Far from the MCC fines 30.05.10 v Milton CC (a) lost by 10 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Ian H	Drop x 2		£1.00
	Ball avoidance x 2		50p
	Duck
	Cob x 2		50p
	Dark thoughts	About life in general
	Breaking James’ camera	Error 20
	Feigning injury
	Instigating a collapse
	Predicting defeat	“We always lose at this fucking place!”
			£3.50
Mike R	Duck avoidance
	Cob
	Ball avoidance
	Threatening duck record
	Failing to live up to Milton billing	Normally brilliant in the field
	Being 2^nd best Reeves
			£1.50
Dan	Drop x 2		£1.00
	Asleep in field	Hands in pockets as per usual
	Hound with duck
			£1.50
Andy D	Failing to see team home
	Going for glory	Instead of nurdling
	Having long off cordon
	Giving catching practice	To opposition
	Showboating in front of son
			£1.25
Steve D	Headbutting ball
	Listening to Nick	“Get your head down”
	Relying on sweep shot	Only shot in his repertoire
	Doomsaying	About the target to chase
	Cob about the other cobbing
	Comedy fielding
	Self importance
	Insolvency (claimed)
			£1.00
James P	Average protection
	Failing to see team home
	Still no average to protect
	Fielding with kneecap
	Dissing fielders	“Always dropping catches off my bowling!”
			£1.25
Dave E	Stumbling when running x 2
	Sledging team mates	“Pipe down”
	Smoking on pitch		50p
	Alcohol avoidance
	Forgery	Crap Sainsbury’s voucher
			£1.50
James H	Broken camera
	Broken cock	Hit in balls when batting
	Claiming slow bowler is Shoaib Ahktar
	Pulled up lame on boundary
	Drop x 2		£1.00
	Shouting ‘catch it James’ to self
	Bullshit dismissal	Claiming ball was 2 feet outside leg and getting bowled
	Porsche avoidance
	Cob re 2 foot ball (no one listen)
	Stuck record	Moaning continually about dismissal
	Cob re: stuck record accusation
	Mongoose multiplier		X2
			£7.00
Nick	Cob	LBW
	Drop		50p
	Protecting Spam from Dobner sledging
	Baring arse on pitch x 2		50p
			£1.50
Matt	Keeping without equipment	At first slip
	Keeping at first slip	Not being the wicket keeper
	Converting 2s into 1s	When running
	TVR avoidance
	Doughnut avoidance	No TVR to spin about in
	Confusing Dan with Historic Spreadsheet x 2	Record of who has batted where over the years	50p
	Not believing in appeal system	“It never fucking works and incurs more fines.”
			£2.00
Moo	Return of yips [sigh]	Bowling treble bouncing deliveries
	Losing toss
	Failing to steer team home
	Failing to shrug off demons	Milton & yips
	Dissing selves (with Dobner)
			£1.25
		TOTAL	£23.25

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2