“Human Vuvuzela Invented

As MAD Social Calendar Lights Up”

The organisational skills of the new MAD Social Committee have now been fully tested with a full blown test run of a social event to the Rose Bowl to witness a One Day International between England and Australia. When questioned about the somewhat dubious members of the Social Event Edwards replied with aplomb "Basically we wanted a dry run of the communications mechanisms that surround a social event such as this. We <the elected social sub-committee of Emerson, Leggate and Edwards> decided to all attend the social event ourselves, to oversee and monitor the events progress and success, while inviting three Guinea-pigs in Hotson, Hoskins and Shorten."

The MAD entourage.

Administration of the groups varying methods of commuting, and accommodation for the night proved to be the first major hurdle in the weeks prior to the event. But eventually, logistics decided, the day came round for the big outing. All seemed to be going swimmingly well until catching the train from Oxford, whence one member failed to turn up at the allotted time. No prizes for guessing who that was... no, the new Teatime is Gonzo. There's a sentence you don't hear every day.

Meanwhile, Dan had been in touch with the man upstairs and arranged the warmest day of the year yet and eventually, all day trip members were assembled in the hotel bar for a pre-match pint just minutes from the ground.

Even the seating arrangement at the ground was considered so as to provide maximum annoyance to those surrounding us... a useful block of two threes rather than the traditional row of six meant that we could all converse as a team, enabling us to hatch plans to annoy and confound our neighbours. The cricket commenced following the arrival of our late member who was parachuted in at the last minute.

Leggate makes his overdue entrance to proceedings.

Much to the amazement of Emerson, Shorten proceeded to unpack a picnic lunch of wholesome proportions and began munching on homemade goodies such as bread and cheese. Emerson looked on in horror, while quaffing his nurtured pints.

The cricket continued with the Aussies notching up a challenging target for the English to attack. Just how much of a challenging target they could possibly muster was to be discussed at length after around 30 overs until finally it was decided to run a sweepstake on the runs that Australia might perhaps amass. This sweepstake was to be won by none other than Gonzo himself who was not only the closest to the target, but also managed to predict the score – 267 – spot on! He immediately administered a Mongoose Multiplier style amendment to the sweepstake rules, demanding an extra pound off all members.

Mr. Hoskins catches a dismissal on his £6K zoom lens.

The England innings was met with much jubilation, although this maybe something to do with the amount of plastic cups The MAD six were beginning to accrue, some might say it also had something to do with a MAD invention that may well yet rock the world of cricket spectatorship at Lord's. Emerson brought it upon himself to copy, sorry, invent the human vuvuzela, and much to the annoyance of all those surrounding us, manually droned out the appropriate noises every time Morgan (or any other batsman) hit a half decent shot. Which as it happened, was quite often.

In severe danger of a pounding from the bloke in front of us, Emerson continued to vuvulate and his commitment paid off finally when half the ground joined in. Yet further inventions from MAD ranks came when Leggate was complaining of a lack of bubbles in his beer. "Fear not!" cried Shorten who produced with a flourish his soon to be patented Beer Aerator (which looked suspiciously like a bicycle pump) to re-aeriate Gonzo's pint.

The Beer Aerator (right).

All became a bit fuzzy for most at this point (apart from me, who was the nominated driver for the contingent heading back towards Oxford) not least Jakester who was complaining of an inability to pick up sight of the ball. Useful though, that the bloke in front of us provided the answer to the conundrum, claiming that it might have something to do with the amount of alcohol consumed during the day. Hotson dismissed this vehemently claiming the Rosebowl lights were obviously not up to the job.

The cricket in the end, turned out to be truly amazing, with Morgan timing his ton with perfection, reaching it while hitting the winning runs with four overs to spare. Who could ask for more – an England victory on the hottest day of the year in an amazing setting with beer on tap.

The first social event of this committee can be considered a great success. Where are we going next?

‘Hoskers’