“FFTMCC 0 Portchester 2”
Match: 11
/ 251
Lost
by 5 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Portchester CC |
223 - 9 |
|
D. Emerson 3 - 28, J. Pearson
2 - 21 |
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|
FFTMCC |
218 |
|
J. Collins 94, D. Edwards
43 |
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|
Portchester CC had been shown
how Far from the MCC enjoy their cricket in their previous two encounters,
and duly took the lead by arriving at the Queen’s Head in Horspath an hour
before it opened. After it was
established that the game was due to start at 1pm rather than 1.30pm when it
nevertheless did, stumps and bails had been scrabbled for because apparently
the council don’t provide them here, and the toss had been won by the
Portchester skipper who sensibly elected to bat in the absence of any team
mates, the opening batsmen were called upon to down their pints and rum
chasers and get the fuck over here.
The Portchester skipper [left] searches for brain
cells after a night on the piss…. Taking advantage of the
tiny ground, J. Neal [12] slapped J. Pearson [3-0-21-2] back over his head
for a couple of sixes, one being palmed over the bar, before slicing one to
the one-handed Hoskins at cover who forgot he wasn’t holding a beer can in
his other hand as he was in the warm-up.
After D. Edwards had declined the slip position on the grounds that
“nothing ever comes to me at slip”, S. Dobner began what is probably the best
slip performance The MAD has ever known, taking a sharp catch to dismiss N.
Kelly [5] off D. Emerson at the other end. After some sledging, P.
Hungerford [2] did get off the mark but couldn’t repeat the match-winning
batting performance that only home turf seems to bring. His brother, L. Hungerford [85] did rather
better, ably assisted by J. Young [29], also superbly caught by Dobner at
slip, this time off C.
T. Smith gives out some coaching tips to The MAD Youf. J. Hoskins [8-0-26-0],
T. Smith [8-0-36-0] and D. Edwards [5-0-26-0] all bowled economically and
with aplomb but will never get recognition for such performances as they
didn’t take a wicket between them – just ask With tea approaching,
hors d'oeuvres were provided by J. Collins’ [2-0-15-0] pâté on toast and S.
Dobner’s [3-0-23-1] Tesco Value vol-au-vents, much to the appetite of D.
Kelly [20*]. The target of 224 would
be a record winning score for The MAD, and equal
their best losing score, though of course it wouldn’t be a losing score….
J. Collins (batting) made a welcome return to the
fold. For dessert, D. Pitcher [4-0-47-2]
opened up a full patisserie. J.
Collins immediately helped himself to several large slices of Black Forest
Gateau. However, the selection on
offer wasn’t to everyone’s liking. J.
Pearson [12] opted for the fruit cake and an almond tart, before failing to
keep a second slice of fruit cake down, whilst J. Hotson [3] chose only
mini-rolls until one mini-rolled. D.
Edwards asked for the roast lamb, only to be told: “This is a patisserie.” At the other end however, S. O’Neill’s
[6-1-19-0] cake shop had bare shelves. To Edwards’ delight, the
carvery was soon opened by D. O’Neill [8-1-37-1] and B. Restall
[3-0-24-0], though the former’s excess of gravy eventually got the better of
Edwards [43]. Incoming batsmen S.
Dobner [0] and I. Leggate [0] were to their disappointment greeted only by
the calorie-counting N. Kiely [4-0-12-2].
Hardly the Real Madrid subs bench…. It is worth pointing out
that a league match was taking place on the adjoining pitch, and reiterating
that the boundaries were small.
Collins had already endangered an umpire in the other game with one of
his sixes, and P. Hungerford now coming on to bowl found he had to reduce his
run up so as not to obstruct (or be obstructed by) any of the fielders in
that game. The MAD needed 82 off 16
overs with 5 wickets in hand. “Game
on,” was the general musing from the assembled Portchester crowd, whilst The
MAD crowd knew about their collapses and made no comment. With the Hungerford brothers working in
tandem, M. Westmoreland [10] kept Collins company for some time, then C.
Lack of footage means another photo of Collins –
this time on the pull…. It was then left to J.
Hoskins and D. Emerson to knock off the remaining 26 runs for victory without
either of them being out, still at about 5 per over. Pastry chef D. Kelly [2-0-24-0] had been
brought on at one end, and suddenly overs weren’t a problem. With The MAD
needing six for victory, P. Hungerford [6.1-0-28-3] returned, and the next
ball it was all over. Emerson [10] had
been cleaned up, leaving Hoskins [24*] stranded. A good, fun game and
another close one against our recently found friends. Off to the pub for Portchester’s Tour fines
at the standard rate of £5 per player whatever the list of misdemeanours: apparently
some ‘gay’ dancing the previous night, and the misspelling of ‘Porchester’ in the scorebook, amongst others too numerous
to recall. ‘Judge Dredd’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Portchester
CC Played at Horspath Road, 3 September
2011 Portchester CC won the toss and
elected to bat Portchester CC won by 5 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
11 / 251 40 over match |
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|
Team |
Portchester
CC |
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|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. Jeal |
c Hoskins b Pearson |
12 |
|
- |
2 |
1-14 |
|
2 |
N. Kiely |
c Dobner b Emerson |
5 |
|
1 |
- |
|
|
3 |
J. Young |
c Dobner b Roberts |
29 |
|
3 |
- |
4-78 |
|
4 |
P. Hungerford |
b Pearson |
2 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
5 |
L. Hungerford |
c and b Emerson |
85 |
|
10 |
- |
|
|
6 |
D. Kennell |
run out (Hoskins) |
31 |
|
2 |
- |
|
|
7 |
D. O’Neill |
run out (Pearson) |
6 |
|
- |
- |
7-212 |
|
8 |
D. Kelly |
not out |
20 |
|
3 |
- |
- |
|
9 |
B. Restall |
c Westmoreland b Dobner |
3 |
|
- |
- |
8-220 |
|
10 |
S. O’Neill |
b Emerson |
0 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
11 |
D. Pitcher |
not out |
1 |
|
- |
- |
- |
|
|
Extras |
(NB1, W18, LB8, B2) |
29 |
|
|
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TOTAL |
(for 9 wickets, 40 overs) |
223 |
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# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
7 |
2 |
28 |
3 |
|
|
2 |
Pearson |
3 |
0 |
21 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Hoskins |
8 |
0 |
26 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
37 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Smith |
8 |
0 |
36 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Edwards |
5 |
0 |
26 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Collins |
2 |
0 |
15 |
0 |
|
|
8 |
Dobner |
3 |
0 |
23 |
1 |
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Team |
Far from the MCC |
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|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
J. W. Pearson |
c Young b Pitcher |
12 |
(17) |
3 |
- |
1-36 |
|
2 |
J. Collins |
b L. Hungerford |
94 |
(93) |
15 |
2 |
8-190 |
|
3 |
J. C. W. Hotson + |
b Pitcher |
3 |
(12) |
- |
- |
2-53 |
|
4 |
D. M. Edwards |
b O’Neill |
43 |
(39) |
7 |
1 |
3-135 |
|
5 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
b Kiely |
0 |
(7) |
- |
- |
4-138 |
|
6 |
I. C. Leggate |
c P. Hungerford b Kiely |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
5-141 |
|
7 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
c S. O’Neill b P. Hungerford |
10 |
(18) |
1 |
- |
6-171 |
|
8 |
C. D. Roberts |
b P. Hungerford |
0 |
(2) |
- |
- |
7-171 |
|
9 |
J. D. Hoskins |
not out |
25 |
(29) |
4 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
T. P. W. Smith |
c P. Hungerford b L. Hungerford |
2 |
(4) |
- |
- |
9-198 |
|
11 |
D. Emerson |
b P. Hungerford |
10 |
(7) |
- |
1 |
10-218 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB3, W8, LB1, B7) |
19 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 38.1 overs) |
218 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Pitcher |
4 |
0 |
47 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
S. O’Neill |
6 |
1 |
19 |
0 |
|
|
3 |
D. O’Neill |
8 |
1 |
37 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Restall |
3 |
0 |
24 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Kiely |
4 |
0 |
12 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
P.
Hungerford |
6.1 |
0 |
28 |
3 |
|
|
7 |
L.
Hungerford |
5 |
0 |
19 |
2 |
|
|
8 |
Kelly |
2 |
0 |
24 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: J. Collins Champagne Moment: J. D. Hoskins’ direct
run out Buffet
Award: C. D. Roberts’ treacle sponge
pudding (with double cream) |
Opposition:
V062 / 03 Ground: G002 / 05 Captain: C011 / 60 |