“Classroom Bully Given Blood Nose”

Match: 11 / 233

Lost by 1 wkt

Team	Total
FFTMCC	156 - 6
I. Howarth 33*, D. Edwards 31*
Bodleian	159 - 9
D. Edwards 4 - 19

Nice weather for ducks. So maybe ironic that The MAD’s team mascot, Duck, was absent from the game….

Credit to both teams for playing this match out until the end. On a typically inclement June evening, a game which started with the odd spot of rain under leaden skies, ended with J. Shaw (49*) guiding the Bodleian home to an unlikely one wicket victory in something only just short of a downpour. It mattered little that the Bods were overcome with the elation of victory; that their hollering and whooping from the impressive pavilion cascaded down onto the field with as much force as the weather. Good for them. For many years they’d soaked it up, much like a kid who is picked on at school; agreeing to face their nemesis in the playground at lunch hour, resigned in the knowledge that the outcome will always be the same. That all the other kids will laugh at them being insulted as they take yet another a kicking. But not today. Not on this god-awful English summer’s evening. This cocksure arrogant bully was getting a dose of his own medicine. SMACK! …as Mr. Shaw pulled the fourth delivery of the final over for four. “Have that! And wipe the blood from your nose you %^$&!”

Bodleian skipper, S. Ackland, has grown tired of Mad bullying over the years.

Sure thing. The Far from the MCC required handkerchiefs after the game, but unlike a bully, The MAD have always liked the Bodleian – so instead of pawing their noses, sulking back into the shadows, they wiped the rain from their faces and joined their friends in celebratory mood. This was a victory for cricket. Despite the elements, and despite the occasional wobble of conscience, 22 players, scorers, mates, girlfriends, pissheads and students enjoyed a super match. Sometimes results matter not, or at least this was one such instance. We can bully them next time anyway – bastards!

Jake, a lone scoreboard attendant in the rain.

Continuing a recent trend for Mad skippers, acting T20 Supremo J. Hotson won the toss and elected to bat. “Stick the runs on the board and let these Bods run about in the rain” was his thinking. “If this game gets called off, at least we’ve had a bat! Hahaha.” (demonic laughter with pint of beer to hand)

Right left combo, I. Howarth and L. Ainsworth set about the initial mauling, with Howarth (33*) in particular enjoying himself as rumours circulated about his crazy career average against this team – a bully indeed. On his retirement, I. Leggate (21) took up the baton, and he too provided lovely straight drives convincing all he’s maybe better concentrating on this part of the game. Ainsworth (30*) retired after a typically graceful and correct knock, allowing the equally correct Edwards (31*) to hit himself into form. Watching Dan slap the Bodleian around was akin to Howarth punching the lad when he was down.

The MAD innings did stutter on account of retirements, but the final totalling of 156 should surely have been enough? T. Smith (1) amused all with his now stylised antique bat, whilst the gregarious P. Mellor (13) used his feet to good use before coming a cropper with the Ali-shuffle. D. Emerson (0) joined J. Hoskins in the Golden Hall of Fame, whilst C. Roberts (0) didn’t fancy getting wet. Someone you would imagine would love the wet would be Noah, so surprising G. Timms didn’t last for long, however his score of 2 would seem somewhat appropriate. Also appropriate was finding The MAD’s new Corporate Structure being intact at the end – T20 Skipper J. Hotson on 9 not out, and regular Skipper M. Westmoreland on, er… 9 not out.

The squelchy action as viewed from the terraces.

“Nice one lads, time for a beer. You might as well get tucked right in, ‘cos this lot haven’t got a hope in shit of knocking these runs off – they’re fuckin’ hopeless!” [un-named Bully enjoying a sixteenth pint]

With conditions worsening, Timms (3-0-25-0) and Emerson (4-0-26-1) were given the wringing red sponge – the latter accounting for McKiernan (7) off a shortened run with a slow bouncer would you believe. It transpired to be one of the only punches the bully landed in the opening skirmishes, with J. Shaw navigating the hooks and jabs to retire with the score on 76-2. Ainsworth (2-0-27-1) didn’t suit an aggressor, and he certainly hasn’t the mindset for bullying. Roberts (3-0-13-1) maybe has, he’s tall and rangy and likes the right-cross, but only accounting for A. Milner (13) was perhaps a poor reward.

Four MAD bullies.

The most troubling aspect of this fight, was the fact the Bodleian run-rate, or worm to use modern terminology, was rather active. This little kid was dodging the arcing swings of the fist and throwing back with contempt. Unimpressed and perhaps sensing an upset, the now overripe squashy apple was given to Edwards (4-1-19-1), who began pushing the brat back and into a corner. How dare this little oik embarrass his team in front of packed Friday galleries at one of Oxford’s premier cricketing theatres? A shame then that Smith (2-0-16-0) and Howarth (1-0-4-0) didn’t exude his menace.

So it all came down to this: M. Westmoreland to bowl the final over with the Bodleian requiring 10 to win. Martin started well, missing a re-convened Shaw’s stumps by millimetres with his first delivery. His second delivery got smited to deep cow, where a rather surprised I. Howarth hurled the ball back as Shaw completed an improbable two. Poor, poor – even a semi-decent throw would have had the batsman struggling. The third delivery found the centre of the bat and sailed into the dripping foliage over deep square leg. SIX. It was greeted with a collective “fuck me” as The MAD suddenly realised their fate, and the rest as they say is history….

Three more MAD bullies.

You are taught at school that bullying is bad. It is the lowest of the low. That one day the table will be reversed. This evening gentlemen, the table was rotated, wrenched off the floor, and thrown back in our face.

Bodleian we salute you.

‘Gripper’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Bodleian Played at Mansfield Road (University Club), 24 June 2011 Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat Bodleian won by 1 wkt Far from the MCC debuts: none

11 / 233 20 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	I. Howarth	retired	33	(15)	6	1	-
2	L. G. Ainsworth	retired	30	(27)	2	1	-
3	I. C. Leggate	c Milner b Ackland	21	(16)	4	-	1-80
4	D. M. Edwards	retired	31	(22)	5	-	-
5	T. P. W. Smith	c Nealy b Milner	1	(6)	-	-	2-101
6	P. A. S. Mellor	b Shaw	13	(10)	2	-	3-122
7	M. T. Westmoreland	not out	9	(8)	-	-	-
8	D. Emerson	c and b Milner	0	(1)	-	-	4-140
9	C. D. Roberts	b Walker	0	(2)	-	-	5-140
10	G. J. Timms	st Nealy b Milner	2	(8)	-	-	6-143
11	J. C. W. Hotson +*	not out	9	(5)	1	-	-
	Extras	(W2, LB2, B3)	7
	TOTAL	(for 6 wickets, 20 overs)	156

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Walker	4	0	36	1
2	McKiernan	4	0	24	0
3	Ackland	4	0	40	1
4	Shaw	4	0	33	1
5	Milner	4	0	18	3
Note: I. Howarth retired with score on 44-0; Ainsworth on 94-1; D. Edwards on 139-3

Team	Bodleian
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	L. J. McKiernan	b Emerson	7	(6)	1	-	1-9
2	T. Walker	b Ainsworth	18	(17)	-	1	2-66
3	J. A. Shaw	not out	49	(27)	4	3	-
4	M. D. J. Neely +	b Edwards	11	(11)	1	-	3-93
5	A. F. Milner	c Emerson b Roberts	13	(12)	1	-	5-113
6	S. G. Ackland	c Mellor b Edwards	8	(9)	1	-	4-112
7	M. N. Webb	run out (Howarth)	4	(5)	-	-	6-118
8	E. Ball	b Edwards	8	(10)	1	-	7-132
9	A. Downey	c Hotson b Edwards	7	(6)	1	-	8-133
10	N. Walker	run out (Timms)	6	(7)	-	-	9-146
11	M. Khokhar	not out	4	(9)	-	-	-
	Extras	(NB2, W5, LB5, B12)	24
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 19.4 overs)	159

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Timms	3	0	25	0
2	Emerson	4	0	26	1
3	Ainsworth	2	0	27	1
4	Roberts	3	0	13	1
5	Edwards	4	1	19	4
6	Smith	2	0	16	0
7	Howarth	1	0	4	0
8	Westmoreland	0.4	0	12	0
Note: J. Shaw retired on 36* with the score on 76-2; and resumed with score on 146-9

MOTM: D. M. Edwards Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s direct run out Buffet Award: M. T. Westmoreland’s overpriced egg and onion quiche

Opposition: V023 / 14 Ground: G028 / 05 Captain: C012 / 07