“Exploding Ball Theory
Proves to be Bollock(s)”
Match: 11
/ 225
Lost
by 5 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
194 - 7 |
|
D. Edwards 49, I. Howarth
43 |
|
|
|
|
|
Oxford University Press |
195 - 5 |
|
J. Hoskins 2 - 41 |
|
|
In a high-scoring and
eventually predictable encounter with old enemies the Oxford University
Press, The MAD lost out to the tune of 5 wickets as legendary wicket-keeper
batsman, C. Heron, held his nerve at the death to guide the hosts to an
improbable target in the final over. But it could have all been so very
different if the Far from the MCC hadn’t listened to a load of random
bollocks eschewed by Ian Leggate. More on that later…*
The heartening sight of D. Edwards (49) to
reinforce The MAD batting. On a rather fresh Sunday
afternoon, the OUP invited their guests to bat first, and in doing so, the
OUP would then bat second. For the first time this season, I. Howarth was
coupled with regular opening sidekick, D. Edwards, in an audacious attempt to
surpass the previous opening partnership this season of 4. Slotting in like
he’d never been away, Edwards’ glue-like dependency [no aerosol jokes here,
please] helped re-acquaint The MAD batting order with patience, application
and perseverance. Following his partner’s lead, Howarth’s (43) untimely end
came whilst chasing a wide one, thus ended a fruitful opening partnership of
81. Dan (49) would follow sometime later, an A. Ball pie splatting off his
driftwood to a nearby mid-wicket. So no fifties for either of them. Hotson (2) came and
went, but I. Leggate’s ascension up the order paid dividends as he carved out
a pugnacious and stubborn 17 (including a miracle one-handed flick to long
leg). The MAD’s run-rate had begun to stutter but was thankfully now given a
shot in the arm by skipper Westmoreland (32) – a trademark hoik into a
hedgerow at deep cow a highlight of his innings. J. Hoskins (5) would provide
a sprightly companion, whilst M. Rundle (2) was selfless in running himself
out – some would say brainless, but since his nickname is ‘Psycho’, his
dismissal was audibly labelled as “unlucky, mate.”
Hotson (2) under the watchful gaze of Mr. Heron
(keeping). The final rights to The
MAD innings were performed by a spectating, and average protecting J. Newman
(1*) and a cavalier D. Emerson (23*) – the latter’s tempestuous knock
occupying a mere 9 balls. However, as the statisticians were quick to point
out, Dave did waste a whole delivery, and perhaps more pertinently, probably
cost us the match. Tea was an elevated
affair atop the Jordan Hill pavilion, with D. Edwards forcing his daughters
into cheap child-labour whilst serving everyone their sandwiches and cakes.
The vegetarian selection was apparently “satisfying”, but since nobody gives
a fuck, we’ll leave it at that. Since records began,
matches against the OUP have nearly always boiled down to a very simple
equation: get the ‘Big Bird’ (C. Heron) out, you win – fail, and you lose.
Today, The MAD would fail. And subsequently lose.
‘Tall Bob’ chats to one of the Pirates of the
Caribbean. The OUP reply began
badly, with Emerson (8-0-21-1) nipping out Keltie (8) to a smart catch
behind. It was the type of dismissal often seen on television – a good length
ball doing a little off the seam, with a batsman good enough to feather one
through to the keeper; and conversely, it is dismissal rarely witnessed by The
MAD. Having earlier padded up
and looked eager for a bat, C. Roberts would then take them back off again
and not bat. He chose instead to gorge himself on some floury baps, which may
be accounted for his powdery fingers and lack of any direction whatsoever with
his bowling. Still, he flummoxed Judas T. Smith (11) with a succession of
wides and one which wasn’t – which is why it crashed into his stumps. Hoskins
stuck to the task of varying his flight (having Walsh lbw for 19), as did
Newman (8-1-24-1) who stuck to his task of bowling a good line and length
(having Halliday snaffled for 8) – unfortunately none of the fielders stuck
to anything; especially anything which resembled a ball. But why? Explanations were thin on the ground of course,
but someone did mention I. Leggate* mentioning that someone had maybe mentioned that the ball was an
odd shape (maybe) – a bit like a bomb.
Maybe that was why everyone was quick to throw it on the floor if it came in
their direction?
M. Rundle (red cap) was a revelation between the
wickets. In total The MAD dropped
nine catches. Nine extremely good reasons why they would ultimately never win
this match. They couldn’t have caught syphilis in a brothel to be honest. Despite Hoskins
(8-0-41-2) snaring Leece for 2, it seemed everyone chipped in with a drop –
some more glaring than others; some so painful you would have thought the
culprit was taking the piss. The OUP would eventually realise a sixth wicket
partnership of 90 to scramble home – Mr. Heron resolutely unbeaten on a
grandiose 93* and young Tomkins an unorthodox but nonetheless effective 40*.
In doing so, Edwards (7-0-47-0) and Howarth (4-0-33-0) were ripped a new
arsehole, and a dejected MAD sloped off the pitch blaming each other, a bomb,
tiredness and the wind. * - As of yet, the Kidlington fire-brigade are yet to
report any explosions in the surrounding area since Sunday evening.
“Is this today’s cricketing obituary?” ‘Buffet Wagon’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Oxford
University Press Played at Jordan Hill, 22 May 2011 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Oxford University Press won by 5 wkts Far from the MCC debuts: none |
11 / 225 40 over match |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
I. Howarth |
c Manley b Keltie |
43 |
(48) |
5 |
1 |
1-81 |
|
2 |
D. M. Edwards |
c b Ball |
49 |
(71) |
7 |
- |
2-102 |
|
3 |
I. C. Leggate |
c Halliday b Leece |
17 |
(54) |
- |
- |
4-132 |
|
4 |
J. C. W. Hotson + |
c Walsh b Tomkins |
2 |
(12) |
- |
- |
3-115 |
|
5 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
c b Halliday |
32 |
(32) |
4 |
1 |
6-169 |
|
6 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Halliday |
5 |
(10) |
- |
- |
5-168 |
|
7 |
M. S. Rundle |
run out |
2 |
(3) |
- |
- |
7-170 |
|
8 |
J. Newman-Robson |
not out |
1 |
(2) |
- |
- |
- |
|
9 |
D. Emerson |
not out |
23 |
(9) |
4 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W14, LB1, B4) |
20 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 40 overs) |
194 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Lees |
8 |
0 |
45 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Halliday |
8 |
0 |
49 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Ball |
8 |
0 |
49 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Tomkins |
8 |
2 |
17 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Keltie |
8 |
0 |
31 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Oxford University Press |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
C. A. Heron * |
not out |
93 |
|
|
|
- |
|
2 |
S. Keltie |
c Hotson b Emerson |
8 |
|
|
|
1-12 |
|
3 |
T. Smith |
b Roberts |
11 |
|
|
|
2-41 |
|
4 |
J. Walsh |
lbw b Hoskins |
19 |
|
|
|
3-85 |
|
5 |
A. Halliday |
c and b Newman |
8 |
|
|
|
4-97 |
|
6 |
S. Leece |
c Westmoreland b Hoskins |
2 |
|
|
|
5-105 |
|
7 |
N. Tomkins |
not out |
40 |
|
|
|
- |
|
8 |
M. Kohl |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
9 |
A. Ball |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
10 |
D. Manley |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(W9, LB1, B4) |
14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 39.5 overs) |
195 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
8 |
0 |
21 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
Roberts |
5 |
0 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Newman |
8 |
1 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
8 |
0 |
41 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
Edwards |
7 |
0 |
47 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Howarth |
4 |
0 |
33 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: D. M. Edwards Champagne Moment: I. C. Leggate’s
one-handed sweep-paddle-flick-thing Buffet
Award: I. Howarth’s steak and onion
pie (with northern gravy) |
Opposition:
V019 / 12 Ground: G013 / 11 Captain: C011 / 50 |