“The Captaincy Inspector’s Report”
Match: 10
/ 213
Lost
by 3 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Honiton CC |
187 |
|
I. Howarth 4 - 30, J. Hoskins
2 - 20 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
184 |
|
J. Hoskins 50, N. Hebbes
45 |
|
|
As a trusted and Certified
Captaincy Inspector it has been my privilege over the years to bear witness
to the art of cricketing captaincy in the many arenas around the world. I
have seen some skipper’s perplexed, some in fits of anger and frustration,
some exultant in jubilation, and some paralytic at the bar knowing they’ve really fucked things up. Most of you will be aware of the two basic types of captaincy blunders: 1 - Overly Cautious and Overrating the Opposition The most recent example
of this was in the 3rd test at St. John’s, Antigua against the
West Indies in 2009, where England Captain Andrew Strauss elected to continue
batting well into the final session of the 2nd day, despite being one down in
the series and knowing it was almost futile trying to bowl a team out twice
(on the soft feather-bed wickets). It was ridiculously negative tactics and
the Windies went on save the test by 1 wicket when overs ran out. 2 - Blindly
Ignorant of Team’s Strengths Pakistan skipper Salman Butt was guilty of this in the 2nd test of
their series in England in 2010. Winning the toss on a humid and overcast
day, and despite boasting a world class seam attack, he opted to bat first
against a buoyant England swing-bowling unit and capitulated to 72 all out. A
one nil deficit in the series quickly became 2-0.
Much to ponder.
Much to fuck up…. These incidents are well known to cricket historians and enthusiasts
alike, but not many of you will be aware of another quite common type of
captaincy mistake: 3 - Being Completely Fucking Useless I was lucky enough to
see an instructive example of this at Honiton on the 13th of August, 2010, when the home team took on Oxford touring
side Far from the MCC. As what
seems a touring bylaw these days, the tourists elected to blood a new captain
for the day, and in Dave Emerson they found a real cock in a barrel of
fannies. Quickly losing the toss, Dave watched agog as Honiton piled up 187
off their allotted overs as clueless bowling changes were backed up by some
clueless field settings. In keeping, Dave got himself humped for the buffet award and dived out the way of
anything head high. In reply, a contorted batting line-up folded like a deck
of cards with the skipper registering a duck. Dave was last seen asleep on a
mattress of his own piss.
“Nice socks, mate – as bad as your fucking
captaincy.” ‘Captaincy Inspector’
|
