Far
from the MCC fines
04.09.10 v Portchester CC (a) lost by 99 runs
Recorded
Fines
25p unless otherwise stated.
|
Name |
Fine |
Reason |
Cost
|
|
Edward J |
Impersonating Eddie Jordan |
|
|
|
|
Failure to see team home |
|
|
|
|
Wearing chef’s trousers |
Resembling a clown |
|
|
|
Average protection |
|
|
|
|
Excessive celebration |
After hitting a six |
|
|
|
Impersonating Judas |
Playing for us |
|
|
|
Cavalier attitude |
“Bring it on” |
|
|
|
Doping fielders |
Supplying booze to them all day |
|
|
|
Distracting Ian on boundary |
Chatting |
|
|
|
|
|
£2.25 |
|
Dave E |
Being an alcoholic |
|
|
|
|
Large cob |
About being an alcoholic |
50p |
|
|
Cob |
As above |
|
|
|
Shouting abuse |
At Dan whilst he batted |
|
|
|
Cheering a bye |
To get Dan off strike |
|
|
|
Excessive padding up |
Put pads on way in advance |
|
|
|
Moaning |
About only bowling 6 overs |
|
|
|
Denial |
About moaning |
|
|
|
Being the batsman’s bitch |
4
. 4 . 6 |
|
|
|
Harbouring dark thoughts |
|
|
|
|
Cob
x 3 |
|
75p |
|
|
Sending Dan into depression |
Consistent abuse |
|
|
|
Swearing at Fines Committee |
|
|
|
|
|
|
£4.00 |
|
Thorn |
Comedy fielding |
On boundary |
|
|
|
Happy in failure |
At batting and bowling |
|
|
|
Drop |
|
50p |
|
|
Smoking on the pitch |
|
50p |
|
|
Drinking on the pitch |
|
50p |
|
|
Denial x 2 |
About everything |
50p |
|
|
Getting out to a crap bowler |
|
|
|
|
Pissing on sightscreen |
|
|
|
|
Harbouring dark thoughts |
|
|
|
|
Throwing cigarette |
At Fines Chairman |
50p |
|
|
Causing a pool of water |
With piss |
|
|
|
|
|
£4.00 |
|
Jake |
Impersonating Hannibal Lector |
With Mask |
|
|
|
Impersonating a rock star |
Long hair |
|
|
|
Stripping off |
In public |
|
|
|
Crap wicketkeeping |
|
|
|
|
No nipple tassels |
During strip |
|
|
|
No Speedos |
During strip |
|
|
|
Streaker avoidance |
During strip |
|
|
|
Failing to bring team home |
|
|
|
|
Haircut avoidance |
|
|
|
|
Thinking he’s trendy |
|
|
|
|
Smug |
|
|
|
|
Self
entrapment |
|
|
|
|
|
|
£3.00 |
|
Ian H |
Pulling hamstring |
During comical near run out |
|
|
|
Abandoning bat |
During comical near run out |
|
|
|
Drop |
|
50p |
|
|
Large cob |
During comical near run out |
50p |
|
|
Giving up x 2 |
During comical near run out |
50p |
|
|
Drinking on the pitch |
|
50p |
|
|
Poor attention |
When fielding |
|
|
|
Threatening Dan |
During comical near run out |
|
|
|
Poor umpiring |
Taking photos instead |
|
|
|
Comedy fielding |
On boundary |
|
|
|
Being stuck in the car park |
Before match (no code for gate) |
|
|
|
Large cob |
On dismissal |
50p |
|
|
|
|
£4.25 |
|
Timms |
Batting out of crease |
Stumped |
|
|
|
Claiming he was wandering |
|
|
|
|
Over exuberance |
In field |
|
|
|
Impersonating Pearson |
With youthful vigour |
|
|
|
Giving a shit |
|
|
|
|
Failure to get a grip |
During Fines Committee |
|
|
|
Failure to see team home |
|
|
|
|
Scoring only in 2’s |
|
|
|
|
|
|
£2.00 |
|
James H |
Cob |
|
|
|
|
Failure to pick spinner |
When batting |
|
|
|
Dissing team x 10 |
|
£2.50 |
|
|
Looking confused |
And dumb |
|
|
|
Self
importance |
|
|
|
|
Failure to bring team home |
|
|
|
|
Drinking on the pitch |
|
50p |
|
|
Microwave abuse |
“I’m not bringing a fucking microwave
to the ground!” |
|
|
|
Hairdresser’s car |
Porsche |
|
|
|
Leggate refusal |
To give a lift to a “slippy person” |
|
|
|
Aggressive |
With Ian Leggate |
|
|
|
Mongoose multiplier |
|
X2 |
|
|
|
|
£10.50 |
|
James P |
Arriving in kit |
|
|
|
|
Cob
x 2 |
|
50p |
|
|
Going to work in kit |
|
|
|
|
Opening bowler no wicket |
|
50p |
|
|
Arrogance |
“Who needs a wicket when you’re this
good?” |
|
|
|
Duck avoidance |
|
|
|
|
Failure to bring team home |
|
|
|
|
Being gay with Dave E |
His housemate |
|
|
|
Harbouring dark thoughts |
|
|
|
|
Showing contempt |
Arrogant sigh |
|
|
|
Smoke shield cob |
Plume of fag smoke hiding his cob |
|
|
|
Happy in failure |
|
|
|
|
Impersonating Daniel Vettori |
|
|
|
|
Being touched |
Looking a bit simple |
|
|
|
Not playing a shot |
When out |
|
|
|
Cowardice |
|
|
|
|
|
|
£4.50 |
|
Moo |
Impersonating a coke dealer |
|
|
|
|
Losing toss |
|
50p |
|
|
Drop |
|
50p |
|
|
Self
entrapment |
|
|
|
|
Not bowling opening bowlers out |
|
|
|
|
Yips
x 3 |
Whilst bowling |
75p |
|
|
Being a legend |
Having yips again |
|
|
|
Being shit |
Getting carted whilst persisting with
his bowling (for personal glory) |
|
|
|
Failure to bring team home |
|
|
|
|
Happy in failure |
|
|
|
|
Steering ship in wrong direction |
|
|
|
|
Impersonating a Captain |
|
|
|
|
Letting game go |
Allowing
oppo chance to get well over 200 |
|
|
|
|
|
£4.25 |
|
Ian L |
Duck avoidance |
|
|
|
|
Arriving with his mum |
She was
driving |
|
|
|
Getting Sandra to do the cooking |
Cricket
teas |
|
|
|
Not paying attention |
During
Fines Committee |
|
|
|
Impersonating a slip fielder |
When
clearly inept |
|
|
|
Ball avoidance |
|
|
|
|
Drop |
|
50p |
|
|
Impersonating a bowler x 2 |
Managed 6
ball over |
50p |
|
|
Missing change over x 4 |
Between
overs |
£1.00 |
|
|
|
|
£3.50 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
£35.00 |
*
Special
Rates
|
Indiscretion |
Cost |
|
Duck |
£0.50 |
|
Golden Duck |
£1.00 |
|
Diamond or Platinum Duck |
£2.00 |
|
Out Playing Reverse-sweep /
Switch-hit |
£1.00 |
|
Dropped Catch |
£0.50 |
|
Opening Bowler No Wicket |
£0.50 |
|
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance |
£0.50 |
|
Smoking on the Pitch |
£0.50 |
|
Drinking on the Pitch |
£0.50 |
|
Missed Stumping |
£0.50 |
|
Missed Run-Out |
£0.50 |
|
Fines' Folder Abuse |
£0.50 |
|
Impersonating Billy Liar |
£0.50 |
|
Having a Major Cob |
£0.50 |
|
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter
meltdown) |
£1.00 |
|
Uber [anything] – particularly
arrogant, smug or condescending |
£0.50 |
|
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning |
£0.50 |
|
Insulting the Fines Committee
Chairman |
£1.00 |
|
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum
limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause” |
£1.00 |
|
Swearing in Front of Kids |
£2.50 |
|
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain) |
£5.00 |
|
Dissent (to On-field Umpires) |
£5.00 |
|
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose) |
x2 |