“MAD Gilkesy of Tour Comedown”

 

 

Match:  10 / 215

Lost by 6 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

128

M. Westmoreland  40,  M. Reeves  34

 

Appleton CC

129 - 4

D. Emerson  2 - 28

 

 

 

 

Seated outside the Plough Inn in Appleton, the assembled players of the Far from the MCC scratched their heads whilst Dan Edwards’ eyes rolled from one guy to the next. “Erm,” started Martin, “…my backing up of Spam’s run out chance was pretty good.” M. Reeves nodded his approval, before suggesting his easy as piss catch at square leg was slightly better than Jake Hotson’s even more regulation catch behind. “Is that it?” questioned Edwards, “is that really fucking it? We’ve got that bad, that’s the best Champagne Moments we can pull out of the day…?” Silence. A few murmurs under the breath. More silence. And then an apologetic show of hands in favour of… er, Mike’s catch. Thankfully Ol’ Big Head opted against any re-enactment.

 

The Man of the Match vote was even more embarrassing to be fair. Candidates included the Reeves and Westmoreland for smacking some pastry about and then being dismissed against the first semblance of decent bowling, and Dave Emerson’s whole-hearted bowling from the Fetid Sewerage End of the ground. So a one-horse race then. It was nothing short of a shambles, and as Dan had quite rightly brought to everyone’s attention – had it really come to this?

 

 

 

Moo is all ears as to why Gary and Co. are utterly inept.

 

 

Earlier in the day, a successful coin toss allowed Mr. Westmoreland the option of batting first under rich blue skies and a delightfully warm sun. This he diligently did, backing a strong batting line-up [on paper] to produce the goods. Seven overs later and The MAD had been reduced to a pitiful 18-4. If Edwards (0), Littlechild (2) and Howarth (10) represented the engine house of MAD batting, then there was clearly no diesel in the engine or the starter motor was fucked. I. Leggate (0) then cemented the abysmal start by joining his mates in the garage at the second time of asking (he was also dropped).

 

 

 

M. Reeves (34) continues his recent good form with the bat.

 

 

With T. Smith (9) departing soon after for an oil change, there was a very real possibility that this match would have a lamentably early finish. With Appleton resistant to an early start on the piss, they made the obvious decision to “bring on the pie”. You can only hit what you face, but to bear witness to M. Reeves (34) and M. Westmoreland’s (40) apologetic swiping of everything lobbed from the donut wagon was cringeworthy. Still, they did all they could, and at least their efforts afforded some kind of respectability to The MAD total.

 

 

 

Smith gives it some umpty.

 

 

Back to the cricketing world and the introduction of R. Uren (6.4-2-19-4) cut a swathe through any hopes of a Mad revival [if there were any hopes, which there probably wasn’t – as soon as the pie menu was retracted]. The skipper went first, caught in the covers, before S. Dobner (12), A. Darley (golden), and J. Hotson (5) were all skittled in quick succession. It all left an incredulous D. Emerson stranded on 7 not out and The MAD blown away for a lousy 128.

 

Time for tea, and I’m happy to report the Far from the MCC showed no adverse effects from a weekend on the pop [in Sidmouth]. Nearly every available morsel was gobbled in record time, and anything that wasn’t eaten was devoured by Dan’s dog. It hardly represented a big ask in truth, as the majority of the team had hardly sated their hunger whilst batting.

 

 

 

The slips await any D. Emerson induced edges.

 

 

On resumption of the match the combination of D. Emerson (8-0-28-2) and A. Darley (8-1-23-0) worked well in tandem. Dave found his rhythm early doors sending keeper R. Gilkes (9) and M. Bungay (9) back whence they’d come, whereas Andrew was less fortunate, having a chance grassed behind and bypassing the edge on numerous occasions. But as with the previous Sunday encounter against this opponent, the introduction of A. Gilkes at number four proved pivotal. Mr. Gilkes seized on anything full, anything wide, anything short, and anything shit – which of course there was plenty (of shit). In particular, Steve Dobner’s (2-0-25-0) assortment of sausage rolls and Essex delicacies went down a storm, and perhaps more appropriately, Westmoreland (3-0-17-1) was deposited high and mighty into the sewage works.

 

 

 

Hannibal ‘Hotson’ does a good job behind the stumps.

 

 

With the game quickly [and mercifully] reaching its inevitable conclusion, Westmoreland reasoned on giving the last few overs to his Elite Pie Division. T. Smith (2-0-10-1) was rewarded for bowling straight, whereas I. Leggate (2-0-20-0) was unrewarded for not bowling straight. It mattered little, as Appleton coasted on A. Gilkes’ (73*) coat-tails to an emphatic and thoroughly convincing 6 wicket victory.

 

Historically The MAD have always been inept in the wake of Tour, with this day being no different. After drifting to the pub thereafter, the Appleton team found it somewhat ironic to find Dan Edward’s erstwhile black Labrador chewing on the remains of a pig’s trotter on the floor. For as they succinctly stated – “pick the fucking bones out of that.”

 

 

 

 

‘KP’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Appleton CC

Played at Appleton, 22 August 2010

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Appleton CC won by 6 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

10 / 215

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

c b McKno

0

(3)

-

-

1-0

2

G. S. Littlechild

c b T. Crowe

2

(5)

-

-

2-3

3

M. K. Reeves

c b J. Crowe

34

(55)

5

-

6-87

4

I. Howarth

b McKno

10

(7)

1

-

3-18

5

I. C. Leggate

c b McKno

0

(6)

-

-

4-18

6

T. P. W. Smith

lbw b Hancock

9

(11)

2

-

5-41

7

M. T. Westmoreland *

c b Uren

40

(62)

6

-

7-111

8

S. L. P. Dobner

b Uren

12

(32)

1

-

9-116

9

A. Darley

b Uren

0

(1)

-

-

8-111

10

J. C. W. Hotson +

b Uren

5

(16)

-

-

10-128

11

D. Emerson

not out

7

(4)

1

-

-

 

Extras

(NB3, W6)

9

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 33.4 overs)

128

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

McKno

4

2

10

3

 

2

T. Crowe

4

1

16

1

 

3

Alder

6

0

38

0

 

4

Hancock

6

1

22

1

 

5

J. Crowe

5

0

20

1

 

6

Uren

6.4

2

19

4

 

7

Elford

2

1

3

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Appleton CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. Manning

lbw b Westmoreland

13

 

 

 

3-80

2

R. Gilkes +

c Hotson b Emerson

9

 

 

 

1-20

3

M. Bungay

c Reeves b Emerson

9

 

 

 

2-32

4

A. Gilkes

not out

73

 

 

 

-

5

R. Uren

lbw b Smith

3

 

 

 

4-109

6

C. McKno

not out

6

 

 

 

-

7

S. Hancock

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. Elford

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

T. Crowe

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

J. Crowe

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

C. Alder

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB4, W6, LB2, B4)

16

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 25 overs)

129

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Emerson

8

0

28

2

 

2

Darley

8

1

23

0

 

3

Westmoreland

3

0

17

1

 

4

Dobner

2

0

25

0

 

5

Smith

2

0

10

1

 

6

Leggate

2

0

20

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. Emerson

Champagne Moment:  M. K. Reeves’ easy straightforward catch

Buffet Award:  S. L. Dobner’s whisky breakfast (with toasted buns)

 

 

Opposition:  V051 / 04

Ground:  G042 / 03

Captain:  C011 / 40