Far from the MCC fines 06.09.09 v Astons CC (a) match drawn

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Andy D	Duck		£0.50
	Parkinson’s Cob	Exchanging kit with Howarth in changing room	£1.00
	Impersonating a Clown	Breaking-knuckles-on-chin act
	Commentator’s Jinx	Predicting Dan’s dismissal, then Moo out next ball
			£2.00
Ian H	Major Cob	Bat-throwing when out	£0.50
	Parkinson’s Cob	Exchanging kit with Darley in changing room	£1.00
	Minor Cob	“Am I the only player who can fucking catch?!”
	Spreading Disease	Lurgee / Eczema on eye
	Dissing the Captain	Re battening down hatches: “Dour northern negative bastard”
	Throwing Stones In Glass House
	Impersonating a Southern Wimp	“Oof!” then lying on ground for 10 minutes after being hit in gonads
	Minor Cob	To make it up to...
			£3.00
Thorn	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	Impersonating the Invisible Man	Possessing ball-sized hole whilst fielding; ball went through like a Jalfrezi
	Self-Pitying	Re fielding
	Smoking on Pitch		£0.50
	Accusing Team Mates of Dogging x3	They were looking for the ball in a hedgerow	£0.75
	Bringing Own Tea	Rotten sandwich from last week
			£2.50
James	Padding-Up Avoidance	Did not realize would be next in
	Self Importance	“But I am the best bowler this team has ever had!”
	Dropped Catch	Off own bowling	£0.50
	Comedy Fielding	Ball-sized hole
	Comedy Umpiring	Impersonating a sightscreen, standing 70 yards behind start of bowlers run-up
	Impersonating a Woman	Driving Porsche Boxter
	Looking Like Sh*t	On arrival
	Harbouring Dark Thoughts	Impersonating Ant
	Despair	(Impersonating Reevsie) when not getting wicket
			£2.50
Matt	Duck		£0.50
	Ball Avoidance	Leaving catches to Dan at slip
	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	TVR Avoidance
	Impersonating a Tramp	Knackered old kit
	Brown Bag Avoidance	For complete tramp outfit
	Impersonating Billy Liar	Said would be late but was on time
			£2.25
Martin	Negativity	Instructions to batten down hatches when 8 down
	Lack of Faith	In batting order
	Dithering	Re batting order and pool systems
	Flogging the Bowlers	In dictatorial manner
	Bringing Back Bowlers at Wrong End	Darley/Emerson uphill/downhill mix-up
	Hypochondria	Feigning back injury
	Impersonating a Weightlifter	But not lifting any weights
	Cross-Dressing	Wearing a corset
	Changing Room Avoidance	Put off by Southern plushness
	Paranoia	About kit security
	Failure to Convert	29 but not 50
	Bowling Avoidance
	Self Importance	Being the 1 in effectively an 8-1 field
	Minor Cob	“Fucking ridiculous” re amount of fines
			£3.50
Ade F	Dropped Catch		£0.50
	Impersonating The Statue Of Liberty	Lack of movement In field
	Grumbling	“You don’t know how much that f***ing hurt”
	Alcohol Avoidance	“I may be sh*t but at least I’m not p*ssed”
	Ignorance	To Dan: “I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about mate”
	Ade’s Answers Avoidance	New ‘Ask Ade’ website section awaits…
			£1.75
Dave E	Average Protection	Impersonating J. Anderson / M. Panesar
	Failure to Win Game	Blocking out final overs
	Alcohol Avoidance	Toast instead of Stella for breakfast
	Grumbling	About bowling uphill
	Dissing the Team	In some existentialist nonsense
	Self Importance	“I play much better for other teams”
	Spreading Herpes	Not bringing own box
	Impersonating a Radish	Looking sunburnt with exhaustion
	Impersonating a Woman	Fake tan accomplished by liberal application of alcohol
			£2.25
Dan	Walking Avoidance x 2	To stumpings. The antithesis to Aussie Michael Clarke.	£0.50
	Dropped Catch x 3	Some sharp/impossible chances at slip	£1.50
	Hat Theft	Opp. Batsman’s cap
	Dog Avoidance	Plenty of dogs at ground, but no Joe
	Self Importance	Getting Ian to carry his bag from house to car. Demanding valets, red carpets, etc.
			£2.75
Jake	Turning Up Late
	Making Late Later	Meander to changing rooms, slow changing
	Impersonating Jesus	On taking field, umpire comments: “Blimey, it’s the second coming”
	Smoking Avoidance	Letting fag repeatedly go out during fines.
	Dropped Catch	Poor positional judgment of skier	£0.50
	Self Entrapment	Claiming giving catching practice whilst batting
	Average Protection	Scoring more than 1
			£2.00
Steve D	Turning Up Late
	Making Late Later	Meander to changing rooms, slow changing
	Failure to Control Wife & Kids	Wandering behind bowler’s arm
	Failure to Control Wife & Kids	Sitting right on boundary with backs to game
			£1.00
Ian Gibson (opp)	Cross-Dressing	At party the previous night
	Interrupting Fines Committee	With self-fining
	Being Slapped by Wife	After comment about ‘scoring’
	Failure To Bury Hatchet	With wife (in wife?)
			£1.00
		TOTAL	£26.50

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2