“Sandra Watches Everyone do Something
As her Boyfriend Stands her up

 

 

Match:  10 / 204

Won by 67 runs

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

196 - 7

M. Westmoreland  44,  S. Dobner  43

 

Wootton & Boars Hill CC

129

T. Smith  2 - 1,  S. Dobner  2 - 13

 

 

 

 

Women. Unfathomable, erratic, illogical, emotional and impossible to understand; at least those are just some of the views that many men attribute to the opposite sex. In return, women judge men as basic, retarded, insensitive and cave dwelling – or is that just me? Conversely, none of the cricket team have found a single fault in Ian Leggate’s newly acquired girlfriend – Sandra – with the considered opinion in most quarters seemingly very positive; that Sandra is “really friendly”, “chilled out”, “good company”, “laid back” and “extremely easy to get on with”. Some of the guys have even gone as far as stating she ain’t half bad in the looks department either; a view that this scribe would certainly not want to argue with. So why Sandra found herself watching a whole afternoon’s cricket on her own without the company of her boyfriend is anyone’s guess…. More amazing is that she stuck it out to the end – watching a group of unfit, injury ravaged alcoholics finally seeing off their Boars Hill counterparts. That’s dedication, man. That’s one cool girlfriend.

 

 

 

Sandra at least had some familiar company when The MAD batted.

 

 

Utilising a rare win of the toss, and backing research into a fixture where the team batting first always wins, Mr. Westmoreland urged his Mad team to bat with a modicum of intelligence, and finally set a decent total to defend. They started brightly, with I. Howarth (28) smiting several early boundaries before a decent delivery from A. Fisher (7-1-20-3) sent him packing to join D. Edwards (5) back in the hutch. M. Bullock fell 48 agonising runs short of his fifty, before N. Hebbes and S. Dobner steadied things with a fine 55 run partnership in relatively good time. Their good work was finally undone when Hebbes (21) was triggered by Howarth (umpiring) who adjudged his team mate to have sailed out of dry dock and floated in front of middle stump.

 

 

2010Jul4b

 

Matt considers killing the umpire after his dismissal.

 

 

It was perhaps a shame that Mr. Dobner (43) never made his half-century, as his positive innings deserved it, but as is so often the case, the looping pie of J. Rogers (5-0-27-2) caused Steve to flip a switch and swipe across the line. B. Mander (9) added some useful runs, as did T. Smith (17*), who reminded all that this guy can bash when his mind is right; but the real acceleration of The MAD innings came from skipper Westmoreland (44), who was perhaps unfortunate to find a scurrying D. Mills flinging himself on the boundary to pouch a beauty. Comedy value was provided by J. Hoskins (2*) taking advantage of D. Shorten’s toiletry requirements, and elevating himself up the order at the expense of the latter. 196 for 7 off their 40 overs, and a darned fine effort, especially in lieu of recent abominations.

 

 

2010jul4c

 

S. Dobner (43) reaches for a Harmison-esque wide one.

 

 

Sandra applauded the gentlemen off the field, and accepted the offer of a few bites to eat. It was certainly welcome, as her absent boyfriend wasn’t there to take her to a restaurant or café to buy her any lunch. The cricket on offer wasn’t too bad, she thought, and with the sun poking its head out at various intervals, reclining back in one of the many Brasenose deckchairs was eminently put-up-able.

 

T. Smith: “Hi Sandra, Leggate not showed up yet?”

Sandra: “No. Not yet. I think he’s on the train.”

I. Howarth: “Which train?”

Sandra: “A train.”

D. Emerson: “Pathetic. I’d never leave my missus out to dry like this. What a cock.”

Sandra: “Hmm. Nice catch, huh?”

 

 

2010Jul4d

 

 A great cake, but after the Lemming’s effort, it’s all downhill for Kim….

 

 

On resumption of the match, Wootton hopes of a famous run chase were dashed by the pace and control of the two Dave’s. Shorten (6-1-18-1), visibly irked by his failure to get a bat, bowled with pace and gusto as he nearly decapitated I. Howarth behind the stumps. It was an excellent spell, and if not for his partner’s equally impressive stint, would surely have scooped an award. However, Mr. Emerson bowled his best spell of the season, despite a crate of cider swilling around his gut; prising out D. Mills (18) and J. Fisher (11) on the way to returning figures of 8-1-35-2. It was a deserved Man of the Match display, and only when he’d bowled himself out did he remember his side strain and pre-fielding cobbing.

 

 

2010jul4f

 

One in, one out – Smith passes B. Mander to the wicket.

 

 

Everyone chipped in to be fair. S. Dobner (6-1-13-2) bowled with his now customary miserliness, J. Hoskins (8-2-24-2) would have enjoyed more success but for the ineptitude of the keeper, and even D. Edwards (3-1-5-0) turned his arm over to amuse the spectators. Wootton’s plight was further effected by B. Mander (3-0-26-1), as the leggie skewered a few passing pigeons with his hand grenades; and all that was left was for the criminally under bowled T. Smith (1.1-0-1-2) to make an impression by castling A. Barton (9) and D. Parker (7) to leave the visitors some 67 runs short of their target. A good all-round team performance in conclusion.

 

Once again Sandra dutifully clapped as the players from both sides shook hands at the end of the match. With six hours having elapsed during the course of this game there was still no Mr. Leggate to be found. With a sigh, she said some goodbyes and left; perhaps on a whim that maybe Ian was in the Oxford city centre [somewhere] if his garbled voicemails were to be believed….

 

 

2010jul4e

 

The view of the action from where Sandra sat all afternoon.

 

 

Mr Leggate, if you’re reading this – you really are a plum but thank you nonetheless for at least providing the backbone for a match report of sorts.

 

 

‘Spam’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Wootton & Boars Hill CC

Played at Brasenose College, 4 July 2010

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Far from the MCC won by 67 runs

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

10 / 204

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

c Morton b Fisher

5

(25)

-

-

1-27

2

I. Howarth +

b Fisher

28

(27)

6

-

2-38

3

N. J. Hebbes

lbw b Godfrey

21

(45)

4

-

4-95

4

M. Bullock

c Abbott b Fisher

2

(5)

-

-

3-40

5

S. L. P. Dobner

b Rogers

43

(50)

6

-

5-112

6

B. J. Mander

b Rogers

9

(25)

1

-

6-140

7

M. T. Westmoreland *

c Mills b Parker

44

(32)

8

-

7-185

8

T. P. W. Smith

not out

17

(30)

2

-

-

9

J. D. Hoskins

not out

2

(2)

-

-

-

10

D. Shorten

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

D. Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(NB1, W12, LB2, B10)

25

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 7 wickets, 40 overs)

196

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Fisher

7

1

20

3

 

2

Parker

7

1

29

1

 

3

Godfrey

8

0

30

1

 

4

Dunbar

6

1

25

0

 

5

Rogers

5

0

27

2

 

6

Abbott

4

0

14

0

 

7

Werrell

2

0

32

0

 

8

Mills

1

0

6

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Wootton & Boars Hill CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. Mills

b Emerson

18

 

2

-

3-42

2

S. Horton +

b Shorten

2

 

-

-

1-7

3

J. Fisher

b Emerson

11

 

2

-

2-26

4

O. Abbott

b Dobner

13

 

2

-

5-71

5

J. Dunbar

c Edwards b Dobner

0

 

-

-

4-43

6

A. B. Fisher

b Hoskins

27

 

5

-

7-109

7

D. Godfrey

c Emerson b Mander

13

 

1

-

6-92

8

J. Rogers

c Edwards b Hoskins

3

 

-

-

8-112

9

A. Barton

b Smith

9

 

-

-

9-119

10

D. Parker

b Smith

7

 

-

-

10-129

11

J. Werrell

not out

10

 

2

-

-

 

Extras

(W6, LB6, B4)

16

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 35.1 overs)

129

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Shorten

6

1

18

1

 

2

Emerson

8

1

35

2

 

3

Dobner

6

1

13

2

 

4

Hoskins

8

2

24

2

 

5

Edwards

3

1

5

0

 

6

Mander

3

0

26

1

 

7

Smith

1.1

0

1

2

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. Emerson

Champagne Moment:  D. Emerson’s second wicket during his opening burst

Buffet Award:  B. J. Mander’s Mancunian humus and pitta bread (with olives)

 

 

Opposition:  V039 / 07

Ground:  G040 / 10

Captain:  C011 / 32

 

 

 

 

 

Match Fines