Far from the MCC fines 07.07.13 v Enstone CC (a) lost by 7 wkts

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Psycho	Being a girl’s bitch	He got spanked by Lisa Myatt for 8 runs in one over
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Buffet avoidance	Got pipped by JMO
	Dissing JMO
	Intimidating Spam	Staring at FC in a menacing way with narrowed eyes and obvious dislike
	Being a skinhead
	Judas	Caught Ian Leggate whilst fielding for the opposition
	Being in position finally	To do something….
	Talking through fines
	Fraternising with the opposition	Whilst guesting in the field
	Intimidating Gonzo	Staring at Gonzo in a menacing way with narrowed eyes and obvious dislike
	Disinterest	Demeanour
			£3.50
JMO	Ignorance	Towards Andy Murray
	Bigot	(see above)
	Duck		£0.50
	Puffing chest out
	Harbouring a cob
	Confused x 2		£0.50
	Uber-cob		£0.50
	Sulking	After dismissal (again)
	Denial
	Talking through fines
	Murmuring to himself
	Overly possessive
	Self-entrapment x 4
	Overly apologetic
	Dissing Russ	Taking a swipe at his captaincy
	Dissing Andy Murray	“He’s a stupid Scottish twat!”
	Dobner clause		-£4.75
			£1.00
Stevie D	Applauding Psycho’s introduction into the attack, and cursing him	“About fucking time too! It’s a disgrace he hasn’t bowled yet.” The first delivery is them summarily spanked for four
	Moaning	Throughout
	Moaning	At Gonzo in particular
	Moaning	About his 2.5 hour commute from Essex
	Late	For match
	Complaining vehemently	About his school working hours now he’s teaching
	Fraternising with the opposition	Sprinting 50 yards from behind the stumps to applaud Bussey’s 50 – LWTF???
	Fucking off	Before fines
			£2.00
Geoff	Smothering mouth	During fines
	Passive aggression	Crossing arms
	Comedy fielding	Throwing the ball sideways
	Drop		£0.50
	Confused
	Failure to be George	His alter-ego who actually scores some runs
	Whinging
	Hypochondria
	WK avoidance	Steve kept wicket
	Hogging the strike
	Hogging the overs available
	Failure to bring team home
	Playing shots	He is Geoff
	Batting out of character	He hit a four
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Gloating	At Enstone’s pavilion being wrecked some years ago by his stolen van being rammed into it
	Self-entrapment
			£5.00
Gonzo	Hogging the fielding
	Whinging	About all his fielding
	Batting out of character	On drive for four
	Hysteria
	Being poor
	Bowling avoidance
	Winding Salad up	With his ‘tired’ fielding
	Dithering	In the field
	Dehydration	In the field
	Sandra avoidance
	Smoking on the pitch		£0.50
	Canada avoidance	He’s STILL fucking here!
	Self-entrapment
	Colonialism
	Taking phone calls (during fines) x 4		£1.00
	Mumbling	Like an idiot
	Wrong phone	He picked up somebody else’s to start with
			£5.25
Dave E	Silence
	Ineffectual first change (bowling)
	Knackered	Complaining during his limited bowling
	Lack of aggression	His bowling was toothless
	Overt redness
	Harbouring a cob
	Staring	At imaginary women
	Dissing Anne Frank	His co-lodger
	Being a Nazi	See above
	Hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Forlorn
	Loving Andy Murray
	Confusion
	Non-colonialism
	Tea confusion	JMO’s cake left in a tub
			£4.00
Russ	Drinking before game	He was skippering
	Harbouring a cob
	Comedy fielding
	Confusion
	Minor dissent	Adjudged by the team after his show of dissent on dismissal	£1.00
	Parkinson cob	See above	£1.00
	Overly patriotic	“Murray’s a bloody Scot!”
	Far right tendencies	See above
	Coin toss success	Out of character
	Dissing JMO	Took him off after only 2 overs
	Fancy hippy sandals
	Three quarter jeans
	Forlorn
	Indecisive	On field
	Hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Muttering
	Looking blank
			£6.00
Spam	Duck avoidance
	Swearing x 3		£0.75
	Playing a dick shot	To get out
	Revelling in shite
	Chav impersonation	Shirt off
	Hogging the umpiring	Nearly 30 overs
	Impersonating Jake	[…?]
	Knowing the boxing result	Normally he records late night boxing and Salad then ruins it by telling him the result before he’s watched the recording
	Dispondent
	Self-entrapment
	Spelling errors x 2	As Deputising FC this is unacceptable	£0.50
	Cramping	During taking notes
	Hysteria
			£4.00
Timms	Ignoring game	Whilst fielding on the boundary
	Batting out of character	Scoring some runs
	Slogging like a ‘man’	He reached the boundary
	Hyper-SMUG		£1.00
	Confusion
	Hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Crying
	Harbouring a cob
	Faking injury	That stupid fucking arm bandage he wears
	Looking like a chav	Sleeves up
	Looking like a chav	Tattoos
	Looking like a chav	Beer paunch
	Taking through fines
	Threatening Gonzo	“Why don’t you fuck off?”
			£4.50
Salad	Taking through fines
	Disinterest
	Self-entrapment x 2		£0.50
	Swearing at Gonzo in the field	“Wake the fuck up!!!”	£1.00
	No 5-for
	Low self-esteem
	Average protection	He didn’t bat
	Smug
	Smirking	In an annoying fucking manner
	Sarcastic put down	Of Skipper Russ
	Confused
	Being sultry	To FC
	Wearing a back-to-front T-shirt
	Bowling like a trannie
			£4.50
		TOTAL	£40.75

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2