“I Can Take the Despair, it’s the Hope I Can’t Stand”

Match: 12 / 274

Match Tied

Team	Total
FFTMCC	121 - 5
I. Howarth 45*, J. Pearson 22, D. Edwards 20
Oxenford CC	121 - 7
C. Roberts 4 - 26, D. Emerson 3 - 21

“It’s not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand.” Brian Stimpson (John Cleese) from the film Clockwise.

After a long old season of watching Oxfordshire gradually sink beneath rising flood waters and a game on the Friday night, it was a rather flagging FFTMCC team which arrived at Jesus College on Sunday. Added to this the traditional post tour slump and three opposing teams who looked decidedly up for it and The MAD weren’t rating their chances. This was The MAD’s first time at the Oxenford Quad Team Tournament featuring two Oxenford teams, rather confusingly the Club Team and a President’s XI. In to the mix also went East Oxford CC.

As usual, if punctuality was the name of the game rather than cricket, The MAD would be the clear winners. At the appointed 1 pm all eleven were present and correct and as usual the opposition currently consisted of two men, some kids and a dog. After the traditional pissing about, at approximately 1:30 pm it was deemed that Oxenford Club team would partake in a bit of 20/20 against The MAD.

So who is actually who?

Of course there was first the toss to be had. In recent weeks the skipper had adopted a system recommended by mystic Russell. This convoluted process involves asking the opposing skipper whether they intend to catch the coin or let it fall to the ground. Then inspecting the coin to see whether it’s currently face up or face down. Whether the system works more than 50% of the time is yet to be proved, but opposing skippers seem so phased by the process that they are likely to offer the decision to captain Moo however the coin lands. Thus, it was that The MAD chose to bat first on this occasion.

First up were Dobner (0) and Emerson (1), presumably instructed to get the innings off to a flyer, or at least get it over with as quickly as possible so we could proceed to tea and the 3rd / 4th playoff as soon as possible. They duly obliged, Dobner going to extraordinary lengths to reach for a wide one and spoon it to mid-off.

M. Bullock scribbles “0” against another MAD duck (Dobner).

Soon to the crease were Howarth (45 n.o.) and Edwards (20.) They were facing opening bowlers Rowley and Khan who seemed to be labouring under the impression that the purpose of cricket is to hurl a series of deliveries as far from the batsmen as possible. Rowley opted for the ‘wide’ approach, keeping second slip busy in the more traditional wicket keepers role whereas Khan went for the ‘high’ approach aiming either at or above the batsmen’s head. After a choice exchange between batsmen and bowlers involving car parks and red mists, the purpose of Sunday cricket seemed to be conveyed all round.

Westmoreland (0) came and went before Pearson (22) took his turn. James has had a difficult season, but today looked in good form with a series of flowing drives. Good timing James, you should just peak in time to spend seven months waiting and hoping for next season. Turner (4 n.o.) provided an all too brief cameo. With 29 extras, including 25 wides, The MAD had somehow scrambled to a decidedly respectable 121 for 5. Could we dare to hope (that we could defend it for perhaps 12 overs?)

Howarth (45*) finally scores some T20 runs (white dot with bat in front of manure stack).

Oxenford (club, not President’s XI) started out, appearing confident of knocking these off without incident. However, Emerson (4-0-21-3) had other ideas, ripping through the top order very well assisted with some smart work behind the stumps from Bullock (one catch) and mystic Russell who foresaw a skier and pouched it diving forward. At the other end trundler Reeves (4-0-17-0) was keeping Oxenford well within the required run a ball. Some of the team were starting to believe the match could be strung out to perhaps 15 overs. Lofty ambitions indeed.

Next up was Roberts (4-0-26-4) for whom throwing money at the problem of erratic length was appearing to pay dividends. After a bit of off season coaching, some of his finest bowling deservedly yielded his first ‘four-for’ for the Far. Edwards (4-0-11-0) bamboozled the batmen and his miserly 11 runs in 4 overs made The MAD believe we could take this game (at least in to the 18^th over.) It was only Howarth (4-0-39-0) who failed to emulate his heroics with the bat that let Oxenford back in to the game.

Dave wonders why Ian bowled so shit after his heroic efforts.

In was only when the game proceeded in to the 20^th over that The MAD finally realised the awful truth of their situation. Unbelievably, we could actually win this thing, was the upside. The downside being that then totally shagged we would have to play an East Oxford team who were currently smashing about 300 on the adjacent pitch. With one ball remaining Oxenford needed one to tie and two to win. However, The MAD had lost less wickets and therefore conceding only one should see us to a remarkable victory. With this in mind captain Moo pushed the field back and allowed the single which Oxenford proceeded to take. It was then handshakes all round and The MAD marching off triumphant.

If Mascot’s could talk: “What a load of bollocks!”

I don’t know how it happened, I really don’t. How did we get talked in to that stupid ‘super over?’ Despite the best efforts of Dan’s bowling, they scored eight and we didn’t. The fragile flame of hope had been extinguished by the inevitable bucket of cold water (and excrement). “Oh Laura, I’ll never speak at the headmasters’ conference in Norwich. I know that, but it doesn’t stop me trying.”

‘Reevsie’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Oxenford CC Played at Jesus College, 26 August 2012 Oxenford CC won the toss and elected to field Match Tied (Oxenford CC won in the ‘golden over’) Far from the MCC debuts: none

12 / 274 20 / 20

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	S. L. P. Dobner	c Malik b Khan	0	(4)	-	-	1-4
2	D. Emerson	b Rowley	1	(11)	-	-	2-6
3	I. Howarth	not out	45	(53)	5	1	-
4	D. M. Edwards	b Aziz	20	(25)	2	-	3-74
5	M. T. Westmoreland *	b Aziz	0	(3)	-	-	4-74
6	J. W. Pearson	b Akbar	22	(21)	3	-	5-115
7	R. P. Turner	not out	4	(4)	-	-	-
8	G. Carter
9	M. Bullock +
10	M. K. Reeves
11	C. D. Roberts
	Extras	(NB1, W25, B3)	29
	TOTAL	(for 5 wickets, 20 overs)	121

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Rowley	4	1	17	1
2	Khan	4	0	23	1
3	Taimoor	4	0	25	0
4	Junaid	4	0	25	2
5	Akbar	4	0	27	1

Team	Oxenford CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. Ewings	b Emerson	18		2	-	2-24
2	B. Akbar	c Turner b Emerson	4		-	-	1-24
3	S. Pathak	c Edwards b Roberts	27		2	-	4-107
4	T. Audley-Miller	c Bullock b Emerson	1		-	-	3-31
5	Junaid	b Roberts	50		4	1	5-110
6	Taimoor	b Roberts	9		2	-	6-119
7	Ragu	b Roberts	0		-	-	7-120
8	A. Cosgrove	not out	1		-	-	-
9	R. Rowley	not out	0		-	-	-
10	Khan
11
	Extras	(NB1, W2, LB5, B3)	11
	TOTAL	(for 7 wickets, 20 overs)	121

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Emerson	4	0	21	3
2	Reeves	4	0	17	0
3	Roberts	4	0	26	4
4	Edwards	4	0	11	0
5	Howarth	4	0	39	0

MOTM: C. D. Robert’s bowling heroics Champagne Moment: I. Howarth’s monster six into the trees Buffet Award: I. Howarth’s apple crumble (with Cornish clotted cream)

Opposition: V061 / 03 Ground: G019 / 13 Captain: C011 / 70