“Banter”
Match: 13
/ 292
Lost
by 6 Runs
|
Team |
Total |
|
Appleton CC |
97 - 7 |
|
J. Hoskins 2 - 14, J. Pearson
2 - 17 |
|
|
|
|
|
FFTMCC |
91 |
|
D. Shorten 35 |
|
|
Banter is a supple term
to describe activities or chat that is playful, intelligent and original. It
is conversation that is both witty and at the same time abusive. It is
something you either possess or lack, there is no middle ground – and it is
also something inherently very English, stemming as it does from traditional
hi-jinks and tomfoolery of British yesteryear. Sarcasm is a tongue in
which the user speaks of something the complete opposite of what user means.
It is the lowest form of wit and can be considered the bastard stepchild of
irony. It is also another very English comedic witticism. Some consider it
god’s gift to man – others, less accepting of its apparent insincerity,
loathe it.
A couple of extras from a local farming
convention invade the field…. The Far from the MCC
have always held sarcastic banter
very dear, it is something to enjoy on the day, even if your sporting day has gone to shit; which
in the case of The MAD – is generally quite often. A little verbal jousting
here and there, a liberal smattering of underhand congratulatory warmth – and
the egos of teams or individuals who are glowing in their own success can be
lowered systematically. It is a perfect way to deflect from your own
shortcomings and failures whilst having a giggle at someone else’s expense.
So without further ado, let’s traverse over this evening’s soiree…. Firstly, well done, Gary
– keeping up his 100% record of losing the toss. Teams much prefer to field
on the hottest day of the year rather than putting their feet up, swigging
some beer, and watching their batsman score some runs. Hurrah! And good
thinking Mr. Emerson (2-1-5-0), deciding against contributing anything for
fear of sweating on your perfectly manicured whites. Grab yourself a Magners
and a chair old boy, and examine that terminal side-strain. We’ll do the
fielding. For someone who
regularly graces the JR with injuries so bad as to make you wince, Mr.
Pearson (4-0-17-2) did a manful job of bowling a mind-boggling 24 deliveries
without a single moan or critical breakdown. Mr. Shorten, currently avoiding
adding any strength or depth to The MAD’s Sunday adventures, also did well
(3-0-12-1) – especially with the beamer that almost hospitalised D. Roach.
Well, in defence of Dave, if any of these Appleton guys grew higher than a
Hobbit it would have been a regulation full toss in need of a good spanking.
A. Ward clipping one to leg during an epic knock
of 2. Talking of spanking: Mr.
Hoskins (3-0-14-2) didn’t receive one. He has now completed the mandatory
Decade of Pie Apprenticeship, as decreed by the Late (and great) Adrian
Fisher, and has accrued the necessary guile and wisdom to fling his flan. No
matter, the Applites aren’t particularly versed in
the Laws of the Game, and thus a slow, gloopy, waist-high full toss* (read
knee-high to non-Hobbits) is deemed a no-ball. Godwin survived being caught,
but was bowled moments later after God told the ball to stay low. Good on
him. The Appleton innings
would eventually stutter to a finale on 97-7 with R. Turner helping to dent
I. Howarth’s death-bowling figures (2-0-7-1) by forgetting to use his hands
when catching. Other penetration came from Mr. Timms buffet wagon (2-0-18-1)
wheeled towards the sewerage plant, whilst non-penetration came from C.
Roberts (4-0-22-0) charging away from said sewerage plant. B. Gilkes top
scored for the home team with a robust 35. Appleton CC enjoy a good
bit of banter too. They are chirpy, excitably raucous, and far from shy in
expressing their love and admiration for their opponents. Mr. Turner (7), A.
Ward (2) and T. Smith (0) all enjoyed pleasantries from the effervescent
fielders, whilst N. Hill (4) and J. Hoskins (7) wallowed in paternal love as
they gifted infant, C. Salmon (4-0-20-2) a brace. Remove one C. McKno (4-1-7-2) and T. Crowe (4-2-17-2) from the home
team’s bowling department and your left with… er, not a lot. So, adhering to
a game plan of seeing them both off [by losing 5 wickets in the process], The
MAD could now unleash builder D. Shorten (35) on a variety of appetising
mid-innings patisserie. 62-5 off 13.
Mike (left) putting his hand up to actually do
something for The Club. Time to say hello to
Mike Reeves. Michael, fresh from some more riveting cycling exploits with
people dressed in lycra, finally saw fit to show up, support his team mates
and do some scoring. He watched in awe as G. Timms (0), J. Hotson (0) and C.
Roberts (0) resisted the temptation to give him something to do, before the
last wicket pairing of Howarth and Pearson found themselves in the middle
with the score on 67-9. A returning Carl (McKno) was quick to eulogise about Howarth’s swing and a
miss citing “gosh, I feel you may have been slightly lucky there, ole chap.”
Ian was similar in his praise for his fellow northerner citing “Indeed I was,
Carl. You bowl such a beautifully controlled line and length, particularly
for someone with such a disadvantage in height and intelligence.” Minding the
timber, wicketkeeper R. Gilkes (considered by many as Mr. Appleton), was quick to point out that infant, C. Salmon,
would probably be better served protecting the boundary – where at least he
wasn’t privy to the friendly exchange.
Pearson and Howarth (batting) discuss protecting
their averages before an attempt to win the match. Quick running, a few
miss-fields and The MAD required the simple maths of 8 for victory off 2
balls. Two boundaries then. Howarth (10*) immediately saw fit to pass this
responsibility to Mr. Pearson, by taking an average protecting single. No
chance of winning now, but a six to tie. Sadly however, James (11) received
the final ball on his bootlaces, and could do nothing to avoid the
disappointment that accompanies the splatter of stumps. Bugger. The Hobbits
had won by a mere 6 runs. Afterwards, Skipper G.
Timms spoke highly of the game, stating “I thought this was a fine advert for
T20 cricket, played with excellent spirit and some fine officiating**. It
could’ve gone either way, though predictably not our way. I congratulate our
vertically challenged opponents and very much look forward to the return, in
The Shire, in a months’ time. There was excellent banter out in the middle,
and some of it I believe, was even said with sincerity. I particularly enjoy
Ian and Carl’s harmonious relationship – somehow cementing the excellent bond
these two teams enjoy. Right – off to the pub.” * – Law 42.6 (ii): A slow delivery which passes or
would have passed on the full above shoulder height of the striker
standing upright at the popping crease is to be deemed dangerous and unfair,
whether or not it is likely to inflict physical injury on the striker
(umpire’s ruling: no ball) ** – You’d think that LBW – with all its subtleties of
interpretation – would be the chief source of contention on a village cricket
field. But there’s something about the height of no balls that really causes
bad blood between teams, even though most arguments could easily be avoided
by a quick glance at a copy of the law book. ‘N. Eedle’
|
*
Statto Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Appleton CC Played at Appleton, 19 June 2013 Appleton CC won the toss and elected
to bat Appleton CC won by 6 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none |
13 / 292 20 over match |
|
Team |
Appleton
CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
D. Manning |
b Pearson |
16 |
|
2 |
- |
|
|
2 |
D. Roach |
b Shorten |
0 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
3 |
G. Bennett |
b Pearson |
14 |
|
2 |
- |
|
|
4 |
M. Bungay * |
lbw b Hoskins |
1 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
5 |
M. Godwin |
b Hoskins |
7 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
6 |
C. Salmon |
c Hoskins b Timms |
5 |
|
1 |
- |
|
|
7 |
B. Gilkes |
c Ward b Howarth |
35 |
|
5 |
1 |
|
|
8 |
G. Pearson |
not out |
4 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
9 |
T. Crowe |
not out |
3 |
|
- |
- |
|
|
10 |
R. Gilkes + |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
11 |
C. McKno |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W7, LB1, B2) |
12 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 7 wickets, 20 overs) |
97 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Emerson |
2 |
1 |
5 |
0 |
|
|
2 |
Shorten |
3 |
0 |
12 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Pearson |
4 |
0 |
17 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Hoskins |
3 |
0 |
14 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
22 |
0 |
|
|
6 |
Timms |
2 |
0 |
18 |
1 |
|
|
7 |
Howarth |
2 |
0 |
7 |
1 |
|
|
Team |
Far from
the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner |
b McKno |
7 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
1-11 |
|
2 |
A. S. Ward |
b Crowe |
2 |
(13) |
- |
- |
3-15 |
|
3 |
T. P. W. Smith |
b McKno |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
2-11 |
|
4 |
N. S. Hill |
b Salmon |
4 |
(9) |
- |
- |
4-16 |
|
5 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Salmon |
7 |
(11) |
1 |
- |
5-27 |
|
6 |
D. Shorten |
b Bungay |
35 |
(28) |
3 |
1 |
6-64 |
|
7 |
G. J. Timms * |
c Manning b Bungay |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
7-65 |
|
8 |
J. C. W. Hotson + |
c Bungay b Manning |
0 |
(5) |
- |
- |
8-67 |
|
9 |
I. Howarth |
not out |
10 |
(17) |
- |
- |
- |
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
b Manning |
0 |
(1) |
- |
- |
9-67 |
|
11 |
J. W. Pearson |
b Crowe |
11 |
(12) |
1 |
- |
10-91 |
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W7, LB3, B3) |
15 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 20 overs) |
91 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
McKno |
4 |
1 |
7 |
2 |
|
|
2 |
Crowe |
4 |
2 |
17 |
2 |
|
|
3 |
Salmon |
4 |
0 |
20 |
2 |
|
|
4 |
Pearson |
2 |
0 |
11 |
0 |
|
|
5 |
Bungay |
2 |
0 |
17 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Manning |
2 |
0 |
11 |
2 |
|
|
7 |
Godwin |
2 |
0 |
4 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: D. Shorten Champagne Moment: N. S. Hill’s smashed
four off C. McKno over cow corner Buffet
Award: G. J. Timm’s steak and onion
baguettes (with Dijon mustard) |
Opposition:
V051 / 11 Ground: G042 / 07 Captain: C022 / 07 |