“Revolutionary Ten Man Cricket
A Failure in the Keble Mud”

 

 

Match:  10 / 216

Lost by 74 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

Oxenford CC

177 - 6

D. Emerson  2 - 11

 

FFTMCC

103

I. Howarth  25,  M. Westmoreland  17

 

 

 

 

Following his lack of enthusiasm in ordering club hoodies and beach shorts, Martin Westmoreland’s dip in popularity had him struggling to find a full team for Sunday’s inaugural game against Oxenford CC. Both the Gary’s pulled out citing illness, whilst club legend A. Morley was a late withdrawal after being nicked mixing 67 pints of beer with a quick spin in his motor. Even the ever reliable Mander’s were uncontactable – and a quick plea to the other 800 people on The MAD’s email list failed to cough up a single volunteer. So ten it was.

 

 

2010Aug29b

 

“Hmm. Mike Clarke – no mobile number. Fucking surprise there then….”

 

 

After another successful loss of the toss, Martin opted for an off-side heavy field to complement the leg-side bowling of D. Emerson and I. Howarth. Neither looked particularly dangerous on a pudding of a pitch, and as Ian ran up the hill and into the wind the heavens opened and players retreated back to the pavilion [with the hosts becalmed on 27 without loss].

 

 

 

Another beautiful summer’s day in Oxford….

 

 

The rain was quite heavy, but it did eventually relent enough for play to resume. The pudding was now more akin to paddy field, and the ball, once firm to the grip, now resembled a ball of seaweed. Evidently New Zealanders are more familiar to all things wet (sic), as Emerson (8-4-11-2), largely innocuous before the break, now bowled with renewed vigour sending Dines (13) and Audley-Miller (0) packing. Westmoreland (8-0-34-1) then got in on the act with some dibbly dobbly stuff to prize Mills out for 10, but things were tipping in Oxenford’s favour due to the confident batting of their skipper, T. Hampton. Drawing on experience of batting in a quagmire, Tim nudged, flicked and nurdled his way through the gears in guiding his team towards a decent total.

 

With less than 10 overs remaining, The MAD were quite optimistic they could keep their opponents to a relatively meagre total. Unfortunately a diet of head-high beamers from T. Smith (3-0-34-0), egg flan from J. Hoskins (4-0-21-1), and more legside dross from Howarth (6-0-29-1) ensured this was not the case. Oxenford finally topping out on 177-6, much to the bemusement of themselves and everyone else. Time for tea and plenty of food for thought [sic].

 

 

 

Dan (right) discovers the joys of food.

 

 

In an obvious charm offensive, Martin stripped D. Edwards of opening the batting and auctioned off his spot to the highest bidder. There were no takers as the guys were less than eager to wade out to the middle in their angling boots. As such, regular night watchman Dave “Jimmy Anderson” Emerson was thrown to the lions. He managed to rebuff a few mud pies before one caught the edge of his bat and he departed for a well-constructed nought. M. Reeves (5) didn’t fare too well either – failing to get a bite using a myriad of bait, he eventually got one that deviated onto middle stump just above his boot laces. This brought Edwards into bat with the obdurate I. Howarth, and together they pushed The MAD total past 50. It was far from easy out in the middle, but the regular opening combo at least showed some signs of knuckling down. A shame then when Edwards (12) flailed at a wide one and spooned it to point, and just a few overs later Howarth’s (25) castle was toppled after Barty (8-2-15-2) did him with an arm ball.

 

 

 

J. Hotson sweeps a ball at the keeper’s bollocks.

 

 

66-4 quickly became 68-6 as S. Dobner (6) and M. Bullock (1) sank in the swamp, and only Martin’s (17) rear-guard efforts with J. Hotson (9) saved The MAD frigate from a somewhat premature capsizing. Eventually though, both were bowled and matters were made worse when Howarth triggered J. Hoskins for 2. With Ian having none of James’ public show of descent, Mr. Hoskins followed his Mongoose back to the hutch to rant about the injustices of the world and Ian being a cock.

 

 

 

A despairing Martin (centre) holds his ‘fruit’ in shame.

 

 

The MAD all out for a measly 103, with T. Smith left marooned with an absent number eleven on 0 not out. In summation, ten men simply doesn’t cut the mud (arf). Note to skipper: simply must do better, or at the very least… become more popular.

 

 

‘KP’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Oxenford CC

Played at Keble College, 29 August 2010

 

Oxenford CC won the toss and elected to bat

Oxenford CC won by 74 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

10 / 216

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Oxenford CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

P. Dines +

b Emerson

13

 

1

-

1-27

2

T. Hampton *

not out

71

 

7

-

-

3

T. Audley-Miller

b Emerson

0

 

-

-

2-52

4

S. Mills

c Dobner b Westmoreland

10

 

1

-

3-54

5

A. Cosgrove

run out (Reeves/Smith)

42

 

6

-

4-137

6

S. Terry

st Hotson b Hoskins

12

 

1

-

5-161

7

J. Lakhani

c Hotson b Howarth

6

 

-

-

6-172

8

P. Barty

not out

0

 

-

-

-

9

R. Taylor

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

M. Gilleard

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

D.Das

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB2, W9, LB1, B9)

21

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 6 wickets, 40 overs)

177

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Emerson

8

4

11

2

 

2

Howarth

6

0

29

1

 

3

Reeves

6

1

23

0

 

4

Westmoreland

8

0

34

1

 

5

Dobner

5

0

13

0

 

6

Smith

3

0

34

0

 

7

Hoskins

4

0

21

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

I. Howarth

b Barty

25

(49)

3

-

4-66

2

D. Emerson

c Terry b Das

0

(8)

-

-

1-5

3

M. K. Reeves

b Taylor

5

(23)

1

-

2-21

4

D. M. Edwards

c Mills b Taylor

12

(27)

1

-

3-52

5

S. L. P. Dobner

b Lakhani

6

(16)

-

-

5-68

6

M. Bullock

b Barty

1

(7)

-

-

6-68

7

M. T. Westmoreland *

b Lakhani

17

(34)

2

-

7-101

8

J. C. W. Hotson +

b Gilleard

9

(29)

-

-

8-103

9

J. D. Hoskins

lbw b Lakhani

2

(3)

-

-

9-103

10

T. P. W. Smith

not out

0

(1)

-

-

-

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB3, W19, LB1, B3)

26

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 33.2 overs)

103

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Taylor

9

1

42

2

 

2

Das

6

1

9

1

 

3

Barty

8

2

15

2

 

4

Lakhani

8

0

31

3

 

5

Gilleard

2.2

1

2

1

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  J. C. W. Hotson

Champagne Moment:  J. C. W. Hotson’s fine stumping

Buffet Award:  T. P. W. Smith’s vegetable soup (with wholemeal bap and butter)

 

 

Opposition:  V061 / 01

Ground:  G049 / 01

Captain:  C011 / 41