“Apple Porn and Hamstrings”
Match: 12 / 272
Won by 5 runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
192 - 4 |
|
D.
Edwards 65*, I. Howarth
32, M. Westmoreland 30 |
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Appleton CC |
187 - 7 |
|
N.
Hebbes 2 - 24, M. Reeves
2 - 32 |
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Appleton... Appleton were a Canadian musical duo comprising Natalie Appleton and her
sister Nicole. The sisters were perhaps best known as members of the
girl group All Saints. (source Wikipedia) …which
shows that you should neither trust everything you read on the internet or
indeed make yourself available for cricket only when guaranteed to meet girls
of your own age. However, in the spirit of every A* candidate... Cricket... Cricket is a
bat-and-ball game played between two teams of 11 players on a field, at the
centre of which is a rectangular 22-yard long pitch. One team bats, trying to
score as many runs as possible while the other team bowls and fields, trying
to dismiss the batsmen and thus limit the runs scored by the batting team. A
run is scored by the striking batsman hitting the ball with his bat, running
to the opposite end of the pitch and touching the crease there without being
dismissed. The teams switch between batting and fielding at the end of an
innings.
The Apple Boys play cricket on a much
smaller scale. A-Ha...
I knew I was missing the fundamentals. Although there is no mention of the
non-striking batsman needing to leave the crease so at least this makes
sense. A-ha (sty This
is turning into Red Dwarf. Still the bibliography will be short. Far
from the MCC... FFTMCC opted to bat on winning the
toss, much preferring the conditions in the bar to the elements outside. What?
There was no bar and it was sunny.
Plagiarism isn’t what it used to be. Curse that internet. Back to free-hand… A bar
no, but a pub yes. Arriving with D. Emerson and C.O. Medydog – (new recruit
to The MAD ranks), just in time for Russell to finally decide that he would
share toss-wisdom been passed down through generations of Turner’s thus
guaranteeing that Moo would call correctly and save us all a flogging in 32
degrees. Toss won, we bat.
King of the Toss: Westmoreland (right). M.
Westmoreland and D. Edwards striding to the middle in the hot, hot, sun. How
bizarre, How bizarre thought Emerson recollecting the only pop act from NZ
that weren’t Crowded House. Excellent, line and length from Crowe and Uren
meant that after 8 overs The MAD were 9 without loss. One for the purists.
Light entertainment was however provided by I. Howarth and N. Hebbes in a net
desperately trying to recollect how to bat and bowl respectively. Howarth
tonking Hebbes down the ground, Hebbes returning to first castle Howarth with
a straight one then unleashing a fierce 48mph bouncer (off a ridge) which
nailed Howarth high on the wrist which thankfully protected his head. Edwards
was later to remark on this as a highlight of his innings at this stage.
Having faced 24 balls without scoring.
Edwards leans on his bat during a drinks
break. Westmoreland
finally found his touch and the ball and began to dispatch anything short a
very long way. Swashbuckling his way to an excellent 30 (off 56, acceleration
noted) out of the opening stand of 39 before getting a beauty from Uren.
Edwards was joined by Howarth suitably warmed up and ready for action.
Howarth having recently retired from 20/20 “as he needs time to play himself
in” then hit 32 (from 38) before receiving a small sledge and holing out.
Some nice shot selection (up to that point) and actual batting was nice to
see. Edwards remained resolute, unruffled and started to time it. R.
Turner started well but was then caught for 10. D. Emerson started well and
was then bowled for 3. Stopping briefly on the way back to the pavilion to
instruct the watching Mad youth team on why throwing gloves is not acceptable
in the modern game. Teeling (6-0-32-2) taking both scalps for Appleton.
Edwards (right) with ironic message on his
shirt. Edwards
had in the meantime begun not only to plan for All Day but also for a
competitive total too and was feasting on anything loose. A run a ball for
the remainder of his excellent 65 not out – six off the last ball. S.
Dobner played a valuable hand of 17 not out (from 24), including not only the
trademark paddle but some excellent drives as well taking The MAD to 192 for
4. An excellent, constructed, proper cricket innings – strange but true. A
mention too for P. Mellor who despite staring a TFC in the face, made up for
sitting, pads-on, watching Dobner/Edwards confirm their asterisk by feasting
on the excellent tea provided by the hosts. If the Appleton attack had gone
the way of the coffee/walnut cake – FFTMCC could well have been well past
200. As it was 192 was indeed a score to defend – well played chaps.
Edwards (65*) flays one through the covers. So the
batters had done their bit. It was now the chance of The MAD’s latest new
ball pairing N. Hebbes and M. Rundle. Hebbes opening up the hill from the
sewage works end found some early swing and some controversy. First, wided
outside off, then squaring opener D. Manning up. A noise, a boisterous Mad
appeal and the finger raised from Umpire Uren. “Never touched it gov,” said
Manning – “my mistake” replied Hebbes – “appeal retracted”. Batsmen
reinstated. The ethos of the team gold-plated. “Now about that wide, Mr.
Uren??” Rundle
nothing short of metronomic was near impossible to get away. Time and again
he hit the nagging length, in the corridor of uncertainty, tightening the
screws on Manning and his partner D. Gilkes. Not sure why he bowled only 7
overs? Gilkes
struggling with some surprising movement took a drive at Hebbes. Snick,
pouched by keeper Bullock – up went The MAD as one. Not out given. I didn’t
hear anything said Gilkes genuinely to a disbelieving cordon. No aspersions
cast – the game continued in good humour. Appleton unconvincing at 29-0
(just) off 10. Soon
after, Gilkes (18) attempting to advance the score was bowled by a Hebbes
straight one. Manning (7) was soon beaten again by one that swung, pitched on
middle and this time hit the top of off. Appleton 41-2 off 15. Rundle 7-2-16-0,
Hebbes 8-1-24-2 – The MAD making inroads with the new ball, could captain
Westmoreland have stumbled on something? Probably not, but The MAD youth do
sometimes leave their toys out.
The MAD Youth bowling corps – Rundle (left)
and Reevsie. Picking
up the mantle ex-batsmen, Reeves also started to move the ball. Left hand
swing and a good length. Hebbes failed miserably falling forward to pouch a
good chance in the covers. Realising it was up to him, Reeves bamboozled G.
Alder (9) – bowled all over the place. Howarth
took some blows from newcomer C. Sillence (20) before one looped up to P.
Mellor to snaffle a catch, avoiding his TFC and ridiculing his new nickname.
M. Bungay (6) had enjoyed The MAD bowling before but this time had no answer
to the ball of the day from Reeves. Pitching leg, hitting off – you could see
the “why me” all over his face. Appleton 77-5 and reeling. C.
Teeling and M. Gilkes – left hand and left hand began to rebuild. Reeves also
left hand continued to pose questions but ran out of overs 8-0-33-2. Edwards
removed Gilkes but Teeling had begun to hit the boundary. Joined by M.
Godwin, these two began to set about The MAD as many teams seem to, putting
on a quick 30 and sending some tension through The MAD ranks, not sure if it
was the tension or just burnout but S. Dobner pulled-up in the outfield and
was later fined for reenacting Platoon.
Some cricketers on a cricket field. D.
Emerson belated joined The MAD attack and after settling in removed Godwin
(20) with a beauty. Edwards continued to cast his multi-arm spells, taking
the pace off the ball and moving it sufficiently for new bat R. Uren (2) to
be stumped by keeper Bullock. Stumped does not do this dismissal justice,
Bullock, nonchalantly stumping one-handed – it can only be a matter of time
before he has adapted fully to keeping with one mitt and quaffing his favored
ale with the other. At times, Bullock is able to elevate himself to a true
sporting great – as anyone who witnessed his albatross on the par 5 at Great
Yarmouth pirate-golf can testify. The
game seemed up. Appleton requiring ten an over and only 2 tailenders left in
the hutch. Still an air of concern gripped the ground. T. Crowe walked out,
looked briefly as a number 10 should then began to dispatch Emerson
(7-0-24-1). Teeling continuing his resistance also stepped it up. Could The
MAD hold on? Some good overs followed some other overs. Howarth (5-0-31-1)
was brought back for Emerson for the penultimate over in a crowd-pleasing
gesture from captain Moo to keep the game interesting for Appleton. Duly
dispatched. Appleton required 14 from the last over. Edwards (5-0-41-2) kept
his nerve and Appleton finished 187-8. Just 6 short of a win and 5 short of a
tie. Teeling 58 no. Crowe 16 no.
The anchor… D Edwards. And also The Hog. Ultimately
cricket was the winner. Well, not exactly, ultimately THE MAD WON but it was
an excellent game of proper cricket played in a good spirit and most
enjoyable. No Natalie and Nicole but we were All Saints (I’ll get my coat). ‘Titanick’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Appleton CC Played at Appleton, 19 August 2012 Far from the MCC won the toss and
elected to bat Far from the MCC won by 5 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
12 / 272 40 over match |
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Team |
Far from
the MCC |
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|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. M. Edwards |
not out |
65 |
(111) |
5 |
2 |
- |
|
2 |
M. T. Westmoreland * |
b Uren |
30 |
(55) |
4 |
- |
1-39 |
|
3 |
I. Howarth |
c Uren b Bungay |
32 |
(39) |
7 |
- |
2-101 |
|
4 |
R. P. Turner |
c Alder b Teeling |
10 |
(13) |
- |
- |
3-125 |
|
5 |
D. Emerson |
b Teeling |
3 |
(3) |
- |
- |
4-129 |
|
6 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
not out |
17 |
(26) |
- |
- |
- |
|
7 |
P. A. S. Mellor |
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8 |
M. Bullock + |
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9 |
M. K. Reeves |
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10 |
N. J. Hebbes |
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11 |
M. S. Rundle |
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Extras |
(NB9, W15, LB10, B1) |
35 |
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TOTAL |
(for 5 wickets, 40 overs) |
192 |
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|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Crowe |
8 |
2 |
17 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Uren |
8 |
3 |
21 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
McKno |
4 |
0 |
20 |
0 |
|
|
4 |
Alder |
3 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
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|
5 |
Bungay |
5 |
0 |
16 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Teeling |
6 |
0 |
32 |
2 |
|
|
7 |
B. Gilkes |
4 |
0 |
38 |
0 |
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8 |
Manning |
2 |
0 |
13 |
0 |
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Team |
Appleton CC |
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# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. Gilkes + |
b Hebbes |
18 |
|
1 |
- |
1-29 |
|
2 |
D. Manning |
b Hebbes |
7 |
|
- |
- |
2-30 |
|
3 |
G. Alder |
b Reeves |
9 |
|
- |
- |
3-62 |
|
4 |
C. Sillence |
c Mellor b Howarth |
20 |
|
4 |
- |
5- |
|
5 |
M. Bungay * |
b Reeves |
6 |
|
- |
- |
4- |
|
6 |
C. Teeling |
not out |
58 |
|
7 |
- |
- |
|
7 |
B. Gilkes |
b Edwards |
7 |
|
1 |
- |
6-143 |
|
8 |
M. Godwin |
b Emerson |
20 |
|
- |
- |
7- |
|
9 |
R. Uren |
st Bullock b Edwards |
2 |
|
- |
- |
8- |
|
10 |
T. Crowe |
not out |
16 |
|
3 |
- |
- |
|
11 |
C. McKno |
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Extras |
(W7, LB9, B8) |
24 |
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TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 40 overs) |
187 |
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# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Hebbes |
8 |
1 |
24 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Rundle |
7 |
2 |
16 |
0 |
|
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3 |
Reeves |
8 |
0 |
33 |
2 |
|
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4 |
Howarth |
5 |
0 |
31 |
1 |
|
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5 |
Emerson |
7 |
0 |
24 |
1 |
|
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6 |
Edwards |
5 |
0 |
41 |
2 |
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MOTM: D. M. Edwards Champagne Moment: D. M. Edwards’ hoik for
six from outside off (last ball) Buffet Award: D. M. Edwards’ hog roast
(with savoury baked potatoes) |
Opposition:
V051 / 10 Ground: G042 / 06 Captain: C011 / 69 |