“MAD Undone
by Nutritional Deficiency”
Match: 14
/ 331
Lost
by 2 wkts
|
Team |
Total |
|
FFTMCC |
137 |
|
R. Hadfield 39, S. Dobner
34* |
|
|
|
|
|
Astons CC |
141 - 8 |
|
D. Shorten 3 - 21, M. Reading
2 - 18 |
|
|
Seven days after the
record breaking win at Milton (breaking the record of never having won at
Milton) The MAD returned to their home ground of Brasnose
to take on another frequent foe, The Astons. As it transpired many players,
mostly from The MAD were struck down during the game with a variety of
ailments. Surely something was amiss and footage of the game was subsequently
forwarded to Doctor Gillian McKeith of TV’s “you
are what you poo”, to see if any of the injuries had been caused by incorrect
nutrition, before or during the game. So over to you Gillian, for a
diagnosis.
Lord Lucan (batting) graces us with his revered
presence. Well, Aston’s skipper
Ralph Smith, had obviously not made use of my geranium stem capsules, which
have been clinically proven to increase predictive powers as he called the toss
incorrectly and therefore MAD skipper Ian Howarth had the unusual job of
making a decision. Ian chose to bat first and R Turner (10) and R Hadfield
(39) strode out to bat. For the opposition, T Wigg
was hampered by calcium deficiency, leading to acute osteoporosis and limped
around for a few overs. I reckon milk of magnesium would have prevented this. Hadfield probed around
at first, before accelerating and scoring his final 18 runs in just 9 balls.
However, after hitting a six, he was caught the very next ball. Had he taken
a dose of my cocoa granules he would have calmed down and would probably have
made a 50. Next in was Steve Dobner (34 n.o) and I
could write a multi-million selling book on him alone, but to watch him
slowly succumb to a crippling groin injury was a sure sign of scurvy which a
few fresh limes crushed with juniper berries which surely have prevented. M
Reading (5) was next up. His continued bad luck can only be resolved by eating
a toad’s foot on mid-summer’s eve, which has been clinically proven blah,
blah, blah.
Seems only right to blame a kid for your own
ineptitude, Howarth…. Skipper I Howarth (0)
had a shocker, but I am confident that my caffeine pills (£3.99 for 12) would
sharpen his focus and aid his shot selection. M Reeves (16) could use some
vitamin A to improve his eye sight as he played around a straight one. I can
recommend alcohol for D Shorten (5) in any form to calm his nerves and keep
the ball on the floor. J Hoskins (5) and G Timms (1) appear to have similar
problems with hand / eye coordination, for which ginger petals are a time
honoured remedy (and now available on my website in suppository form.)
Roberts (dot, 4, out) did not hang around long enough for a full diagnosis. It’s something of a
surprise, considering the general under nourishment (with the obvious
exception of Russ) that the teams made it to tea, with the loss of only one
player per team. A score of 137 is remarkable given the poor physical
conditioning of the batting side. Tea was delicious and beautifully prepared
by under paid 10 year olds, but where were the super foods? Where were the colour combinations recommended in my
blog? Where the balancing of earth, wind and fire as was described in my
twitter feed? All I can say is that what followed was sadly inevitable.
BHCC (the Boars Hill Catering Core). D Shorten (8-1-21-3) is
obviously used to builder’s tea and Ginsters pasties, but still bowled with
his usual energy. J Hoskins (5-0-25-1) was cruelly cut down with a pulled
muscle, something which could have simply been avoided with some Echinacea
sandwiches. G Timms (4-1-12-1) was
suffering with an existing ‘arse injury’ but a week or so sitting on a cushion
of distilled gill weed should see him right. By this point the
skipper had run out of places in the field to hide his crocked players with D
Shorten having to cover one half of the pitch on his own. C Roberts
(4-0-16-1) and M Reading (5.5-1-18-2) did at least appear to have been within
three feet of a stick of broccoli recently, but what can be said of M Reeves
(4-0-21-0) and I Howarth (3-0-27-0)? Clearly it would take something isotonic
or possibly an intravenous infusion to breathe life into these two
individuals. Perhaps my snake oil, specially formulated for the over exerted
cricketer will fit the bill.
Giant Duck is fed a diet of shit cricket most
Sundays…. Having examined a stool
sample of R Smith (59) I can pronounce that he is in perfect health and in
perfect form to dispatch The MAD bowlers. Once again he was the difference
between the teams and The Astons squeaked home by two wickets. As they
collapsed from 134 for 5 to 136 for 8 The MAD really thought they were in
with a shout. There is no known food or drink to cure such blind optimism.
Still a keen and enjoyable contest between two well matched opponents. ‘Reevsie’
|
*
Statto
Scorecards
|
Far from the MCC versus Astons
CC Played at Brasenose College, 13 July
2014 Far from the MCC won the
toss and elected to bat Astons CC won by 2 wkts Far from the MCC debuts:
none |
14 / 331 40 over match |
|
Team |
Far from the MCC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. P. Turner + |
lbw b Ray |
10 |
(18) |
2 |
- |
1-19 |
|
2 |
R. J. B. Hadfield |
c R. Smith b Dew |
39 |
(58) |
6 |
1 |
2-66 |
|
3 |
S. L. P. Dobner |
not out |
34 |
(93) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
4 |
M. J. Reading |
lbw b S. Smith |
5 |
(10) |
- |
- |
3-75 |
|
5 |
I. Howarth * |
b S. Smith |
0 |
(6) |
- |
- |
4-78 |
|
6 |
M. K. Reeves |
b French |
16 |
(26) |
3 |
- |
5-108 |
|
7 |
D. Shorten |
c White b Kilcoyne |
5 |
(4) |
1 |
- |
6-118 |
|
8 |
J. D. Hoskins |
b Kilcoyne |
5 |
(8) |
1 |
- |
7-125 |
|
9 |
G. J. Timms |
b White |
1 |
(5) |
- |
- |
8-130 |
|
10 |
C. D. Roberts |
c Ray b Shea |
4 |
(3) |
1 |
- |
9-137 |
|
11 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB3, W10, LB1, B4) |
18 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(all out, 38 overs) |
137 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Ray |
6 |
1 |
14 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
White |
5 |
0 |
20 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Dew |
7 |
2 |
24 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
S. Smith |
8 |
1 |
25 |
2 |
|
|
5 |
French |
6 |
0 |
19 |
1 |
|
|
6 |
Kilcoyne |
4 |
0 |
23 |
2 |
|
|
7 |
Shea |
2 |
0 |
10 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Team |
Astons CC |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Batsman |
How Out |
Total |
Balls |
4s |
6s |
FOW |
|
1 |
R. A. Smith *+ |
c Roberts b Shorten |
59 |
(74) |
5 |
- |
4-115 |
|
2 |
N. Clark |
b Shorten |
17 |
(20) |
2 |
- |
1-25 |
|
3 |
C. Allen |
b Roberts |
3 |
(11) |
- |
- |
2-36 |
|
4 |
D. Kilcoyne |
b Timms |
1 |
(5) |
- |
- |
3-37 |
|
5 |
J. Shea |
b Shorten |
27 |
(57) |
3 |
- |
5-125 |
|
6 |
D. White |
b Hoskins |
13 |
(8) |
3 |
- |
7-134 |
|
7 |
T. Dew |
lbw b Reading |
4 |
(5) |
1 |
- |
6-134 |
|
8 |
S. Smith |
lbw b Reading |
0 |
(3) |
- |
- |
8-136 |
|
9 |
B. Ray |
not out |
6 |
(4) |
1 |
- |
- |
|
10 |
A. French |
not out |
1 |
(1) |
- |
- |
- |
|
11 |
T. Wigg |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Extras |
(NB2, W4, LB4) |
10 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOTAL |
(for 8 wickets, 33.5 overs) |
141 |
|
|
|
|
|
# |
Bowler |
Overs |
Maidens |
Runs |
Wkts |
|
|
1 |
Shorten |
8 |
1 |
21 |
3 |
|
|
2 |
Hoskins |
5 |
0 |
25 |
1 |
|
|
3 |
Timms |
4 |
1 |
12 |
1 |
|
|
4 |
Roberts |
4 |
0 |
16 |
1 |
|
|
5 |
Reading |
5.5 |
1 |
18 |
2 |
|
|
6 |
Reeves |
4 |
0 |
21 |
0 |
|
|
7 |
Howarth |
3 |
0 |
27 |
0 |
|
|
MOTM: R. J. B. Hadfield Champagne Moment: C. D. Roberts’
one-handed catch at mid-wicket (R. Smith) Buffet
Award: I. Howarth’s steak and carrot
home baked pies (with extra gravy) |
Opposition:
V046 / 11 Ground: G040 / 37 Captain: C007 / 57 |