“Edwards Secures Thrilling Non-Victory
After Bruising Weekend

 

 

Match:  10 / 219

Match Tied

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

179 - 4

I. Howarth  53,  D. Edwards  45

 

Astons CC

179

D. Edwards  4 - 12,  J. Pearson  3 - 27

 

 

 

 

After an exhausting and rather gruelling weekend of cricket, Dan Edwards prepared to bowl at the Astons’ number ten batsman, M. Moore. The scores were tied at 179 apiece and the final pair were at the crease. The tension was palpable. There were of course several skippers on the field, all waving their arms about frantically and directing the flow of traffic. “We need one out, and everybody else in!” shouted one. “Bollocks!” countered another, “we need three out cow, a slip, and everyone else in on the one.” “Put everyone out – this guy’s just a bloody slogger!” came another. The suggestions and arguments raged until Edwards could bear no more. He simply bowled. His worst ball of the day…

 

 

 

From soporific beginnings, the pavilion was jumping by the end of the match.

 

 

…it looped in the air with barely enough energy to reach the other end. It was the pie to beat all pies – lightly glazed with a nice fold on the perimeter of the pastry. Mr. Moore’s eyes popped out on stalks as a long strand of saliva dribbled from the corner of his mouth as he decided on which portion of the ground to twat it. Astoundingly, as his bat cleaved through the air – he failed to connect and missed the damned thing. Worse, for him anyway, he heard the clink of a bail. OUT!!!

 

Remarkable – after 3 days of an intensive cricketing marathon, the final match of the weekend had ended in a tie. As it transpired, Edwards’ wicket was the final act of The MAD’s 2010 season. A fitting finale to any season.

 

Somehow, it just felt… right.

 

 

 

Howarth and Edwards later return to the middle after a quick nap.

 

 

Earlier in the day a group of Mad had assembled in the beer garden of the Chequers pub just down the road, for the now traditional pre-match pint. The inclement weather didn’t exactly inspire the mood of the gathering and the skipper, Mr. Westmoreland, questioned the motives for assuming the game was on. “Stevie D’s driving all the way from Essex to come here – you should have checked the ground was okay?” “Fuck him,” stated Howarth “he needs the exercise.” The arrival of Mr. Bullock did little to alleviate the general atmosphere either; our chairman opting out of a beer due to excesses the day before.

 

Relocating to the cricket ground, it quickly became clear that the pitch was going to provide plenty of help to the bowlers. It’s brown, mud-like surface was interspersed with the odd copse of squashed grass and autumnal leaves. As with any important toss this year, Martin correctly called wrongly and The MAD were inserted into bat. “What do we do, skip?” enquired the troops. “We’ve never batted first in a timed game.” The skipper mused for a second before replying in a matter-of-fact way that “we bat for two and half hours. Simple. Can’t be any fucking easier than that, can it?”

 

 

 

J. Hoskins finally clarifies why he drives a hairdresser’s car.

 

 

Runs at the top of The MAD batting order had largely been at a premium this year. When one of the guys fired, the rest of them bolted down a rabbit hole looking for a batting manual. There had been signs of improvement recently, but seeing the ball swinging and seaming past the blades of D. Edwards and I. Howarth hardly caused ripples of confidence among the team. Nor did the trampoline bounce and occasional squally shower. It was nothing short of a miracle that The MAD’s opening combo survived for the first hour – their cause helped in no small measure by the home team’s refusal to catch anything.

 

As the minutes ticked by and the weather started to clear up, batting became easier as Aston shoulders drooped. The partnership continued, with Martin now left with the quandary of when to “get after it” – and what was actually a decent total to set. He judged about an hour to tea to start upping the tempo, and after a few swats for four, Howarth (53) was bowled doing just that. It was the end of fine opening partnership of 94 which in the end had spanned some 31 overs and also an impromptu pitch-side haircut for rock star, Jake Hotson.

 

 

 

M. Bullock (41*) thrashes another through the covers.

 

 

Edwards (45), N. Hebbes (10) and S. Dobner (4) would follow soon after, and the decision of how to play the remainder of the innings was becoming ever more complex. Usurping I. Leggate in the batting order, M. Westmoreland joined M. Bullock out in the middle – probably on the understanding he was in a better position to control things thereon in.  He needn’t have worried, because after many years in the batting wilderness, and after several threats of retirement, Matt Bullock treated his team mates to the cameo to beat all cameos. After taking a total of 20 balls to get off the mark, and causing J. Hotson to sweat on his Slowest Duck record, Matt unfurled a succession of tonks through the covers to race onto 41 not out – a career best. Finally, the destroyer of all bowling in the pre-season nets had transferred that ability to a live match day environment. Together with Martin (11*) the pair pushed The MAD total to 179-4 at tea off 51 overs (a club record).

 

 

2010sep5e

 

When it comes to eating BIG – Martin is the ideal role model.

 

 

As the team launched their assault on all things quiche and sandwich, Martin fielded questions on what exactly they were doing next. “Apparently,” he started “it’s the honourable thing ‘round these parts to declare at tea. We won’t be batting on – that’s it. We’re done. We’re declaring.” Had The MAD screwed the pace of their innings up? Was 179 a decent total? Was the track still sporting demons? Had they taken the piss by batting 51 overs? Nobody really knew the answers to these questions as they’d never batted first in a timed game before. I guess they’d find out soon enough….

 

On resumption of the match, the hosts were quickly reduced to not-that-many [scorebook omission] for 4, as both J. Pearson (6-2-27-3) and D. Emerson (10-2-45-1) carved through the Astons top order on a pitch still providing plenty of assistance. It certainly helped that The MAD slip cordon could catch (Nick, Jake and Matt take a bow) and to think they never even practiced on the cradle beforehand – arrogance personified.

 

 

 

Astons player L. Gray demonstrates how not to catch (and bust his finger).

 

 

If the visitors thought this match was now a foregone conclusion [do they ever?], they were then in for a very rude awakening. In the 45 minutes of the final hour before the last 20 overs [or something like that], young C. Bonwell and veteran tonkmeister, T. Dew, peppered the surrounding hedgerows at will. Of the cricketing bummings dished out, M. Westmoreland (4-0-43-0) suffered the most – particularly in lieu of the fact he’d used the rest of his lube during the Portchester onslaught the previous day. Finally, perhaps with the clock ticking to his bedtime, Bonwell (63) flashed at one too many, holing out to leave the Astons on 112-5.

 

Into the final 20 overs [or something like that], or final extra hour, or some portion of the match that nobody fully understood [at least from a Mad perspective] – S. Dobner (8-1-27-2) was working up a full head of steam [downhill]. Having despatched young Bonwell in his previous over, he rocked back Mr. Dew’s (40) timber to boot. Could The MAD finally see out victory? No. The Astons bat in depth these days – and before long, J. Shea and D. White were now hammering the ball about instead.

 

What to do? Oh, what to do?

 

 

 

Martin (batting) earlier gave spectators a glimpse of his levitating prowess.

 

 

In a final throw of the dice, Martin reasoned on giving Edwards (3.1-0-12-4) a twirl. Maybe that octopus-in-a-washing-machine action of his would cause consternation in the Aston minds? It did! Leggate caught a beauty in the covers to remove Shea (15), White (32) missed a blueberry bun and got triggered, and wily S. Smith (1) was bowled by a jam doughnut. It all left the final pairing of M. Moore and Judas T. Smith requiring a handful of runs for victory. This they managed until the scores were tied; and the rest as they say is history….

 

Opinion seemed divided in the pub afterwards concerning the merits and shortcomings of timed cricket. It still seemed a totally alien concept, but nobody could deny the success of the day as a cricketing memory.

 

Timed cricket? Mad declarations? Tied games? Whatever next….

 

Leaves now tumble from the trees as winter draws near, kit bags disappear under beds and the curtain comes down. For this season anyway. See you lads at nets in 2011….

 

 

‘KP’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Astons CC

Played at Aston Tirrold, 5 September 2010

 

Astons CC won the toss and elected to field

Match Tied

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  none

 

 

10 / 219

 

 

 

 

 

40 over match

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

D. M. Edwards

c Barlow b Shea

45

(115)

7

-

3-118

2

I. Howarth

b S. Smith

53

(86)

8

-

1-94

3

N. J. Hebbes

lbw b Shea

10

(10)

1

-

2-113

4

M. Bullock

not out

41

(59)

5

-

-

5

S. L. P. Dobner

lbw b Shea

4

(19)

-

-

4-138

6

M. T. Westmoreland *

not out

11

(14)

-

-

-

7

I. C. Leggate

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

J. D. Hoskins

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

D. Emerson

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

J. W. Pearson

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

J. C. W. Hotson +

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(W11, LB4)

15

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 51 overs)

179

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Gray

8

1

17

0

 

2

Bonwell

10

1

30

0

 

3

White

6

2

18

0

 

4

Dew

7

2

27

0

 

5

S. Smith

9

3

24

1

 

6

Shea

8

1

34

3

 

7

Moore

3

0

25

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  L. Gray was injured whilst fielding and replaced by T. P. W. Smith

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Astons CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

R. A. Smith *+

c Hotson b Pearson

2

 

 

 

2-10

2

D. Barlow

c and b Pearson

0

 

 

 

1-0

3

C. Bonwell

c Westmoreland b Dobner

63

 

 

 

 

4

J. Imbush

c Hebbes b Pearson

0

 

 

 

 

5

B. Hargreaves

c Bullock b Emerson

2

 

 

 

 

6

T. Dew

b Dobner

40

 

 

 

 

7

J. Shea

c Leggate b Edwards

15

 

 

 

 

8

D. White

lbw b Edwards

32

 

 

 

 

9

S. Smith

b Edwards

1

 

 

 

 

10

M. Moore

b Edwards

7

 

 

 

10-179

11

T. P. W. Smith

not out

1

 

 

 

-

 

Extras

(W3, B3)

6

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(all out, 35.1 overs)

179

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Emerson

10

2

45

1

 

2

Pearson

6

2

27

3

 

3

Westmoreland

4

0

43

0

 

4

Dobner

8

1

27

2

 

5

Hebbes

4

0

15

0

 

6

Edwards

3.1

0

12

4

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  D. M. Edwards

Champagne Moment:  J. C. W. Hotson’s fine diving catch behind

Buffet Award:  M. T. Westmoreland’s steak and ale pie (with mushroom sauce)

 

 

Opposition:  V046 / 06

Ground:  G035 / 04

Captain:  C011 / 44