“Pitch Inspector Reports”

Following recent biblical downfalls in the Oxford area of England, focus shifted to the quaint and idyllic Horspath Recreational Sports Ground which was the proposed venue for the Far from the MCC’s match against the Nomads of Swindon. Due to the lack of any cricket in recent weeks, the ground was given as much time as possible to be declared “match fit” despite the continued inclement weather. Herewith the rather whimsical Pitch Inspector Reports leading to the eventual cancellation of said game….

Lords – in all its resplendent glory.

*

Pitch Inspection – I

Dudes,

Horspath Shithole CC

Lower pitch

Outfield – not water logged but soft to very soft.

Square – no wicket cut, but very soft, no astro.

Other – red ripped thong on outfield.

Verdict – if bright sunshine until Sunday then maybe ok, any more rain, then call it off.

The Porchester Pitch – upper oval

Outfield – marked from football but a bit drier.

Wicket – no wicket cut, no astro. Very soft.

Other – dog shit and glass on square to mark it is a council pitch.

Verdict – if bright sunshine until Sunday maybe ok, if any more rain then call it off.

Next inspection 3.30 am on Thursday.

Hope this helps you make an informed decision.

‘Tim Robinson’

*

Pitch Inspection – II

Dudes,

No great change, just less thong....

I'll have another look late afternoon tomorrow, if there's no wicket cut by then, then there’s your answer.

‘Dude’

*

The council provide a professional groundsman at all their pitches in Oxford.

Pitch Inspection – III

Righty ho then….

If you thought Horspath is depressing normally, you should see it now. It looks like the outfield has been mowed more recently than the wicket, but it’s pretty greasy underfoot and really patchy. The wicket is ‘lush’ – I would class it as a decent fairway length of grass. I chucked the ball into it and it leaves a dent, bowled the ball on it and it skids low. Even if we got two days of baking sunshine and no rain, it would still be a bit shit, but there’s more rain forecasted and no sunshine to speak of. The team batting first would trash it for the second.

Sorry folks, but I’d say it’s probably best to cancel it now.

Cheers,

‘Wonky’