“Blenheim Inspector’s Report”

As a keen advocate of cricket, and a regular visitor to one of England’s more scenic and palatial palaces – that of Blenheim, imagine my joy when I was invited along this Sunday to combine both these passions. Centrally based Oxford outfit Far from the MCC, were to contest a timed match on the Duke’s lawn; a much lauded fixture in their calendar, and with the weather set to continue its fine recent run, the day promised to be a noteworthy one.

Some of the morons in the palace grounds.

I must admit to being initially confused, with the car parks within the palace grounds strangely absent of families jostling for space in their people carriers and four by fours. Same so for the manicured landscapes – usually dotted with picnic blankets, excited children, footballs and flowing kites… empty. On this particular day, the atmosphere seemed rather muted [to say the least]. In fact, the only activity I could distinguish were groups of adult men hauling golf bags around. The palace itself also appeared a lot smaller than I previously remember it too; there were no east or west wings, no expansive courtyards, and certainly no baroque architecture to enjoy. The whole building seemed to have been reduced to a simplistic club house containing a bar, a function room, and a small shop selling golf equipment.

Evidence of the vandalism – a flag driven into the Duke’s lawn.

It was also somewhat surprising to think the Duke of Marlborough was complicit in allowing groups of men to chop and swish their way about his estate using these golf clubs. Even more remarkable, some villain had obviously gained access to the grounds and dug several huge deep holes – filling them with sand! I can’t imagine the police aren’t investigating this, it really was disgraceful. Not only that, this vandal had seen fit to plunge flags into the turf, almost as if to claim the land as their own! Abhorrent behaviour in the extreme.

I decided it was all a little bit too much for me; all this desecration of one England’s more famed attractions. Thus I left.

I never did get to see a ball bowled.

‘Blenheim Inspector’