Far from the MCC fines 29.08.10 v Oxenford CC (a) lost by 74 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E	Weird growth on leg	Due to ball on leg injury
	Ball avoidance x 2
	Cob	About ball avoidance
	Duck		50p
	Opening partnership less than 25		50p
	Drinking on the pitch		50p
	Farming out his batting position	“I can’t be arsed to open – who wants my spot?”
			£2.50
Jake	Ball avoidance
	Failing to bring team home	Batting
	Impersonating Frank Gallagher
	Impersonating a rock star
	Reckless driving	Arriving and parking at ground
	Ignorance of road safety
	Haircut avoidance
	Cob
			£2.00
Ian H	Trigger finger	Giving James lbw
	Gavelling fines too early x 2	Whilst deputising as Fines Chairman
	Umpire hogging	Relieving Dave after only 5 overs
	Hogging the game	Opening bowling and batting
	Sitting on pitch	Whilst umpiring
	Impersonating Jake	With camera
	Stumping avoidance	With camera
	Cob	Swearing
	Cob x 2	Trying to find parking at pub
	St. Edwards’ school tour	Missed entrance to ground
	Dissing team	“You’re all cunts!”
			£3.00
James H	Cob	At being dismissed lbw
	Cob	Returning to pavilion after lbw
	Cob	At thought of the lbw (at fines committee)
	Denial	“I’m never out lbw”
	Sulking	Regarding the lbw dismissal
	Moaning	About only bowling 4 overs
	Comedy fielding	Diving over the ball
	Self importance	“I never miss anything in the field”
	Excessive umpiring	20 over stint
	Pissing on sightscreen
	Driving a hairdresser’s car
	Mongoose multiplier		X2
			£5.50
Mike R	Sawdust abuse	Kicking it over the field
	Treasury boasting	“I’m always in credit”
	Drop		50p
	Hogging the sightscreen	Moving it on his own
	Impersonating pissed U-tube man	Footage of some drunk wobbling up a road looked like Mike
	Precipitating a collapse
	Failing to continue batting form	Has had a purple patch of late
	Bicycle avoidance
			£2.25
Matt	Duck avoidance
	Ball avoidance
	Being too short	Catch looped over his head at first slip
	Impersonating a keeper	At first slip
	Self importance
	TVR avoidance
	Excessive stats
			£1.75
Dan	Joe Puppy avoidance
	Parking at wrong ground
	Living in a canoe	His barge has no engine at present
	Cob	“It’s a fucking boat”
	Opening batsman avoidance
	Sending blank texts	To Martin
	Replacing himself with nightwatchman	Emerson opened batting when more accustomed to number 11
	Moaning	At state of the pitch
	Bail abuse	Smacking bails into pitch to mark his guard
			£2.25
Moo	Allowing 10 over bowling stints
	Poor communication	To team regarding 10 over stints
	Failing to bring team home	Batting
	Giving Emerson only 8 overs	Despite him bowling beautifully
	Losing toss		50p
	Giving JMO only 4 overs
	Setting fire to ashtray	At pub
	Poor communication	Regarding which pub team were supposed to be meeting at before and after the match
	Self importance	Bowling 8 overs
	Records obsession	Becoming the Mad’s greatest bowler
	Picking only 10 players
	Becoming unpopular	Only having 10 players
	Driving Morlers to prison	Being skipper whilst Morlers is nicked
			£3.50
Thorn	Internal cob	Whilst bowling crap
	Going AWOL	Whilst having a piss
	Smoking on the pitch		50p
	Cob x 2		50p
	Impersonating Rambo	Using machete outside his house
	Pampas grass obsession	Cutting them down
	Average protection
	Head hunting / bodyline	Whilst bowling crap
			£2.50
		TOTAL	£25.25

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber [anything] – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2