“After being splattered by Lard last Sunday”

‘Judge Dredd’

Statto Scorecards

Match: 11 / 224

Lost by 8 wkts

Team	Total
FFTMCC	122 - 7
L. Ainsworth 64, M. Westmoreland 36

Wootton & Boars Hill CC	123 - 2
D. Shorten 2 - 32

After being splattered by Lard last Sunday, and involved in a wicketfest producing fewer than 200 runs between the sides the previous week, Mickey-Mouse outfit Far from the MCC were keen to prove they had strength and depth to their batting line-up, and post a decent total.

One of which they succeeded in. D. Shorten (0), R. Hadfield (1), C. Roberts (0) and T. Smith (6) helped bring about the customary score of not many runs for four wickets. Hadfield had stepped up at the very last minute – he had had to get changed whilst in traffic on the ring road, much to the amusement of the one motorist who was constantly alongside in the other lane – as Lord Lucan had telepathed that he wouldn’t be able to make it. Shorten, stepping in for TV celebrity Tommy Walsh who was away filming an episode of Who Does The Least?, complained that a blow to the head off a top edge had caused him to lose judgement whether to retire hurt, and had shattered his idea that being whacked across the head with a cricket bat before striding out to the crease would improve performance.

Stock footage of T. Smith’s (6) demise.

“Write the theme tune, sing the theme tune, score some bloody runs because nobody else does,” muttered M. Westmoreland (36) as he sought to lead by example. Fortunately at the other end was ringer L. Ainsworth who had previously proved his worth by not getting a duck on debut, and together they took the score well past the probably-not-quite-enough 72 towards the perfectly defendable 108. After the captain’s demise, R. Eagleton (3) helped provide valuable runs when he eventually set off for them, I. Leggate (0*) helped run out Ainsworth (64) without facing a ball himself, and P. Mellor (0*) failed to hoik the final ball into the alluring pavilion.

123 to win off 20 overs.

Standing in for internationally acclaimed weird-crime writer Antony Mann, C. Roberts’ impersonation with his opening spell of 4-1-8-0 was the most convincing. He’s also tall and has strawberry-blondish hair. In the modern tradition of opening with a spinner, G. Timms (4-0-23-0) at the other end delivered some excellent dot balls whenever his skipper reminded him to bowl well, and was also unlucky not to bag an early snaffle. Meanwhile, child prodigy “Shauny” [Morton] milked runs like so relatively recently his mother’s breasts.

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M. Westmoreland (36) found a welcome return to form with the bat.

On step master hod-carrier Shorten (4-0-32-2). “He’s no kid, he knows what he’s doing.” Boom. Boom. LBW? Not out. Boom. Stumps gone. It’s a cruel world. The next batsman didn’t last long either. At the other end, T. Smith (3-0-32-0) now believed he could be a fast bowler and was equally aggressive, hoping the 1-pace walk-up would be even more deceptive, though was luckless.

So it’s about 50 off 7 needed and the battle of the captains. M. Westmoreland (2.3-0-20-0) bowls reasonably tidily, but the failing light seems to affect the fielding side more, with J. Hotson behind the stumps struggling to spot the few balls passing the bat, and almost every shot being worth two as a single is taken before anyone’s figured out where the ball’s gone. D. Mills [W&B skipper] swipes a couple of sixes off somebody at the other end, I couldn’t tell who, it was getting dark; I’m not sure why they bothered to hunt around for the lost ball in this light.

On the scorebook it looks like a comfortable defeat with 3 overs to spare. But it could have gone either way, until the sun set about 3 overs earlier.

Due to current fiscal policy, there are no photos from the day, however we hope you will find the library footage to your satisfaction.

Westmoreland

Far from the MCC versus Wootton & Boars Hill CC

Played at Wootton & Boars Hill, 18 May 2011

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Wootton & Boars Hill CC won by 8 wkts

Far from the MCC debuts: none

11 / 224

20 over match


Team	Far from the MCC

#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	L. G. Ainsworth	run out	64	(67)	6	-	7-121
2	D. Shorten	b Churchouse	0	(3)	-	-	1-4
3	R. J. B. Hadfield	b Parker	1	(4)	-	-	2-5
4	C. D. Roberts	c Mills b Parker	0	(1)	-	-	3-5
5	T. P. W. Smith	c Ali b Churchouse	6	(11)	1	-	4-20
6	M. T. Westmoreland *	c Rogers b Mills	36	(31)	3	-	5-96
7	R. Eaglestone	run out	3	(3)	-	-	6-120
8	I. C. Leggate	not out	0	(0)	-	-	-
9	P. A. S. Mellor	not out	0	(1)	-	-	-
10	G. J. Timms
11	J. C. W. Hotson +
	Extras	(NB1, W4, LB1, B6)	12
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)	122

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Churchouse	4	0	15	2
2	Parker	4	1	14	2
3	Wiskin	4	0	19	0
4	Rogers	4	0	38	0
5	Mills	2	0	17	1
6	Morton	2	0	12	0


Team	Wootton & Boars Hill CC

#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	S. Morton	b Shorten	21		1	-	1-54
2	N. Ali	not out	45		5	-	-
3	J. Perkins	lbw b Shorten	4		1	-	2-58
4	D. Mills	not out	42		2	2	-
5	A. Fisher
6	T. Senior
7	J. Rogers
8	D. Parker
9	D. Churchouse
10	M. Wiskin
11
	Extras	(W3, LB1, B7)	11
	TOTAL	(for 2 wickets, 17.3 overs)	123

MOTM: L. G. Ainsworth

Champagne Moment: D. Shorten’s angry ball

Buffet Award: T. P. W. Smith’s wholegrain salad muffins with pepper mayonnaise

Opposition: V039 / 09

Ground: G017 / 07

Captain: C011 / 49