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Far from the MCC fines 19.05.13 v OUP (a) won by 108 runs

 

 

 

 

Recorded Fines

 

25p unless otherwise stated.

 

 

Name

 

Fine

Reason

Cost

Spam

 

 

Pirouette Failure

 

 

After slating Psycho for his beautiful and well executed pirouette in the field Spam failed to follow suit

 

 

Uber Pissing

Missing play to have a slash down the leg side

£0.50

 

Extreme Shaking

Was this during the pissing or from sun stroke?

£0.50

 

Extreme Moaning

It's Spam (should this be a standing fine?)

£0.50

 

Scoring his player number

77

 

 

Impersonating Paula Radcliffe

Pissing again in outfield

 

 

Reverting to type

Stupid out shot "Mind the windows Tino…"

 

 

Predicting own demise

 

 

"Will I get out trying to hit covers 1,2 or 3 off Jan?" [located behind the bowler] 3 balls later… skies one nowhere near cover 1 and is out…. Twat.

 

 

Century failure

Nailed on century went begging….

 

 

Picking up 1940's radio with Gonzo’s radio

What a piece of crap! Couldn't even get TMS!!

 

 

 

Nazism

 

 

It must of Wehrmacht kit to not get TMS!!! A tommy would never have gone into the field without the knowledge he can get TMS!!

 

 

Chatting

…about self entrapment….

 

 

Self Entrapment

 

 

 

 

 

£4.00

Salad

 

 

 

Spoiling the game

 

 

 

…for me… and the rest of the OUP side.… But mainly for me…. As I trudged back to the sidelines with my golden to be eaten alive by midges.... Little fuckers!!

 

 

Not knowing

Which can lead to confusion

 

 

Confusion

Which can lead to excessive fielding

 

 

Excessive fielding

 

 

Diving around like Jonty Rhodes on LSD… Bloody athletes ruining the game for us porkers and malcoordinated fuckwits (not that I'm bitter)

 

 

Dissing Captain

 

Probably wanted to ruin the game for more useless fuckwits like me!! Arsehole!

 

 

Lacking Confidence

Allowing captain to remove him from bowling..

 

 

Comedy fielding

 

Honestly I wasn't bitter about the jaffer that I got 1st up….

 

 

Uber Smug

Fucking fuck!

£0.50

 

Uber Chatting

Fucking talk through my fines!

£0.50

 

Semi…

Which means there was….

 

 

Full erection avoidance

You disgust me!!

 

 

Hysteria

 

Can't even hold it together for 90 seconds! The Shame!!!

 

 

Jeopardising Spam's MOTM

 

 

Spam looked nailed on after his 77…. Then you came along with your showboating 5fer… What a cunt!!

 

 

 

 

£3.75

Darley

Drop *2

WTF!?!?! I thought I couldn't catch

£1.00

 

Bowling

tut tut

 

 

Sulking

tut tut

 

 

Playing with self

All about the fantasy…

 

 

Self Entrapment

 

 

 

Bowling Beamers @ Female

 

She isn't Bradman!! And you aren't Larwood or Voce! Plonker!

 

 

Smug

Was it the Larwood / Voce comparison?

 

 

Boasting about record @ Jordan Hill

 

"I average 792 at this ground" (with the ball, is my guess)

 

 

Failure to live up to legend

Self created legend!

 

 

Drunk

Friday night drunken emails

 

 

Arguing

"I'm not Drunk"… You were on Friday

 

 

Pissed email

(as above)

 

 

Dissing Paddy

"Paddy kills cyclists with Car doors" (tell tale tit)

 

 

Being….

Bollox… (One for Spam to remember)

 

 

Turning up

The once a season appearance (Little Lucan?)

 

 

Being Available

 

 

 

 

 

£4.75

Paddy

Self Entrapment

I wanna be fined, I've got an average to protect

 

 

Golden

Duck… But was for oppo…

 

 

Self Importance

"You can't fine me for that!"

 

 

Harsh Umpiring

 

"I'll get you for everything! How very dare you for jilting me at the altar!"

 

 

Dissing….

Everyone at one point or other…

 

 

Pie Obsession

"Ooh Jan! You're tasty patisseries are irresistible!"

 

 

Impersonating Dukes of Hazard

 

Daisy Duke? Oh no… The having to get in the car like a spastic beached whale!!

 

 

Waiting for interruptions

…..

 

 

Well

 

 

 

Over

 

 

 

Pointing

…during fines

 

 

Sandwich Failure

 

 

I don't see anything wrong with warm (unintentional) peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (intentional, and LUSH!!)

 

 

Relying on Gonzo

 

…to put the sandwiches somewhere where they wouldn't bake/ sweat for 40 overs!!

 

 

 

 

£3.25

Gonzo

Stealing Pirate

 

 

 

Duck

 

£0.50

 

Drop

 

£0.50

 

Sandra Avoidance

 

 

 

Failure to wake up Jake

 

 

 

Sleeping with Jake

 

 

 

Giving Jake a whitey

 

 

 

Impersonating Simple bloke from….

….no idea

 

 

Beer Spillage

 

Should this come under bringing the club into disrepute?

 

 

Bewilderment

At beer spillage

 

 

Impersonating Canadian Truck Driver

You don't live there yet Gonz!

 

 

Impersonating FBI

 

I doubt they have jurisdiction in Canada, but mountie doesn't really fit…

 

 

Battery cover avoidance

On ridiculous pre historic radio player

 

 

 

 

£3.75

Pearson

 

Duck

 

HAHA! That'll teach you take ridiculous catches like that!!

£0.50

 

Opening bat <25

 

 

 

Hypochondriac

 

Bastard! If you'd bowled and risked further damage... I would've got runs!

£0.50

 

Impersonating Matt Prior

Duckage

 

 

Lazy

Asking to keep wicket

 

 

Cunt

 

Plucking silly catches out of the air… REALLY!! I'M NOT BITTER!!! HONEST GUV'NOR

 

 

Turning up in kit

Seriously James… Do you own …Clothes?!!?!

 

 

Aloof

 

 

 

Harbouring Dark thoughts

 

 

 

Hysteria

 

 

 

Frowning

 

 

 

Pub Avoidance

Before the game

 

 

Batting Failure

He was shit

 

 

Playing with self

 

 

 

Low Expectations

Shame on you

 

 

 

 

£4.25

Bob

Comedy Fielding

 

 

 

Having 4 legs

 

He has an arm like a leg apparently – so if both arm are legs, then Bob has four legs.

 

 

Uber Smug

Bloody good run out that

£0.50

 

Harbouring Dark thoughts

Everyone's getting it today Bob… EVEN YOU!

 

 

Damaging the stumps

…probably

 

 

Bowled by a female

 

Small child... Female... Small child... Female...  Which Is worse?

 

 

Failure to pad up

 

 

 

Failure to bat out overs

3 more balls for fuck sake….

 

 

Failure to secure no. 11 record of 19

 

 

 

Bewilderment

“There are records!?!”

 

 

Boasting

 

 

 

Self Entrapment

 

 

 

Hysteria

 

 

 

 

 

£3.50

Dave

Opening Bowler no Wicket

I blame Salad

 

 

Extreme Sulking

 

 

Well NZ is just a backwater nation like Zimbabwe or Bangladesh (they were skittled for 68 against England earlier in the day)

£0.50

 

Pissing over NZ

 

 

 

Low Pain Threshold

Did you stub a finger? Boohoohoo

 

 

Glowering

At FC during match

 

 

Harbouring Dark thoughts

Towards FC during match

 

 

Hysteria

 

 

 

Impersonating FBI

Dark glasses

 

 

Happy with 6 runs

The HORROR!!!

 

 

Caught by a sieve

Paddy

 

 

Giving Russ verbals

 

I imagine I would've got some too if I'd stuck around….

 

 

Malevolence

After and during the tea interval

 

 

Uber Staring

At Paddy

£0.50

 

Pissing

On outfield

 

 

FC is a moronic prick

…who can't count

-£0.50

 

 

 

£3.50

Reeves

Bowling avoidance

Blame Salad

 

 

TFC

 

 

 

Extreme Lazy Lefty

He didn’t do any running all day

 

 

Dissing last week

The battle in a bog with the Fat boys

 

 

Smug

Expensive fines session here Mike!!

 

 

Boasting

 

 

 

Personalised T-shirt misspelled

It says "NIKE"

 

 

Not being able to swap head

 

…for something smaller? But he is our treasure….r

 

 

Making 3's into 2's

etc. etc. etc.

 

 

Glowering

Haha! Not so smug now!

 

 

Undermining skipper

 

 

 

Zoning

 

 

 

Harbouring Dark thoughts

 

 

 

Hysteria

 

 

 

 

 

£3.50

Timms

 

Being from a washed up boy band

 

Take your pick from any shitty boy band with some young twat with a beard looking smug

 

 

Losing focus

 

 

 

Sneering

At everyone during fines

 

 

Impersonating Moo

Beardey weirdeys!

 

 

Bewilderment

 

 

 

Chatting

During fines

 

 

Being the "new" Littlechild

 

 

 

Surname Failure

Not Littlechild

 

 

Excessive fielding

Is this an epidemic?

 

 

Blinding team

 

 

 

Blinding Oppo

 

 

 

Exposing Bob

To some bowling

 

 

Excessive Hand warming

WTF!?!?! It was baking hot!!

 

 

 

 

£3.25

Psycho

Average Protection

 

 

 

Exposing Bob to women

 

Bob had to face the female bowler (Y. Lau) at the end of our innings

 

 

Celebrating Buffet

 

 

 

Buffet Failure

 

 

 

Like

 

 

 

Not

 

 

 

Hysteria

 

 

 

Sneering

At everyone during fines

 

 

Causing

????

 

 

Being another bowler

 

 

 

Pirouette

 

And a thing of beauty it was too. 10 from the East German judge!!!

 

 

Playing in OUOCC Kit

 

 

 

Living in the past

 

 

 

 

 

£3.25

Moo

Having a sucessful toss

 

 

 

Bowling avoidance

 

 

 

Batting out of character

RUNS!!!! RUNS!!!! HE SCORED SOME RUNS!!!!

 

 

Taking interest in Gonzo

Do you want a whitey?

 

 

Impersonating T20 captain

Beardey weirdeys!

 

 

Binary failure

Scored 20 and not 100010011110000

 

 

Losing club kit

 

 

 

Bouncing avoidance

 

 

 

Passive aggression

At FC during fines

 

 

Clock watching

 

Waiting for his 90 seconds of fines to come to an end

 

 

Pensive

(see above)

 

 

 

 

£2.75

 

 

 

 

 

 

TOTAL

£43.50

 

 

 

*

 

 

Special Rates

 

 

Indiscretion

 

Cost

Duck

£0.50

Golden Duck

£1.00

Diamond or Platinum Duck

£2.00

Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit

£1.00

Dropped Catch

£0.50

Opening Bowler No Wicket

£0.50

Opening Partnership Avoidance

£0.50

Smoking on the Pitch

£0.50

Drinking on the Pitch

£0.50

Missed Stumping

£0.50

Missed Run-Out

£0.50

Fines' Folder Abuse

£0.50

Impersonating Billy Liar

£0.50

Having a Major Cob

£0.50

Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)

£1.00

Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant and condescending)

£0.50

Extreme Frowning

£0.50

Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman

£0.50

Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit)

Known as the “Dobner Clause”

£1.00

Swearing in Front of Kids

£2.50

Bringing the Club into Disrepute

(Ruled on by the Captain)

£5.00

Dissent (to On-field Umpires)

£5.00

Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)

x2