“Surely, We Can All Retire Now?”

Match: 13 / 291

Lost by 116 runs

Team	Total
Lemmings	236 - 8
S. Lawrence 3 - 36, J. Hoskins 3 - 40
FFTMCC	120 - 4
I. Howarth 55*, R. Turner 31

You can tell how the MAD has improved as a team over the last 15 years by the way their opponents respect and prepare for forthcoming Matches with them. Some teams prepare by plying us with alcohol to try and dampen our spirits in the field. Some teams prepare by extensive acts of superstitious nature to increase their own mojo. Some teams prepare using psychological propaganda ploys, posting twisted banter on their own websites to try and mentally disturb our ranks. In the case of the Lemmings, despite the fact that we have never beaten them, they are obviously aware that our standards have improved greatly over the last 15 years and are that scared of us that they had to enlist former Wisden Cricketer of the Year, former England Ladies Opening Bat, and holder of the record for the highest ODI individual total at Lord’s (156) to try and ensure another victory over us. But we got her out relatively cheaply. Surely we can all retire now?

So, Miss Taylor was a Lemming all this time….

History between the MAD and Claire Taylor MBE goes back a long way. She is well versed with our training regime having performed a Salsa warm up with Gonzo and instigating a Vodka drinking warm down by inviting a number of our party to a black tie evening event post match in Louth. But versed with our athleticism and cricketing prowess behind the stumps she was obviously not.

But it wasn’t all about Claire. Contrary to some ex members of the MAD, it’s not all about one person.

The MAD actually fielded three debutants in this match. Stuart Ackland whom we had enjoyed many a match playing against joined in the fray from the Bodleiaaeiaians – and what a joy it was to welcome Stuart who has always been a fantastic character to meet three or four times a year on the pitch. Rahman Alizha also bolstered our International ranks. Not being found by our International Director of cricket but by a roving talent spotter up the Cowley Road in a Kebab Shop. He is the first Afghani player for the MAD and we hope he makes many an appearance for us in the future. And lastly Steven Lawrence whom we have encountered in the oppo before against OUP. A serious cricketer who gives no quarter in the field for poor positioning.

We opened the bowling with two of these debutants in true MAD fashion – after all, why open the bowling with tried and trusted bowlers against England International Openers? Much more fun to roll that dice.

The Lemmings started in style – of course with their international Opener C. Taylor (22) and J. Greany (9) who proceeded to carve a solid foundation until what is still the moment of the match when Taylor nicked a fine edge to the waiting Keeper. Rather fitting that the joy of catching Taylor should go to the stalwart Chairman and longest surviving player on the field – none other than M. Bullock whose face having caught our said Lady of Lord’s will be a vision etched forever in my memory.

M. Bullock and R. Turner walk out to open The Mad reply.

With Taylor and Greany gone cheaply there was a certain amount of optimism in the camp and S. Lawrence (7-1-36-3) and R. Alizha (7-0-49-1) continued for five overs a piece. The Lemmings as we know however bat deep and P. Williams (Pies, 47), M. Barker (38) and S. Wood (38) kept the field busy all with good contributions. Bowling alternated with D. Emerson (7-0-29-0) carving much more consistent lines than the openers deserved at least two or three wickets. J. Hoskins (5-0-40-3) with the 200 wicket monkey off his back psychologically accounted for the dangerous Bunny Pie Man and a couple more to boot. S. Ackland (6-0-49-0) and I. Howarth (3-0-17-0) also bowled very well deep into the innings but with little reward.

The fielding was tight and the bowling wasn’t bad at all, but the Lemmings as mentioned have a solid approach and the likes of H. Lauriston (25) bolsted the scoreboard and even their tail enders R. Smith (13*) and C. Greenwood (20*) kept things ticking over. And if you keep things ticking over you reach a score of 236 in 35 overs quite comfortably.

Tea was taken – a marvellous Ploughman’s affair which is proving to be a hit in the summer months – great thanks to the Ploughman’s master Emerson.

Ploughman Master, Emerson (right).

236 was always going to be a challenging total and our run rate never really got anywhere close to that which was required to mount a serious attack on the total. But still a stalwart opening partnership of R. Turner (31) and M. Bullock (10) at least tried to make a bit of a stand for it. It wasn’t until I. Howarth took to the crease that the scoreboard started ticking over at somewhere near the required rate, a couple of fine shots quickly took the Spammer to a well-earned 55 not out. For a while it looked like a partnership was developing with cherished teammate T. Smith (13) before the latter was sent back to the hutch after popping one up to mid on. I. Leggate continued in binary for facing 10 balls for 1 (or is that two balls for one?) and D. Emerson came in with an impossible total to reach so instead concentrated on some exemplary average protection scoring 6 off 18 balls.

So we lost.

Miss Taylor (keeping) grimaces at Howarth’s village slog sweep.

But a fine game indeed – it is not every day that you witness the class of an International Batsman from first slip. And not every day you see one of your oldest cricketing friends with that sort of look on their face. Well done Matt, and well done MAD. Another memorable afternoon in the Oxford countryside.

‘Hoskers’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Lemmings CC Played at Brasenose, 16 June 2013 Lemmings won the toss and elected to bat Lemmings won by 116 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

13 / 291 35 over match

Team	Lemmings
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. Greany	b Lawrence	9		1	-	1-30
2	S. C. Taylor MBE +	c Bullock b Lawrence	22		4	-	2-37
3	P. Williams	c Lawrence b Hoskins	47		7	1	4-128
4	M. Barker	b Hoskins	38		7	-	3-119
5	S. Wood	b Alizha	38		6	-	6-193
6	S. Hollywood	b Hoskins	0		-	-	5-128
7	H. Lauriston	c Turner b Alizha	25		3	-	7-201
8	R. Smith	not out	13		2	-	-
9	J. Baker *	lbw b Lawrence	0		-	-	8-207
10	C. Greenwood	not out	20		3	1	-
11	G. French
	Extras	(NB1, W9, LB7, B7)	24
	TOTAL	(for 8 wickets, 35 overs)	236

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Alizha	7	0	49	2
2	Lawrence	7	1	36	3
3	Emerson	7	0	29	0
4	Ackland	6	0	49	0
5	Howarth	3	0	17	0
6	Hoskins	5	0	40	3

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	R. P. Turner *	b Smith	31	(65)	5	-	2-58
2	M. Bullock +	b Smith	10	(27)	1	-	1-29
3	I. Howarth	not out	55	(70)	7	-	-
4	T. P. W. Smith	c Wood b French	13	(14)	2	-	3-90
5	I. C. Leggate	b Greenwood	1	(10)	-	-	4-98
6	D. Emerson	not out	6	(18)	1	-	-
7	J. D. Hoskins
8	S. Lawrence
9	R. Alizha
10	S. G. Ackland
11	G. J. Timms
	Extras	(NB1, W1, B2)	4
	TOTAL	(for 4 wickets, 35 overs)	120

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Baker	6	2	8	0
2	Greenwood	7	3	15	1
3	French	7	0	33	1
4	Smith	7	0	29	2
5	Lauriston	7	1	27	0
6	Williams	1	0	7	0

MOTM: I. Howarth Champagne Moment: M. Bullock’s catch behind the sticks off S. C. Taylor MBE Buffet Award: S. G. Ackland’s wholemeal baps with chicken and salad filling

Opposition: V024 / 11 Ground: G040 / 26 Captain: C024 / 02