“Audley Ducks do not Exist”
Match: 11
/ 244
Won
by 5 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
Audley Ducks |
157 |
|
M. Westmoreland 3 -
28, D. Emerson 2 - 24 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
158 - 5 |
|
D. Edwards 56, P. Mellor
41 |
|
|
The market town of Witney
is the largest town in West Oxfordshire and is situated where the A40 trunk
road crosses the River Windrush. It was first recorded back in AD 969, though
there is evidence of both Iron Age and Roman settlements in the area. It is
also home to the Far from the MCC’s
Athletes to the last – we present The MAD…. Fast forward to AD 2011
and a palpable air of excitement with visiting new opposition is dampened by
the suitably inclement, midsummer English weather. Any remaining optimism
quickly evaporates when the team decamp at the windswept and unremarkable
West Witney Sports Ground – a place likened to the much maligned Stratfield
Brake in Kiddlington [the home of The MAD in 2008]. Here, vast swathes of
green nothingness interspersed with the odd rabbit hole unfold as far as the
eye can see under ominous dark clouds, with chilling Siberian crosswinds cutting
through to your bones. There is a clubhouse however, and the clubhouse has a
bar. We thank you O’ Lord.
J. Newman in rare bowling footage. Winning the toss, and
perhaps remembering the heroics of the previous weekend, Skipper Westmoreland
had little hesitation in ordering the Ducks to bat – and was justified by the
regulatory dismissal of an opposition batsman via an outside edge. Not once,
but twice [TWICE] did this happen as D. Emerson and C. Roberts (5-0-27-1)
brought about the downfall of L. Champion (4) and R. Kerr (1) to smart takes
by glovesman and falconry expert S. Dobner. Naturally these pouches were
neatly bookended by two instances of butter-fingered clumsiness from J.
Hoskins and the skipper himself. However, time would stand still when Mr.
Reeves scampered under, and held onto, a towering catch in the deep off T.
Julian (25) to leave the Ducks 35-3 off 11 without a duck in sight. With temperatures
dropping to the lower end of the Kelvin scale and with the wind picking up
appreciably, it took the intro[duck]tion of wily piemeister J. Hoskins (7-1-27-2) to arrest the serene
flights of the Audleyites. A catch, an lbw
decision, and a run out – was there no end to the maverick genius of this
telecommunication wizard? A man who exudes such a blinding light of
positivity when all around are cloaked in the gloomy trappings of deadpan
sarcasm and resignation.
The amazing Mr. PMA! D. Singleton (34) and S.
Towell’s (24) pugnacious and irritating seventh
wicket partnership would eventually go up in a plume of feathers, as
Westmoreland’s (5.5-0-28-3) bag of suet allsorts and D. Emerson’s (7-0-24-2)
slower fat ball did for them. G. Timms (4-0-30-0) provided a generous helping
of seeds and nuts at the death, whilst J. Newman (6-0-19-1) brought an
airgun. The oppo shot out the sky for 157 and still not a duck in sight. The tea interval was a
curious affair as it comprised no tea. But there was a clubhouse however, and
the clubhouse had a bar. Some ten minutes into The
MAD reply, I. Howarth (0) and M. Reeves (1) found themselves in the car park
discussing the merits of bothering to turn up. They found no positive
conclusion to this discussion as they neatly packed their kit bags back into
the boots of their cars. Mr. Newman (3) would have been more than happy to
discuss this topic with them, but he opted instead o
mope about in front of the clubhouse as his hoody soaked up the now
persistent drizzle. What threatened to be a decent day out now threatened to
be an absolute shower.
Even rarer footage of P. Mellor running. Indeed the weather was now an absolute shower, but the
teams plugged on – the Audley Ducks happy to flap about in the outfield as
they sought another breakthrough. It didn’t come, or at least it had to wait,
for D. Edwards had found an able accomplice in the streamlined fitness guru,
P. Mellor. After fending off the initial bursts from P. Done (7-0-38-3) and
I. Wallis (4-0-27-0) the contrasting Mad batsmen began to enjoy themselves as
their partnership grew. Spectators were even treated to the rare sight of a
P. Mellor all-ran three. Twice. Just as well a further downpour interrupted
the action for fear of medical assistance on the pitch. It has been a
considerable length of time since D. Edwards last lifted his bat and saluted
the team – far too long in many
people’s eyes. But here, after calling his partner through for a lung-busting
three, he checked he wasn’t on 42 before acknowledging the plaudits. Well
done,
Edwards (batting) remembers how to score a fifty. Edwards and Mellor’s
(41) fine partnership finally unravelled just 5 runs shy of the century mark,
when T. Julian (4.4-0-24-1) hurried one through Paddy’s defences to leave The
MAD ship on a very respectable 116-4. Edwards may well have seen the visitors
home from here, but he decided to go for an Aboriginal walkabout and run
himself out for 56. A shame, as is always a Mad dismissal, but there was a
clubhouse however, and the clubhouse had a bar. An assured 5 wicket
victory was thus secured with veterans S. Dobner (18*) and Skipper
Westmoreland (11*) protecting their averages as they slapped the winning
runs. With a third consecutive Sunday victory, The MAD swagger was back –
chests puffed out and ready for Tour. So where exactly were these Audley Ducks? We certainly
didn’t see any on this day. In fact, the whole trip was virtually bereft of
any ducks at all – save for one – courtesy of Mr. Howarth. Hero one week,
zero (sic) the next. It’s a funny old game. Quack! ‘Golden Duck’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Audley Ducks Played at Witney, 7 August 2011 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to field Far from the MCC won by 5 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
11 / 244 35 over match |
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|
|
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|
Team |
Audley
Ducks |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
L. Champion |
c Dobner b Emerson |
4 |
|
- |
- |
1-14 |
|
2 |
T. Julian |
c Reeves b Hoskins |
23 |
|
5 |
- |
3-35 |
|
3 |
R. Kerr |
c Dobner b Roberts |
1 |
|
- |
- |
2-29 |
|
4 |
P. Done |
c Edwards b Westmoreland |
21 |
|
2 |
- |
4-83 |
|
5 |
C. Read * |
lbw b Hoskins |
25 |
|
1 |
1 |
5-85 |
|
6 |
P. Felix |
run out (Newman/Hoskins) |
2 |
|
- |
- |
6-85 |
|
7 |
D. Singleton |
b Emerson |
34 |
|
5 |
- |
7-145 |
|
8 |
S. Towell |
c Emerson b Newman |
24 |
|
2 |
- |
8-148 |
|
9 |
T. Allan |
c Hoskins b Westmoreland |
1 |
|
- |
- |
10-157 |
|
10 |
I. Wallis |
lbw b Westmoreland |
6 |
|
1 |
- |
9-155 |
|
11 |
Mac |
not out |
1 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W12, LB2) |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 34.5 overs) |
157 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
7 |
0 |
24 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Newman |
6 |
0 |
19 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Roberts |
5 |
0 |
27 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
7 |
1 |
27 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
Westmoreland |
5.5 |
0 |
28 |
3 |
|
|
6 |
Timms |
4 |
0 |
30 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
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|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Edwards |
run out |
56 |
(92) |
9 |
- |
5-137 |
|
2 |
I. Howarth |
b Done |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
1-12 |
|
3 |
M. K. Reeves |
lbw b Done |
1 |
(3) |
- |
- |
2-16 |
|
4 |
J. Newman-Robson |
c b Done |
3 |
(7) |
- |
- |
3-21 |
|
5 |
P. A. S. Mellor |
b Julian |
41 |
(55) |
6 |
- |
4-116 |
|
6 |
S. L. P. Dobner + |
not out |
18 |
(22) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
not out |
11 |
(14) |
2 |
- |
- |
|
8 |
D. Emerson |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
J. D. Hoskins |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
G. J. Timms |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB12, W7, LB3, B6) |
28 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 30.4 overs) |
158 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Wallis |
4 |
0 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Done |
7 |
0 |
38 |
3 |
|
|
3 |
Read |
6 |
4 |
8 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Champion |
7 |
1 |
35 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Julian |
4.4 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Singleton |
2 |
0 |
16 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: P. A. S. Mellor Champagne Moment: J. D. Hoskins’ running
catch in the deep Buffet
Award: G. J. Timms’ banana splits
(with chocolate sauce) |
Opposition:
V066 / 01 Ground: G051 / 01 Captain: C011 / 58 |