Far from the MCC fines 04.07.10 v Wootton & Boars Hill CC (h) won by 67 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
James H	Self promotion	Batting order (in place of Lego)
	Cob
	Blaming Nick	For own shortfalls
	Stealing Identity	Of Lego
	Inappropriate use of Mongoose	No boundaries or aggressive shots
	Average protection
	Driving a hairdresser’s car	Porsche
	Keeping quiet about poker win	He won $11,500 online!!!!
	Buying a round without a care	Flash cunt
	Continuing hat debate	Told to remove hat when bowling
	Self importance	“I always bowl my overs out”
	Having an old bunny	“I always get that old codger out”
	Looking silly	Whilst running (Benny Hill)
			£3.25
Dan	Hogging ball	On field
	Not bringing Joe Puppy	Obedient dog imposter
	Stabbing James	With fork (whilst eating lunch)
	Failing to kill James
			£1.00
Moo	Underbowling Matt
	Underbowling Thorn
	Underbowling himself
	Underbowling Nick
	Underbowling Ben
	Not bowling Lego out
	Not being assertive	“Who should I bowl?”
	Job avoidance	Still on the dole turning jobs down
	Public money for holidays	Using his dole for Venice
	Living life of Riley
	Promoting unemployment	“It’s great”
	Playing golf with Tories	Ian Duncan Smith
	Name dropping	Ian Duncan Smith
	50 avoidance	Scored 44
			£3.50
Thorn	Encouraging smoking	Dishing out roll ups
	Impersonating Lego	Same straw hat
	Drinking on the pitch		50p
	Smoking on the pitch		50p
	Comedy fielding
	Dissing Lego’s character
	Average protection
			£2.25
Matt	No contribution	Bat or ball or fielding
	No guidance offered	Ian as wicketkeeper
	Bowling avoidance	Game finished as he was about to bowl
	TVR avoidance
			£1.00
Dave S	Pub avoidance	Before game
	Comedy fielding x 2	Sliding about like a dick	50p
	Turning dots into 1’s	Poor fielding
	Urinating instead of batting	Lost place in batting order due to pissing
	Failure to bowl out
	Cob
	Threatening James	Losing his place in the batting order
	Impersonating a clown	Silly straw hat
	Mountain avoidance	Hasn’t done any training this week
	Living on Boars Hill	But not playing for opposition
	Incorrect attire	No Mad shirt (wore T-shirt instead)
	Wearing swimwear	Stupid beach shorts
	Stealing Thorn’s hat
	Cycling avoidance	Drove to match instead
	Fine entrapment
			£4.00
Nick	Wearing a non-contesting World Cup shirt	Of Peru
	Moaning	About lbw decision
	Stray dog avoidance
	Catch avoidance x 2		50p
	Causing an Oxford water shortage	Leaving taps on at Brasenose
	Lack of enthusiasm	Bowling
	Cob
			£2.00
Ben	Cob
	Traffic cone obsession	Can only bowl well at traffic cones
			£0.50
Ian H	Looking like a pikey	Dirty tie-dye T-shirt (with food on it)
	Feigning head injury
	Scared as keeper	Despite wearing helmet
	Catch avoidance x 5		£1.25
	Fine entrapment x 2		50p
	Missed stumping		50p
	Denial	Medical ignorance (Achilles injury)
	Trigger finger	Giving Nick lbw
	Impersonating James Pearson	Lbw decision
	Cob
			£4.00
Steve D	Catch avoidance
	Cob	On dismissal
	Cob	People disliking Kim’s cake (for teas)
	50 avoidance	Scored 43
			£1.00
Dave E	Giving up	After his bowling stint
	Feigning injury	Sore side
	Comedy fielding	Surprise, surprise….
	Trying to sober up	Never going to happen (denial)
	Smoking on the pitch		50p
	Drinking on the pitch	Surprise, surprise….	50p
	Cob	About Lego’s cob at him
	Cob	Unfair accusations at him
	Cob	About his previous cob (and fine)
	Dissing team	Calling them all cunts
			£3.00
		TOTAL	£25.50

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2