Far
from the MCC fines 19.05.13
v OUP (a) won by 108 runs
Recorded
Fines
25p unless otherwise stated.
Name |
Fine |
Reason |
Cost
|
Spam |
Pirouette
Failure |
After slating Psycho for his beautiful and well executed
pirouette in the field Spam failed to follow suit |
|
|
Uber
Pissing |
Missing play to have a slash down the leg side |
£0.50 |
|
Extreme
Shaking |
Was this during the pissing or from sun stroke? |
£0.50 |
|
Extreme
Moaning |
It's Spam (should this be a standing fine?) |
£0.50 |
|
Scoring
his player number |
77 |
|
|
Impersonating
Paula Radcliffe |
Pissing again in outfield |
|
|
Reverting
to type |
Stupid out shot "Mind the windows
Tino…" |
|
|
Predicting
own demise |
"Will I get out trying to hit covers 1,2 or
3 off Jan?" [located behind the bowler] 3 balls later… skies one nowhere
near cover 1 and is out…. Twat. |
|
|
Century
failure |
Nailed on century went begging…. |
|
|
Picking
up 1940's radio with Gonzo’s radio |
What a piece of crap! Couldn't even get TMS!! |
|
|
Nazism |
It must of Wehrmacht kit to not get TMS!!! A
tommy would never have gone into the field without the knowledge he can get
TMS!! |
|
|
Chatting |
…about self entrapment….
|
|
|
Self Entrapment |
|
|
|
|
|
£4.00 |
Salad |
Spoiling
the game |
…for me… and the rest of the OUP side.… But
mainly for me…. As I trudged back to the sidelines
with my golden to be eaten alive by midges.... Little fuckers!! |
|
|
Not
knowing |
Which can lead to confusion |
|
|
Confusion |
Which can lead to excessive fielding |
|
|
Excessive
fielding |
Diving around like Jonty Rhodes on LSD… Bloody
athletes ruining the game for us porkers and malcoordinated
fuckwits (not that I'm bitter) |
|
|
Dissing
Captain |
Probably wanted to ruin the game for more useless
fuckwits like me!! Arsehole! |
|
|
Lacking
Confidence |
Allowing captain to remove him from bowling.. |
|
|
Comedy
fielding |
Honestly I wasn't bitter about the jaffer that I got 1st up…. |
|
|
Uber
Smug |
Fucking fuck! |
£0.50 |
|
Uber
Chatting |
Fucking talk through my fines! |
£0.50 |
|
Semi… |
Which means there was…. |
|
|
Full
erection avoidance |
You disgust me!! |
|
|
Hysteria |
Can't even hold it together for 90 seconds! The
Shame!!! |
|
|
Jeopardising
Spam's MOTM |
Spam looked nailed on after his 77…. Then you
came along with your showboating 5fer… What a cunt!! |
|
|
|
|
£3.75 |
Darley |
Drop *2 |
WTF!?!?! I thought I couldn't catch |
£1.00 |
|
Bowling |
tut tut |
|
|
Sulking |
tut tut |
|
|
Playing
with self |
All about the fantasy… |
|
|
Self Entrapment |
|
|
|
Bowling Beamers
@ Female |
She isn't Bradman!! And you aren't Larwood or
Voce! Plonker! |
|
|
Smug |
Was it the Larwood / Voce comparison? |
|
|
Boasting
about record @ Jordan Hill |
"I average 792 at this ground" (with
the ball, is my guess) |
|
|
Failure
to live up to legend |
Self
created legend! |
|
|
Drunk |
Friday night drunken emails |
|
|
Arguing |
"I'm not Drunk"… You were on Friday |
|
|
Pissed
email |
(as above) |
|
|
Dissing
Paddy |
"Paddy kills cyclists with Car doors" (tell tale tit) |
|
|
Being…. |
Bollox… (One for Spam to remember) |
|
|
Turning
up |
The once a season appearance (Little Lucan?) |
|
|
Being
Available |
|
|
|
|
|
£4.75 |
Paddy |
Self Entrapment |
I wanna be fined, I've
got an average to protect |
|
|
Golden |
Duck… But was for oppo… |
|
|
Self Importance |
"You can't fine me for that!" |
|
|
Harsh
Umpiring |
"I'll get you for everything! How very dare
you for jilting me at the altar!" |
|
|
Dissing…. |
Everyone at one point or other… |
|
|
Pie
Obsession |
"Ooh Jan! You're tasty patisseries are
irresistible!" |
|
|
Impersonating
Dukes of Hazard |
Daisy Duke? Oh no… The having to get in the car
like a spastic beached whale!! |
|
|
Waiting
for interruptions |
….. |
|
|
Well |
|
|
|
Over |
|
|
|
Pointing |
…during fines |
|
|
Sandwich
Failure |
I don't see anything wrong with warm
(unintentional) peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (intentional, and LUSH!!) |
|
|
Relying
on Gonzo |
…to put the sandwiches somewhere where they
wouldn't bake/ sweat for 40 overs!! |
|
|
|
|
£3.25 |
Gonzo |
Stealing
Pirate |
|
|
|
Duck |
|
£0.50 |
|
Drop |
|
£0.50 |
|
Sandra
Avoidance |
|
|
|
Failure
to wake up Jake |
|
|
|
Sleeping
with Jake |
|
|
|
Giving
Jake a whitey |
|
|
|
Impersonating
Simple bloke from…. |
….no idea |
|
|
Beer
Spillage |
Should this come under bringing the club into
disrepute? |
|
|
Bewilderment |
At beer spillage |
|
|
Impersonating
Canadian Truck Driver |
You don't live there yet Gonz!
|
|
|
Impersonating
FBI |
I doubt they have jurisdiction in Canada, but mountie doesn't really fit… |
|
|
Battery
cover avoidance |
On ridiculous pre historic radio player |
|
|
|
|
£3.75 |
Pearson |
Duck |
HAHA! That'll teach you take ridiculous catches
like that!! |
£0.50 |
|
Opening
bat <25 |
|
|
|
Hypochondriac |
Bastard! If you'd bowled and risked further
damage... I would've got runs! |
£0.50 |
|
Impersonating
Matt Prior |
Duckage |
|
|
Lazy |
Asking to keep wicket |
|
|
Cunt |
Plucking silly catches out of the air… REALLY!!
I'M NOT BITTER!!! HONEST GUV'NOR |
|
|
Turning
up in kit |
Seriously James… Do you own …Clothes?!!?! |
|
|
Aloof |
|
|
|
Harbouring
Dark thoughts |
|
|
|
Hysteria |
|
|
|
Frowning |
|
|
|
Pub
Avoidance |
Before the game |
|
|
Batting
Failure |
He was shit |
|
|
Playing
with self |
|
|
|
Low
Expectations |
Shame on you |
|
|
|
|
£4.25 |
Bob |
Comedy
Fielding |
|
|
|
Having 4
legs |
He has an arm like a leg apparently – so if both arm are legs, then Bob has four legs. |
|
|
Uber
Smug |
Bloody good run out that |
£0.50 |
|
Harbouring
Dark thoughts |
Everyone's getting it today Bob… EVEN YOU! |
|
|
Damaging
the stumps |
…probably |
|
|
Bowled
by a female |
Small child... Female... Small child...
Female... Which Is worse? |
|
|
Failure
to pad up |
|
|
|
Failure
to bat out overs |
3 more balls for fuck sake…. |
|
|
Failure
to secure no. 11 record of 19 |
|
|
|
Bewilderment |
“There are records!?!” |
|
|
Boasting |
|
|
|
Self Entrapment |
|
|
|
Hysteria |
|
|
|
|
|
£3.50 |
Dave |
Opening
Bowler no Wicket |
I blame Salad |
|
|
Extreme Sulking |
Well NZ is just a backwater nation like Zimbabwe
or Bangladesh (they were skittled for 68 against England earlier in the day) |
£0.50 |
|
Pissing
over NZ |
|
|
|
Low Pain
Threshold |
Did you stub a finger? Boohoohoo |
|
|
Glowering |
At FC during match |
|
|
Harbouring
Dark thoughts |
Towards FC during match |
|
|
Hysteria |
|
|
|
Impersonating
FBI |
Dark glasses |
|
|
Happy
with 6 runs |
The HORROR!!! |
|
|
Caught
by a sieve |
Paddy |
|
|
Giving
Russ verbals |
I imagine I would've got some too if I'd stuck
around…. |
|
|
Malevolence |
After and during the tea interval |
|
|
Uber
Staring |
At Paddy |
£0.50 |
|
Pissing |
On outfield |
|
|
FC is a
moronic prick |
…who can't count |
-£0.50 |
|
|
|
£3.50 |
Reeves |
Bowling
avoidance |
Blame Salad |
|
|
TFC |
|
|
|
Extreme
Lazy Lefty |
He didn’t do any running all day |
|
|
Dissing
last week |
The battle in a bog with the Fat boys |
|
|
Smug |
Expensive fines session here Mike!! |
|
|
Boasting |
|
|
|
Personalised
T-shirt misspelled |
It says "NIKE" |
|
|
Not
being able to swap head |
…for something smaller? But he is our treasure….r |
|
|
Making
3's into 2's |
etc. etc. etc. |
|
|
Glowering |
Haha!
Not so smug now! |
|
|
Undermining
skipper |
|
|
|
Zoning |
|
|
|
Harbouring
Dark thoughts |
|
|
|
Hysteria |
|
|
|
|
|
£3.50 |
Timms |
Being
from a washed up boy band |
Take your pick from any shitty boy band with some
young twat with a beard looking smug |
|
|
Losing
focus |
|
|
|
Sneering |
At everyone during fines |
|
|
Impersonating
Moo |
Beardey weirdeys! |
|
|
Bewilderment |
|
|
|
Chatting |
During fines |
|
|
Being
the "new" Littlechild |
|
|
|
Surname
Failure |
Not Littlechild |
|
|
Excessive
fielding |
Is this an epidemic? |
|
|
Blinding
team |
|
|
|
Blinding
Oppo |
|
|
|
Exposing
Bob |
To some bowling |
|
|
Excessive
Hand warming |
WTF!?!?! It was baking hot!! |
|
|
|
|
£3.25 |
Psycho |
Average
Protection |
|
|
|
Exposing
Bob to women |
Bob had to face the female bowler (Y. Lau) at the
end of our innings |
|
|
Celebrating
Buffet |
|
|
|
Buffet
Failure |
|
|
|
Like |
|
|
|
Not |
|
|
|
Hysteria |
|
|
|
Sneering |
At everyone during fines |
|
|
Causing |
???? |
|
|
Being
another bowler |
|
|
|
Pirouette |
And a thing of beauty it was too. 10 from the
East German judge!!! |
|
|
Playing
in OUOCC Kit |
|
|
|
Living
in the past |
|
|
|
|
|
£3.25 |
Moo |
Having a
sucessful toss |
|
|
|
Bowling
avoidance |
|
|
|
Batting
out of character |
RUNS!!!! RUNS!!!! HE SCORED SOME RUNS!!!! |
|
|
Taking
interest in Gonzo |
Do you want a whitey? |
|
|
Impersonating
T20 captain |
Beardey weirdeys! |
|
|
Binary
failure |
Scored 20 and not 100010011110000 |
|
|
Losing
club kit |
|
|
|
Bouncing
avoidance |
|
|
|
Passive
aggression |
At FC during fines |
|
|
Clock
watching |
Waiting for his 90 seconds of fines to come to an
end |
|
|
Pensive |
(see above) |
|
|
|
|
£2.75 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
£43.50 |
*
Special
Rates
Indiscretion |
Cost |
Duck |
£0.50 |
Golden Duck |
£1.00 |
Diamond or Platinum Duck |
£2.00 |
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit |
£1.00 |
Dropped Catch |
£0.50 |
Opening Bowler No Wicket |
£0.50 |
Opening Partnership Avoidance |
£0.50 |
Smoking on the Pitch |
£0.50 |
Drinking on the Pitch |
£0.50 |
Missed Stumping |
£0.50 |
Missed Run-Out |
£0.50 |
Fines' Folder Abuse |
£0.50 |
Impersonating Billy Liar |
£0.50 |
Having a Major Cob |
£0.50 |
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter
meltdown) |
£1.00 |
Looking Uber-Smug (overly arrogant
and condescending) |
£0.50 |
Extreme Frowning |
£0.50 |
Insulting the Fines Committee
Chairman |
£0.50 |
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum
limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause” |
£1.00 |
Swearing in Front of Kids |
£2.50 |
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain) |
£5.00 |
Dissent (to On-field Umpires) |
£5.00 |
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose) |
x2 |