“The Tonking Inspector”

Match: 09 / 171

Lost by 207 runs

Team	Total
Tetsworth CC	358 - 8
J. Hoskins 4 - 63, A. Darley 2 - 41
FFTMCC	151
I. Howarth 57, D. Edwards 48

As a Tonking Inspector, it has been my duty and privilege over the years to witness a large number of impressive tonkings, and as chance would have it, many of those tonkings have been handed out to Far from the MCC.

I was on hand to witness the Great Tonking of 2002 when Lemmings beat FFTMCC by 206 runs on a sunny day at Pembroke. On that day only Ed Lester put up any resistance, top-scoring with 24 for The Mad out of a total of not many at all. I was there at Tonkfest ’08, when the boys from Cholsey put on 253 and tonked The Mad by 192. Likewise, I saw with my own eyes the Tonking of Cobland (also in 2008 – what a great year it was) when Milton beat The Mad by 141 on a sweltering afternoon in June. Or July.

Skipper A. Blenheim, with Oxford and Stanford 20/20 legend H. Shallow (right).

Three fine tonkings, all worthy of note. Yet all of them pale into insignificance beside the tonking of which I am now about to speak. Never in my time as Inspector of the Tonk have I seen a tonking such as that which took place at Tetsworth last Sunday. And curiously, I didn’t even see it. On occasion, a tonking is so big, so vast, so comprehensive, that the Duty Inspector need not even be in the same hemisphere of the planet to be able to gauge its impact, and this was case at Tetsworth.

Five sixes and a four hit off one I. Howarth over. Three balls lost in the hedges during one over from N. Hebbes. S. Dobner smacked twice into the pub. And these were the better bowlers. A total of twenty-two 6s and thirty-eight 4s. Or thereabouts. It’s easy to lose count when there are so many.

By the time H. Shallow retired hurt (severe neck strain due to looking skyward so often as the ball sailed over the boundary rope) on 182, Tetsworth had easily reached the 300 mark and finished on 358-8 from 33.2 overs [declared].

6 6 4 6 6 6 6 6 4 = well bowled I. Howarth.

This was indeed a marvellous tonking, the likes of which will possibly never been seen again. And yet, the game was played in such a fine spirit, that afterwards, the Tetsworth team, management, girlfriends, hangers on, spectators and groundsmen all praised The Mad for their genuine sportsmanship, and invited them to come back and have their bowling flayed mercilessly around the park whenever they so desired.

Bravo!

If I have any regrets in my official capacity in this instance, it is that I wasn’t actually present to play some small part in the tonking myself.

‘Tonking Inspector’