“Bright Eyes Shines
As Denton Suffers Volcanic Explosion”

 

 

Match:  11 / 226

Lost by 6 wkts

 

 

Team

 

Total

FFTMCC

154 - 5

I. Howarth  50*,  R. Smith  34

 

Garsington CC

156 - 4

G. Timms  2 - 21

 

 

 

 

How many members of the Far from the MCC does it take to count to eleven? Well, that depends on how many of the actual number have a basic grasp of arithmetic, or can count the number of bodies on a playing field. In earlier e-mail correspondence, skipper Westmoreland had stated that the team were two short for a Twenty20 trip to Garsington midweek. I. Leggate countered that the team were actually only one short, but A. Darley’s acute retort noted that “Lee” and “Ainsworth” were actually the same person – so in fact The MAD were two short. As the week progressed, this number would dip and rise due to various injuries, withdrawals, forgotten appointments with in-laws, salsa dancing and others with personal tragedy. In fact, none of the above mentioned characters would eventually play a part in the match….

 

 

 

A clutch of MAD survey the pretty surrounds of Denton Lane.

 

 

Tuesday the 24th of May was a beautiful evening, and from the Denton Lane ground in Garsington you were afforded stunning views over neighbouring Cuddesdon and, erm… Denton. It was very reminiscent of Stogumber in Minehead – atop a hill with sloping hills and farmers’ fields running off in all directions. In the absence of regular skipper, Westmoreland, J. Hotson climbed into the King’s robe, and as he stood admiring the view, he did a quick head count “we’ve got ten I think.” “Nah, we’ll have eleven” countered Emerson. “Gary’s now playing, where before he wasn’t.” “Nobody told me he wasn’t playing, so I already assumed he was” stated Jake. “That’ll still be eleven” added Howarth, as he counted Mad shirts. “When Gonzo, Lego and Thorn arrive – it makes eleven.” Jake looked blankly at Ian before dismissing the eleven once more “Gonzo ain’t playing – he’s fucking salsa dancing instead. We’ve definitely got ten”. “What if Moo bats with a runner and doesn’t field?” came a suggestion. “Moo ain’t here – he’s fucked his knee and we’ve still get ten”. After this fascinating and absorbing conversational passage, it was eventually concluded that Jake was right – The MAD did have ten and not eleven, even if for a few hours they did have eleven.

 

 

 

R. Smith (34) fends one off.

 

 

Winning the toss and batting first, debutant Ralph Smith became I. Howarth’s fifth opening partner in as many games. Starting cautiously, the pair started to unfurl some wonderful cuts and pulls as The MAD would get off to a flier. A rather ugly dose of conjunctivitis did little to hamper Howarth’s vision as he swatted boundary after boundary, and during these robust swats his team mates serenaded him with their own rendition of “Bright Eyes”. On completion of a well-deserved fifty with the score on 70-0, Ian’s surprising decision to retire was greeted with a chorus of boos. “How can the light that burned so brightly, suddenly burn so pale?” shouted Shorten. “Are you out?” asked another. “No,” responded Howarth “my pink eye is playing up, and besides I have an average to protect.”

 

 

 

Bright Eyes (50) with his clichéd cut shot.

 

 

A mini stutter to The MAD innings then inevitably ensued as both T. Smith (2) and R. Eaglestone (3) were done by the probing military medium of a wily R. Vircavs (4-0-18-3). He also had R. Smith caught (34) after the debutant refused to uphold the club tradition of Duck on Debut [shame on him]. With D. Emerson’s (13) enterprising cameo ended soon after via a comical cob-fulled stumping, The MAD were now floundering on 106-4.

 

It was about this time in the match that players and spectators alike began to notice a large dark plume of smoke arise in the distance over… Denton. Maybe it was a hijacked Airbus wiping out Farmer Giles’ winter stores of straw, or maybe Oxford’s first volcanic eruption? There never was an explanation; the popular consensus being another boring multi-vehicle pileup on the A34. Yawn. Original etc. Distracting nonetheless.

 

 

 

9/11 Oxford style.

 

 

Back to the cricket, and with less than 5 overs left, it looked like The MAD might squander their excellent start – however the appearance of two Mongooses allayed those fears. Putting aside recent failings with an aforementioned Goose, D. Shorten (30*) delivered a withering slogathon to remind everyone of his undoubted slogging ability – those builders shoulders launching three booming maximums (big slogs) – one of which landed in nearby… Denton. Proving an excellent foil for this Boars Hill Battering*, J. Hoskins (16) scampered like his life depended on it as the two took The MAD total to 154-5 off their twenty overs [James unfortunately ran out off the final ball].

 

 

 

Skipper Hotson watches his charges build a total.

 

 

154 is believed to be the highest T20 score The MAD have ever totalled in their short history, so optimism of victory was rife before they fielded. However, if Garsington were to have completed their allotted overs at the rate of knots they would be subsequently travelling at, then The MAD needed another 67 runs or so to remain competitive.

 

Fresh from another stint of putting his pads on, looking eager to bat, and then taking his pads back off again, C. Roberts’ (3-0-41-0) introduction to bowling at Denton Lane was to discover the many different species of plant and weed that existed in the surrounding hedgerows. D. Shorten (3-0-18-0) would point out some sticky-grass and stinging nettles, whilst J. Hoskins (3.5-0-49-1) seemed captivated by the corn field (and in particular the crop-sprayer that came under heavy aerial bombardment). During this cricketing rape, G. Timms (2-0-21-2) shrugged off his personal turmoil to have S. Mohammed (20) and E. Blok (2) etched under the banner of “Those Who Succumbed to Leg-Spin of no Known Origin” – quite an achievement considering he didn’t play, but did play; and quite rightly earned him the MOTM award. Lastly to have their backside turned a bright colour of rouge was D. Emerson (2-0-24-0). Dave found a new variety of daisy in the car park, and a rather delectable dandelion colony by the far stile with an economy of only 12 runs per over.

 

 

 

Searching for lost balls was a common sight during the evening.

 

 

It was pure T20 cricketing carnage, with a wonderful batting strip and fast outfield playing host to some brutal shot selection [C. Woodward’s 82* the highlight – many thanks for letting him continue past 50, Jake]. Garsington cantered home for the loss of 4 wickets with some 6.1 overs remaining.

 

So maybe Bright Eyes did get it all wrong with that noble yet premature retirement? For a light that burned so brightly at the start of The MAD innings, things suddenly went quite pale. And nobody seemed to know where he went, or what he did mean – oh, was it all a dream?

 

*  - Boars Hill Battering:  term derived from said individual living on Boars Hill and displaying scant regard for ball’s shape.

 

 

‘Art Garfunkel’

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

Statto Scorecards

 

 

 

Far from the MCC versus Garsington CC

Played at Garsington, 24 May 2011

 

Far from the MCC won the toss and elected to bat

Garsington CC won by 6 wkts

 

Far from the MCC debuts:  Ralph Anderson Smith (118)

 

 

11 / 226

 

 

 

 

 

20 over match

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Far from the MCC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

I. Howarth

retired hurt

50

(34)

8

1

-

2

R. A. Smith

c Woodward b Vircavs

34

(37)

5

-

3-98

3

T. P. W. Smith

c Allsworth b Vircavs

2

(5)

-

-

1-75

4

R. Eaglestone

b Vircavs

3

(5)

-

-

2-85

5

D. Emerson

st C. Wharton b S. Wharton

13

(10)

1

-

4-106

6

D. Shorten

not out

30

(14)

1

3

-

7

J. D. Hoskins

run out

16

(15)

1

-

5-154

8

C. D. Roberts

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

G. J. Timms

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

J. C. W. Hotson *+

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(W4, LB1, B1)

6

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 5 wickets, 20 overs)

154

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Mohammed

4

0

39

0

 

2

Richardson

4

0

26

0

 

3

Vircavs

4

0

18

3

 

4

S. Wharton

4

0

29

1

 

5

Mehmood

2

0

27

0

 

6

Woodward

2

0

15

0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Team

Garsington CC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Batsman

How Out

Total

Balls

4s

6s

FOW

1

N. Bound

run out (Hoskins/Roberts)

4

 

 

 

1-18

2

S. Mohammed

lbw b Timms

20

 

 

 

2-44

3

C. Woodward

not out

82

 

 

 

-

4

E. Blok

c Eaglestone b Timms

2

 

 

 

3-62

5

S. Richardson

b Hoskins

8

 

 

 

4-75

6

C. Wharton *+

not out

24

 

 

 

-

7

B. Gibson

 

 

 

 

 

 

8

A. Mehmood

 

 

 

 

 

 

9

R. Vircavs

 

 

 

 

 

 

10

S. Wharton

 

 

 

 

 

 

11

M. Allsworth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Extras

(W11, LB2, B3)

16

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

(for 4 wickets, 13.5 overs)

156

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

Bowler

Overs

Maidens

Runs

Wkts

 

1

Shorten

3

0

18

0

 

2

Roberts

3

0

41

0

 

3

Timms

2

0

21

2

 

4

Hoskins

3.5

0

49

1

 

5

Emerson

2

0

24

0

 

 

 

 

 

MOTM:  G. J. Timms

Champagne Moment:  D. Shorten’s massive six into a tree

Buffet Award:  C. D. Robert’s caramelised doughnuts (with extra icing)

 

 

Opposition:  V063 / 01

Ground:  G050 / 01

Captain:  C012 / 03