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Far from the MCC fines 27.05.12 v Horspath CC (a) lost by 27 runs

 

 

 

 

Recorded Fines

 

25p unless otherwise stated.

 

 

Name

 

Fine

Reason

Cost

Mike R

Failure to bring team home

 

 

 

Not catching 4 people out

He once caught 4 people out at this ground

 

 

Not hogging the game

He once hogged the game at this ground

 

 

Self-entrapment

 

 

 

Far too quiet

Not being himself

 

 

Harbouring

A cob

 

 

 

 

£1.50

Ian H

Walking on an lbw

Like what the fuck?!

 

 

Happy in failure

Not being himself

 

 

Failure to cob

Not being himself

 

 

Self-entrapment  x  2

 

£0.50

 

Impersonating David Hasselhoff

Strolling about the ground with his shirt off

 

 

Dissing the skipper  x  2

 

“I always get to bat at #3 in this pool system because Martin is shit these days (replaces Moo).”

£0.50

 

 

 

£2.00

Dan

Relying on shit for wickets

Long hops rewarded

 

 

Wearing a jumper

On a hot sunny day

 

 

Dying running

Physically unfit for purpose

 

 

Being unfit

 

 

 

Poor water retention

Dehydrating after only 3 overs of batting

 

 

Cob

At lack of water

 

 

Joe Puppy avoidance

 

 

 

Being unhygienic

Wearing jumper in summer

 

 

 

 

£2.00

Mark R

Average protection

 

 

 

Being a Jonah

No luck whatsoever

 

 

Heading ball when batting

 

 

 

Six avoidance

Required to win the match

 

 

Duck avoidance

 

 

 

 

 

£1.25

Dave S

Looking glum

 

 

 

Opening bowler no wicket

 

£0.50

 

Golden duck

 

£1.00

 

Giant Duck neglect

Tossing new mascot on the floor

 

 

Abusing Giant Duck

Slapping him

 

 

Harbouring

Dark thoughts

 

 

Failure to cycle

To ground

 

 

Boasting

Of greater fitness than his team mates

 

 

Audible sigh

 

 

 

 

 

£3.25

Dave E

Wearing a gay T-shirt

Royal wedding variety

 

 

Worrying royal tendencies

Potential terrorist

 

 

Complaining

Of feeling queasy

 

 

Duck

 

£0.50

 

Not sleeping in his car

He slept at this ground last year

 

 

Failure to have a mental breakdown

He burnt himself out at this ground last year

 

 

Drop

 

£0.50

 

Catch avoidance

 

 

 

Cob

Regarding above fine

 

 

Bullying bunnies

Bowling shit batsmen

 

 

 

 

£3.00

Jan W

No duck on debut

Going against Club protocol

 

 

Hypochondriac

Groin injury

 

 

Moaning

About the above injury

 

 

Sprinting when batting

Despite the above injury

 

 

Having Salad’s head

Bright red in colour

 

 

Lack of ambition

To bowl

 

 

Drop

 

£0.50

 

Self-entrapment  x  3

 

£0.75

 

Denial

 

 

 

Dissing the driver

Howarth’s taxi

 

 

Gavelling own fines

“That’s enough.”

 

 

Talking through fines

 

 

 

 

 

£3.75

Steve D

Moaning throughout

 

 

 

Relatively positive

Unnerving behaviour

 

 

Refusing to bat in the pool system

“I want a number.”

 

 

Bowling

 

After declaring he would never bowl for the Mad again

 

 

 

 

£1.00

Jake

Pub avoidance

 

 

 

Ground avoidance

Lost

 

 

Injury avoidance

He wore a ball in the face at this ground once

 

 

No hole in chin

 

For Dave E to stuck his cock inside (famous comment made after said injury)

 

 

Average protection

 

 

 

Failure to bring team home

 

 

 

Catch avoidance

Standing too far back

 

 

Failure to bully stumps

Never whipping the bails off when keeping

 

 

 

 

£2.00

Martin

Short umpiring stint

Just 2 overs

 

 

Team neglect

Whilst umpiring for 2 overs

 

 

Self-importance

“I’m a great umpire.”

 

 

Using a clicking bat

Strange noise when hitting ball

 

 

Cow corner avoidance

Six went over cover point

 

 

Excessive P.M.A

 

 

 

Delusional at end of game  x  2

Still being positive

£0.50

 

Dictator

“You’ll do what I say!”

 

 

Impersonating Russell Crowe

Beard growth

 

 

Impersonating the guy out of the “Joy of Sex” manual

Beard growth – 70s look

 

 

 

Thinking he is unemployed

 

Beard growth similar to when he was unemployed

 

 

Mini Moo avoidance  x  2

No sons in attendance

£0.50

 

Dissing Mike

 

“You’re batting up the order as you never score any fucking runs anymore.”

 

 

Self-entrapment

 

 

 

Talking through fines

 

 

 

Rolling his eyes

Harbouring a cob

 

 

Cob

 

 

 

Audible sigh

 

 

 

 

 

£5.00

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

£24.75

 

 

 

*

 

 

Special Rates

 

 

Indiscretion

 

Cost

Duck

£0.50

Golden Duck

£1.00

Diamond or Platinum Duck

£2.00

Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit

£1.00

Dropped Catch

£0.50

Opening Bowler No Wicket

£0.50

Opening Partnership Avoidance

£0.50

Smoking on the Pitch

£0.50

Drinking on the Pitch

£0.50

Missed Stumping

£0.50

Missed Run-Out

£0.50

Fines' Folder Abuse

£0.50

Impersonating Billy Liar

£0.50

Having a Major Cob

£0.50

Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)

£1.00

Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman

£0.50

Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit)

Known as the “Dobner Clause”

£1.00

Swearing in Front of Kids

£2.50

Bringing the Club into Disrepute

(Ruled on by the Captain)

£5.00

Dissent (to On-field Umpires)

£5.00

Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)

x2