“Spam on The Cob
As Leggate Serves up ‘Port’ly Feast”
Match: 10 / 218
Lost by 99 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Portchester CC |
237 - 9 |
|
D.
Emerson 3 - 31, C. Roberts
3 - 31 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
138 |
|
D.
Edwards 34, I. Howarth
33 |
|
|
On an evening when a kitchen fire in the post-match
drinks venue of choice, the Rusty Bicycle, took all present closer to the
ashes than they're ever likely to come, one abiding memory stuck firmly in
the old Cerebral Cortex; that 'run out'. Almost worthy of its own separate
report it saw the cob to end all cobs. The Farmer Giles of cobs if you will. It
was more Farce from the MCC as Ian Howarth and Dan Edwards met at the
strikers end to have a lengthy discussion about whether there was a single
available whilst the ball sauntered out to mid off – the only thing missing
was the Benny Hill theme music. After an elongated version of the Geneva
Conventions had taken place and it seemed no agreement was likely, Howarth's
temper, along with his willow, went AWOL. Batless and seemingly runless a
disconsolate Howarth, whose demise was no doubt flashing before his eyes, had
given up all hope of a reprieve. Then, in a gleeful twist of irony, the
reprise itself came flashing before his eyes in a cricket ball sized shape
that had been returned needlessly and flamboyantly from 10 yards away from
the stumps way past them to a sparsely populated square leg region.
Scampering back to the non-strikers end he’d vacated a few minutes previous
like a wounded Gazelle across the Serengeti, Howarth was no doubt aware of
the hysterical laughter emanating from the Hyena pack near the pavilion. A
moment of sheer cricketing ‘genius’ had been witnessed by all as Howarth
dipped at his crease a la Colin Jackson
to keep his wicket intact – and pulling his hamstring in the act.
Howarth whacks
to mid off shortly before that near
run out. Anyway – to the actual match, though I use the word
'match' here in its most guised of guises. Amidst what was to be a weekend of
gargantuan cricketing proportions for The Mad, and without beating around the
(burning) bush, it is fair to say a pasting of biblical proportions was had
at Jesus College at the hands of touring side Portchester CC. Such a pasting in fact it made our lords
treatment on the cross look like a pleasant day or two's sunbathing. The day
hadn't started too badly either for The Mad. When asked to bowl by the
opposition, after Westmoreland decided winning two tosses in two days was
'just not cricket', wickets rained down like fire and brimstone at Soddom and
Gomorrah. The damage was done as
Martin (left)
escorts the opposition from the pub. Hereafter, the plan was to allow the visitors to score a few more runs by offering the kind
of pie that even an anorexic couldn't refuse. Whoa – not that many runs! Despite Westmoreland's (6-0-47-0) best efforts to
restrict the late onslaught by bowling an unorthodox 'four bounce' line, he
and Timms (buffet – 3-0-26-0) allowed the total to escalate rapidly,
eventually reaching 237 off the 40 overs.
The late surge in runs (81* for the tenth wicket) was due in no small
part to a junior member of Portchester's eclectic touring side (allegedly
featuring an Albanian) smashing 40 off of a lot less balls than that. Things
could have perhaps been different had Tall Bob not been caught 'shouldering
arms' to a steepling catch – by different thinking, maybe 215 or something.
The damage had already been done, and not just to Roberts' trapezius.
Portchester
CC featuring an Albanian (front, second left). And so to Leggate's crowning glory. Having taken a fair
amount of flack for being dropped off by his mum and missing the change of
end with alarming frequency the teeth quickly stopped chattering and instead
began masticating away at the veritable cavalcade of delights on offer. The
WI stand at Glastonbury (other summer festivals are available) would have
been put to shame by the sheer variety of cakes on offer. A hat firmly tipped
in Leggate's direction. With bellies more than full and a daunting target on
the board the run chase began – the less said about it the better one might
say. The ‘chase’ got off to a solid start with decent contributions from
openers Howarth (33) and Edwards (34), but it seemed the calamitous near run
out a few overs in had surreptitiously set the tone for the innings. With
number 4 J. Pearson (1), number 5 T. Smith (2) back in the hutch before it
could be cleaned out, and Gary 'Noah' Timms (6) intent on scoring 2 by 2, Mad
soon found themselves 100-5 off 23 overs. J. Hotson (11) and M. Westmoreland
(11) struck a few boundaries to a smattering of applause from the pavilion
but by this point all hope had been cast aside, just next to Spam's bat. J.
Hoskins (2) and I. Leggate (1) compounded the misery. Despite D. Emerson’s
best efforts to get the run rate upped by hurling encouraging abuse at anyone
and everyone who went out to bat, The MAD were reduced to 138 all out from 32
overs – David himself contributed a massive 4 runs. There were few positives
to take from such an inadequate batting display, if any.
Edward Jordan
guests at number 11 for The MAD. Fittingly for a match at Jesus College the Champagne
Moment belonged to a Judas as the oppositions E. Jordan (9*), batting for the
struck down C. Roberts, skyrocketed a stratospheric six to bring a little
afternoon delight to the proceedings. When your team’s Champagne Moment goes
to a member of the opposing team you know you've had a bad day at the office.
Especially when the only other contender really was the ridiculous to the
impostor's sublime. Could The MAD resurrect themselves at Aston Tirrold on
the Sabbath...? ‘Noah’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Portchester CC Played at Jesus College,
4 September 2010 Portchester CC won the toss and elected to bat Portchester CC won
by 99 runs Far from the MCC debuts: Edward
Jordan (113) |
10 / 218 40 over match |
|
Team |
Portchester CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
P. Hungerford |
b Emerson |
0 |
|
- |
- |
1-1 |
|
2 |
D. Kennell |
c Edwards b Emerson |
15 |
|
1 |
- |
3-59 |
|
3 |
R. Locke |
c Hoskins b Roberts |
32 |
|
5 |
1 |
2-57 |
|
4 |
D. Kelly |
b Roberts |
7 |
|
- |
- |
5-75 |
|
5 |
B. Restall |
b Emerson |
0 |
|
- |
- |
4-59 |
|
6 |
J. Biggs |
run out (Westmoreland) |
10 |
|
1 |
- |
7-100 |
|
7 |
K. Wood |
lbw b Roberts |
4 |
|
1 |
- |
6-83 |
|
8 |
J. Jeal |
c Edwards b Leggate |
14 |
|
2 |
- |
8-123 |
|
9 |
B. Barnell |
not out |
71 |
|
7 |
2 |
- |
|
10 |
S. O’Neill + |
b Edwards |
2 |
|
- |
- |
9-156 |
|
11 |
J. Janssen |
not out |
40 |
|
3 |
3 |
- |
|
|
Extras |
(NB8, W14, LB8, B12) |
42 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 40 overs) |
237 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
6 |
0 |
31 |
3 |
|
|
2 |
Pearson |
4 |
0 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Roberts |
8 |
1 |
31 |
3 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
5 |
0 |
14 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Westmoreland |
6 |
0 |
47 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Leggate |
4 |
0 |
31 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Edwards |
4 |
0 |
15 |
1 |
|
|
8 |
Timms |
3 |
0 |
26 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note: C. D. Roberts was
injured when fielding and was replaced by E. Jordan |
||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. M. Edwards |
st O’Neill b Restall |
34 |
(65) |
5 |
- |
2-85 |
|
2 |
I. Howarth |
c Wood b Biggs |
33 |
(38) |
4 |
1 |
1-63 |
|
3 |
J. C. W. Hotson + |
b Locke |
11 |
(26) |
1 |
- |
5-100 |
|
4 |
J. W. Pearson |
b Locke |
1 |
(3) |
- |
- |
3-91 |
|
5 |
T. P. W. Smith |
c Hungerford b Restall |
2 |
(3) |
- |
- |
4-100 |
|
6 |
G. J. Timms |
st O’Neill b Kennell |
6 |
(12) |
- |
- |
6-113 |
|
7 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
c Hungerford b Kennell |
11 |
(19) |
2 |
- |
8-122 |
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Kelly |
2 |
(4) |
- |
- |
7-117 |
|
9 |
I. C. Leggate |
b Kennell |
1 |
(11) |
- |
- |
10-138 |
|
10 |
D. Emerson |
c b Kelly |
4 |
(4) |
1 |
- |
9-128 |
|
11 |
E. Jordan |
not out |
9 |
(4) |
- |
1 |
- |
|
|
Extras |
(NB3, W8, LB2, B6, Pen5) |
24 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 32 overs) |
138 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Janssen |
5 |
0 |
18 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Wood |
5 |
0 |
22 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
Biggs |
4 |
0 |
14 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Jeal |
4 |
0 |
8 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Restall |
4 |
0 |
23 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Locke |
4 |
1 |
15 |
2 |
|
|
7 |
Kelly |
3 |
0 |
16 |
2 |
|
|
8 |
Kennell |
3 |
0 |
9 |
3 |
|
|
MOTM: C. D. Roberts Champagne Moment: E. Jordan’s huge six
over deep cow Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ egg and bacon
muffins (with spicy HP sauce) |
Opposition:
V062 / 01 Ground: G019 / 07 Captain: C011 / 43 |