Far from the MCC fines 19.08.12 v Appleton CC (a) won by 5 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E	Freaky Puppy	A Black Jackrador….. Need I say more
	Kitty Rustling	You should never have brought the thing back from Yar
	Covering Giant Duck in Piss	Or at least the flea riddled filthy stinking cat did!
	Parkinson Cob * 3	An extra one for doing the cob in front of small children. But well done for not swearing from all except Mike.. ;)	£3.00
	Failure to hit the roof	During Parkinson
	Calculating cob	"I won't get it back off the roof!"
	Pre meditating Parkinson	See calculating
	Impersonating Bobby Charlton	It really is a lovely combover Dave!
	Allowing Dobner to fixate on him	Where's Spam when you need him?
			£5.00
Dan	Hogging the Game	MOTM, Buffet & Champagne
	Resentment	Of being fined for being a hog! Oink, oink
	Allowing Moo to do all the work	2 runs in the opening partnership!!
	Avg. Protection	Not sacrificing himself for the team
	Protecting the tail	Or at least playing like it!!
	Failure to Break record	Longest Duck…. 24 dots to start innings
	Stealing Opposition Hat	Horspath
	Puppy Avoidance	I still miss Jo Puppy
	Coveting small puppy	Dave E.'s
	Waiting until 39.5 overs before getting eye in	Finally he played a shot!
	Impersonating Boycott	Strike rate of 0.0032
			£2.75
Mark R	Opening Bowler no official wicket	Despite having a clear edge caught!
	Making Nick bowl uphill	Nick chose the end…
	Comedy Fielding	Looked like Dan in the field at times
	Offices Kit	I think this shoud be a pound!!
	Denial	of the demise of the offices
	Living in the past	as above
	Hysterical Cob	See denial
	TFC	Harsh but fair… me thinks
			£2.00
Reeves	Cycling Avoidance	Lazy git didn't cycle 60 miles in the baking heat prior to cricket!
	Being slack	lack of cycling
	Opening can of worms	bringing up tour
	Pirouette	After taking a wicket a quite magnificent triple salco with a twist
	Impersonating Torville or Dean	Not sure which
	Turning the Mad into Wonga.com
	Cricket Avoidance	Enjoying the shade of the gazebo whilst others stiffled in the heat
	Mistaking the ball for a tree	Ran into a tree whilst trying to stop boundary
	Impersonating Winnie the Pooh	Stuck in a fence
	Cricket ball denial
	Dishonesty	Didn't declare boundary
	Impersonating Dobner	Tree/ Ball incident
	Over Confidence	Relaxing on sidelines
	Nearly losing us the game
	Lack of Confidence
			£3.75
Russell	Invisible	Living on the boundary
	Self-Entrapment	Invisible
	Taking Pleasure in own incompetence	See next fine
	Losing Self in hat	having to remove hat to see
	Reenacting Platoon	Dying Swan
	Failing to live up to expectations
	Confusing Skipper	Tossing tactics
	Hiding info about tossing	Quite the strategy Russell uses when tossing. I was confused. I personally like to go with whatever feels comfortable!
	Supplying Ian with showering equipment	Urgh! Is this somehow related to the tossing?
	Not appealing	I thought the showering fine was harsh
	Lack of faith in fines committee to be fair	Ha… It would only have cost you 25p if you'd appealed!
			£2.75
Stevie D.	Dying Swan	Fielding
	Hypochondriac	Oh no… My Hamstring has broken again!
	Moaning Git	See above
	Fines avoidance	Left half way through! Something about getting home!!
	One dimensional cricketer	Broken?!?!
	Bullying Emerson	For combover
	Dobner Clause		-£0.50
			£1.00
Paddy	Moving Slower than Dobner	Despite Dobner being crippled
	Demoted	Started at no. 4 and gradually got lower as wickets fell
	Simmering	See demoted
	Arrogance	TOOK A CATCH!!! The world will probably end now as the fabric of the space time continuum (sp.!!) is torn apart
	Not dropping	Fielding out of character. I would also like to say that the ball came out of the sun, over my shoulder whilst I was sprinting to get there!
	Ball Magnet	Was being brutally picked out by the oppo in the final over! Bastards made me run!!
	TFC	Did Fuck all!
	Poor tea performance	Failed to clear the tea…
	Dissing Cakes	Didn't fancy those chocolate ones!
	Dissing Pate	They had vegetation on top!
			£2.50
Matt	Nonchalant Stumping	"Oh this is just too easy.. I'll only use one hand and whip off the bails!"
	Bullying Pensioner	Abusing Roger for not walking
	Hearing things	Edges that only everybody else heard!
	Living in his own World	I think this was related to arrogant scoring.. But Sunstroke was getting the better of me at this point!
	Exercising Mike	Only giving away byes when Mike at Fine Leg
			£1.25
Spam	Comedy Fielding
	Keeping it tight
	Distracting Dan	By getting hit in the face with a bouncer from Hebbes in the nets
	Leaving his Utterly shit form in the nets
	Responding to chirp
	Falling for the Dennis Lillee Sledge	My finest moment!! "Is that some shit on the end of your bat?" Spam looks at bottom of bat. "Other end"
	Constantly tinkering with the field	Despite not being captain!!
	Seeking Shade	Fielding only in the shade… Whilst the rest of us baked!
	Impersonating Dracula	"ARGH!! Not the SUN!!"
			£2.25
Nick	Drop		£0.50
	Heckling
	Allowing Batsmen back	One of the rare occasions where they were given but not actually out!
	Dissing Self
	Dissing person with Bus pass	The fucker should have out though!! ;)
	Smug
	Trying to distract fines
	Not being from Australia	Seriously…. Where is that accent from Nick?
	Kent Denial
			£2.50
Moo	Trying to Fist the oppo	It was a truly inspirational team speech though. Threatening to "Dry Fist" them may have been a little over the top
	Trying to avoid fines
	Trying to dominate fines	Insisting on the gavelling of others
	Listening to Russell	Tossing techniques
	refusing to listen to Spam
	Diminishing Russell	Not using these tossing tactics
	Tossing tactic avoidance	Being given the keys to the holy shrine and refusing to use them
	Cob * 2		£0.50
	Arrogance
	Appeal avoidance	Not appealling against Fines Chairmans decision
	Choking back tears	Harshly dealt with by committee
	Dropping Paddy from tall building	I'm sure he said I was opening in the pub! I ended up slowly moving back to number 8!!!
	Impersonating Jake	Pool system to freeze out Paddy from batting
	Ruining Hebbes	8 over spell uphill into the wind (thank god or we would all have stunk of shit!)
	Exposing Dobner
	Bowling Avoidance
	Dissing Self	By not bowling
	Realistic	Saying "we are trying to win…why would I bowl myself"
	Self-Entrapment	See Realistic
	Endangering Children	Not running away with Children when Dave was clearly about to explode!!
	Hysteria
	Harbouring	Towards Fines Chairman probably…
	Impersonating Pieterson	Texting oppo (or maybe Family… Who's to know?) during Fines committee
			£6.00
		TOTAL	£31.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2