Far from the MCC fines 21.04.13 v Wootton & Boars Hill CC (a) lost by 62 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
J-Mo	Tardy for fines	Missing time at the bar by CHATTING (!?!?!) to non playing players!
	Drop	I don't remember this one	0.5
	Complaining about being first for fines	If you weren't drawing attention to yourself by being late, you might not be first!
			£1.00
Timms	Avg Protection	Last men standing
	Batting out…	Of character? Actually looking like a batsman!!
	Bullying Bob	David sent goliath to the non strikers end for the final ball of the match
	Impersonating a batsman	Some very nice shots in there GT3
	Solely aiming for record	Thought he could break the no.11 high score, unfortunately he was batting at 10!
	Forgetting batting position	Assumed he was no.11
			£1.50
Dave	Giving catching practice	Successive lobs to the boundary finally brought about his downfall
	Arrogance	That he was immune to fines
	Comedy Fielding	Great stop saving 2 runs… followed by one of the most idiotic things I have ever seen.. He picked up the ball and threw it over the rope… Dave: "the ball slipped".. Reality: "My cider addled brain slipped"
	Fielding yips	Should this be a standard order for Dave?
	Dissing Skipper	"Bring some shit bowling on, like….. You!?!?"
	Disappointment	That his advice was so callously abused at fines… Dave, is this your debut? Have you met us before?
	Self Importance	I'm the vice skipper… I agree you have lots of vice's Dave! ;)
	Insulting Fines chairman	I received a hand gesture that insinuated that I have been driving badly… {I'm deeply hurt, boohoohoo}
	Withering Stare	"Can we go back to only being fined for on field performance, I was man of the match after all!"
			£2.25
Russ	Opening batsmen under 25 runs	"We should bat sensibly for the 1st 10 overs…"
	Duck	QUACK…	£0.50
	Injury	I can't give details can I….
	Hypochondria	Yes I can… Russ at mid off, the hard hitting batsmen in his crease, Bowler bowls, batsman smashes a rocket straight to Russ' (hands? No. body? Warmer. Legs? Colder. Not his coin purse? Bingo). But he was up running around again like a spring chicken within several hours….
	Non use of hands	see drop
	Trying to teabag ball	Russ tried to… No I can't do it
	Confusion	Between hands and balls..
	Comedy Fielding	Once WE all recovered from the initial blow it was quite funny!
	Lack of height	Nope, I have no recollection of why you received this fine Russ
	Drop	Yes, just an all round great day for Russ	£0.50
	Impersonating Spam	I seem to recall this being about sacrificing team to attain your own goals! ;)
	Flattering to be decent at cricket	Typical 2nd season slump
			£3.50
Adam	"Duck on Debut" avoidance	Need I say more
	Being the MAD Infant	at 25 surely he should be categorised with the Mini Moo's
	Record Debut High score avoidance	Just 65 runs short! :(
	Concealing talent	"I'm sure there was a statement about having no eyes and 1 arm before the season and he's only in Gary and Dave's fantasy teams…. Could this be…. (see below)
	Trying to rig fantasy cricket	It is!!!
	Taking team for dummies	By concealing talent… But it backfired when he asked FC "Oh we're on 53-5, that's not too bad?" FC "No, that's 5-3.. We're fucked!" WELCOME to the MAD
	Smug	Glorifying in being surrounded by MAD
	Making Grandad a Grandad	Sorry Russ, but you are our senior member. Can't wait to see the fines when the Mini Moo's are good enough to play… {Next year?}
	Batting with Grandfather's bat	Well at least your bat saw some action Russ
			£2.25
Ian L	Trying to rig Fantasy cricket	Getting off a duck then blowing out calf so his fantasy team mates could pick up more points
	Hypochondriac	"I felt like I was shot"
	Average Protection	getting a run then retiring hurt
	Listening to Thorn	"Ooh, I have an ice pack for your leg" - Ian had ice burn 5 minutes later
	Freezer Burn	See above
	Forlorn	At being fined so heavily over injury
	Kit avoidance	Shoes and borrowed shirt
	Playing to potential	Reference Ian's inspirational pre game speech
	Impersonating rough looking film extra	It's Gonzo! ;)
	Living up to reputation
	Smug
	Glorying in Fines
			£3.00
Pearson	Turning up in Kit	Do you ever wear any other clothes?
	Smug	HAHA! You can't get me… We'll see
	Duck		£0.50
	Bullied by small child	Bowler
	trying to lose the cricket ball	Got hit into the churchyard across the road!
	Hypochondria	Shoulder issues
	Net Avoidance	See Whistler
	Arrogance	Jet set lifestyle and being everyone's boss
	Lying	Can't remember why
	Dirty kit	It's the same kit James wore to his last appearance 9 months ago!
	Gloating over Jet set lifestyle	Phileas Fog has nothing on me!
	Clock watching	Is my 90 seconds up yet?
	Umpiring partnership of death	We could have won but for Spam & James umpiring together…. and, the opposition, our team, the weather, the number of dogs by the side of the pitch, the ball, the number of spanners in a B&Q toolkit, Duckworth-Lewis, the upcoming double ashes series….
			£3.50
Moo	Batting yips	At least your bowling's back
	Duck		£0.50
	Bowling out of character	Effectively and economically
	Continuing collapse
	Impersonating crabs	That stupid sideways jig he does before he bowls….
	5-for avoidance	Bowling too late in the game to get 5 wickets and having to buy a jug of beer!
	Conceiving collapse	PMA
	Mini moo avoidance	They are sliding around the back garden where a nice stone wall could collapse on them at any moment. Surely watching The Mad is safer…
	Clock watching	Is my 90 seconds up yet?
	New kit avoidance	It's all in my garage
			£2.75
Paddy	Taking a catch	Failure to live up to immune nickname… Watching the ball seems to help when trying to catch it! Who would have thought.. It's good to learn something a 3 year old can do in your mid 30's. Right what's next? How do I tell the difference between right and left?
	Impersonating the other star of Cannonball run	Farah Fawcett?
	Continuing collapse	11-4 it had reached almost epic proportions at this stage!
	Bowling avoidance
	Extreme frown	Confused by the bowling avoidance fine	£0.50
	Excessive knee flexing	I might investigate this… I think they need replacing this morning…
	Uber Smug	My new batting stance looks very clever and stuff…	£0.50
	Comedy running	Surely a standing order whenever I move
	Ruining the sequence of ducks	Stretching back to the Horspath game
	Pretensions of professionalism	See excessive knee flexing
	Bat abuse	"Last time I'm using that piece of S***!"
			£3.25
Bob	Opening bowler no wicket	After that first over I was thinking it might be merciful to cull you! ;)
	Throwing down stumps from different ground	They were bloody miles away
	Comedy fielding	Go go gadget arms
	Impersonating Inspector Gadget	See comedy fielding
	Diamond Duck avoidance	Should of kept running we only needed 65 off the final ball!
	Not impersonating silky	With his spasticated octopus bowling action
			£1.50
Stevie D	Fines Avoidance* 10		£2.50
	Dobner Clause		-£1.50
			£1.00
		TOTAL	£25.50

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£0.50
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2