Far from the MCC fines 21.07.13 v Cholsey CC (h) won by 4 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E	Drop		£0.50
	Comedy attire	Sleeves and trousers turned up and sporting different coloured socks
	Impersonating a cleaner	During tea interval
	Excessive arranging drinks	Took an hour to prepare drinks (during the match)
	Hypochondria	Busted his fingers dropping a ball
	Impersonating a crocodile	Catching – or rather dropping the ball
	Anne Frank avoidance
	Nazi avoidance
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Hysteria
	Nervous tension	During fines
	Turning on plasterers	Whilst working for Thorn on building site
			£3.50
Moo	Failing to bring the team home
	Coin toss loss	Again	£0.50
	Hysteria
	Forlorn
	Gesturing
	Baffled	By the fines being levied against him
	Impersonating anyone with a beard	Timms, Pearson etc
	Making the Fines Chairman write too much….	Too slow him down
	Weight loss avoidance	Still at 12st 3lb
	Dissing the pub	The newly named White Horse (formerly the Folly Bridge) has some reggae party on which has attracted the delinquent elements
	Not controlling Wonky	Allowing him to wander off and spend hours making up orange juice for the drinks interval
			£3.00
Pearson	Failing to bring the team home
	Failing to turn up in his whites
	Instigating a collapse
	Having a pillowcase doubling as a swag bag
	A posh one at that (see above)	Snob
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Swearing		£0.50
	Hysteria
	Wallowing in Lions glory	Still wearing a Lions shirt
	Sporting confusion	We’re playing “cricket” James
	Hiding behind sunglasses
	Impersonating Jesus	Beard
	Impersonating Gary	Beard
			£3.75
Salad	Breakfast avoidance
	Hysteria x 4		£1.00
	Looking sultry
	Being trendy	Wearing his shades upside down and back to front
	Addling Wonky	Giving him excessive drugs / medication for his injury
	Lack of effort	No diving in the field
	Not paying attention
	Smug
	Swearing (at FC)		£0.50
	Cob
	Bewilderment
			£3.75
Mike R	Average protection	Again
	Bullying a child x 2	Catching him, then slagging him off	£0.50
	Whinging about people paying fines with coins
	Wittering	To himself
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Talking through fines
	Excessive rehydration
	Whinging about banks
	Audible sigh
	Uber-smug		£0.50
	Baffled
	Nervous tapping of table	During fines
	Nervous itching	During fines
	Forlorn	At the above fines
	Clock watching
	Boasting about his average
			£5.00
Ian H	Declaring “Thorn won’t get a bat”	…and batting like a prick to continue a collapse
	Denial
	Batting in character	Shit
	Impersonating Bruce Springsteen	Sleeves rolled up
	Born to run	See above
	Trend setter	See above
	Average protection	Maintaining a shit one
	Baffled	At dismissal
	Not paying attention
	Hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Swearing x 2		£1.00
	Trembling
	Distracted
	Self entrapment
	Spelling disasters	Trying to write too much too quickly
	Muttering under his breath	About the team in general
			£5.00
Thorn	Average protection
	Bullying a kid	He got the kid out for a golden (but correctly allowed him to return by ‘no balling’)
	Calling the ‘kid’ a cunt	At the fines	£1.00
	Disinterest
	Celebration avoidance	Not joining in with team mates
	Hysteria
	Trusting Wonky	On a fencing job
	Knackering kids hand	With his bowling
	Talking through fines
	Cob
			£3.25
Timms	Thief	Stealing a pound off the table
	Comedy attire	Awful Aston Villa shirt
	Hiding behind sunglasses
	Pensive
	Extreme rehydration x 2		£0.50
	Swearing		£0.50
	Dissing the skipper (to his face)		£1.00
	Hysteria
	Anger
	Glowering at Wonky
	Dissing Wonky
	Muttering under his breath
			£4.25
JMO	Disinterest
	Duck avoidance
	Incontinence	Continually leaving the field to piss
	Losing his pads	Apparently
	Sleeping	Pitch side
	Smoking on the pitch		£0.50
	Kitchen grill vandalism	Walking into the metal mesh protecting the kitchen
	Impersonating Jake	Complaining about a non-existent bloody injury (see above)
	Moaning x 2		£0.50
	Failure to bring team home
	Bullying a kid	Bowling him out
	Clueless
	Not learning	Walked into the kitchen fencing twice
	Slagging off Big George Foreman	Lean mean grilling machines
	Cake avoidance
	Muttering to himself
			£4.50
Steve D	Being a dick	About his job “not paying him” – so he still can claim the Dobner Clause
	Moaning
	Drop		£0.50
			£1.00
Russ	Comedy fielding
	Impersonating Homer Simpson	See above
	Forlorn
	Drop		£0.50
	Pensive
	Harbouring a cob
	Failure to bring team home
	Exposing the tail	On dismissal
	Impersonating Helen Keller	Being mute at fines
	Intense staring	At Fines Chairman
	Impersonating Paddington bear	See above for staring
			£3.00
		TOTAL	£40.00

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2