-1) got the #2 to hoik to mid on. The middle order however, settled reasonably quickly and managed to put on 26 and 38 respectively, prompting a change of bowling.

 

Emerson hadn’t featured in the match yet, which usually meant he had fallen over somewhere having imbibed too much, but today he fired in a 4 over spell of magnificent movement and pace, resulting in 2 wickets for a mere 14 runs. Backed up by the irrepressible J-Mo (4-0-32-1) at the other end, the duo suppressed the score nicely and brought about a number of dropped catches which should swell the fine coffers….

 

 

2009jul22d

 

Some great zoom photography from “Del Boy” Darley.

 

 

Turning to The Wizard and Christ Almighty for the last 4 overs, the Oppo nearly upset the apple cart, belting the long hops of Thorn (2-0-15-0) to the square leg boundary time and again, but some clever jiggling of the field for Dan’s bowling (2-0-9-0) by our worthy leader dried the runs up just in time, and despite the brave fightback the day was finally won by the MAD, by ONE run.

 

We then all repaired to the delightful pub in Appleton village and got rosy with cider. All in all a worthy oppo, all 15 of them, and a fixture for, err re-fixing next year.

 

 

‘Golden DEL-icious’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Appleton CC

Played at Appleton 22 July 2009

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Far from the MCC won by 1 run

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

09 / 180

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

retired

35

(31)

7

-

-

2

D. Shorten

c b J. Crowe

10

(15)

-

1

1-31

3

A. Darley

c Harden b Buck

19

(24)

1

1

6-96

4

T. P. W. Smith

c b Payne

5

(5)

1

-

2-67

5

M. T. Westmoreland *

c b Daniel

6

(6)

1

-

3-80

6

M. Bullock

b Daniel

0

(1)

-

-

4-80

7

G. Carter +

run out

4

(10)

-

-

5-92

8

J. D. Hoskins

not out

16

(10)

2

-

-

9

B. Harsant

c Daniel b Lawfull

4

(9)

1

-

7-101

10

J. P. Collins

not out

1

(9)

-

-

-

11

D. Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB5, W10, LB1, B4)

20

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)

120

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

T. Crowe

3

0

16

0

 

2

McKno

3

0

10

0

 

3

J. Crowe

2

0

19

0

 

4

Payne

3

0

18

1

 

5

Lawfull

3

0

22

1

 

6

Daniel

2

0

3

2

 

7

Buck

1

0

2

1

 

8

Hammond

2

0

18

0

 

9

Harden

1

1

0

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Appleton CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

Farrell

b Collins

0

 

 

 

 

2

A. Buck

c Darley b Shorten

1

 

 

 

 

3

G. Alder

b Collins

26

 

 

 

 

4

S. Daniel

retired

38

 

 

 

 

5

C. Lawfull

b Hoskins

2

 

 

 

 

6

C. McKno

b Emerson

9

 

 

 

 

7

B. Harden

c Smith b Emerson

3

 

 

 

 

8

Payne

not out

9

 

 

 

 

9

T. Crowe

not out

13

 

 

 

 

10

J. Crowe

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

A. Hammond

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB3, W5, LB1, B9)

18

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)

119

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Collins

4

0

26

2

 

2

Shorten

4

0

21

1

 

3

Hoskins

4

0

32

1

 

4

Emerson

4

0

14

2

 

5

Edwards

2

0

9

0

 

6

Smith

2

0

15

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  T. P. W. Smith

Champagne Moment:  D. Emerson’s inswinging Yorker dismissal

Buffet Award:  J. D. Hoskins’ marmite and cheese bagels

 

Opposition:  V051 / 01

Ground:  G042 / 01

Captain:  C011 / 13