“History of MADness”

Match: 14 / 333

Won by 19 runs

Team	Total
FFTMCC	168 - 9
M. Reeves 43, P. Mellor 27
Cholsey CC	149
J. Pearson 2 - 20, M. Reading 2 - 21

A heavy thunderstorm on the Saturday put paid to any hopes of a game at Brasenose the following day, but last minute negotiations on the morning of the match secured a reverse at Cholsey CC’s new home of Fair Mile (Cholsey Meadows). A redeveloped area of parkland in South Oxfordshire, Fair Mile is (in)famous for housing a loony bin built in 1870. So, in essence, The MAD ended up coming home for this fixture. Crazy. Mad. Insane.

The Fair Mile Hospital is twinned with Arkham Asylum.

Records indicate the cricket ground itself was established back in the 1920’s and by the 1960’s and 70’s, the local (Fair Mile) team were regularly guested by Kent CC who agreed to play benefit matches there (the Late Colin Cowdrey is was pictured below, but some unscrupulous internet troll company scuttled that). But following the closure of the County Lunatic Asylum in 2002, the ground slowly fell into disrepair and was eventually abandoned, as many of the staff and players who had worked at the institution had moved on.

Ten years after the hospital had closed and following extensive renovation of the pavilion, Cholsey CC staged their inaugural match at their new home against Dorchester CC. The MAD have also played Dorchester CC but found the opposition not quite to their liking. It was probably The MAD, actually, which didn’t appeal… since Club Poet, Andy Morley, spent most the match unconscious in front of the pavilion on a nest of empty beer cans, whilst T. Smith picked magic mushrooms in the outfield.

Morlers, unconscious somewhere else… this time at Lords….

Fast forward to the present and following a predictably quick loss of the toss by Howarth, his opposite number, Mr. Chapman, inserted The MAD in on a rather lively looking grasstop (given at least 15 minutes work by the groundsman). Both J. Pearson (19) and G. Carter (10) coped well with the exaggerated bounce, before they didn’t with both electing to give some catching practice. J. Hoskins had studied the conditions most studiously and hoped to do much better, but his ignorance of where to deflect the ball let him down (bowled for a golden). There then followed a serene passage of play whereby some runs were scored but no wickets fell. It was also bloody hot. Drinks. 62-3 off 17 ovs.

A. Chapman (keeping) is escorted back to the loony bin.

After slaking his thirst, R. Turner (21) continued a recent MAD trend in throwing his wicket away immediately after rehydration [caught]. Having witnessed three quarters of his batsmen being dismissed by the unruly bounce, Howarth then decided it would be a masterstroke to cut a high wide one [caught for 6]. Cholsey certainly weren’t dropping anything – and why should they? As a batsman you are of course allowed to keep the ball on the fucking floor – this process has the desired effect of negating being dismissed via Law 32: “caught”.

For the next 8 or 9 overs, M. Reeves and P. Mellor spanked quite a bit in the air, but thankfully [for them] it fell into spaces. One particular slap from Reeves spent a very long time in the air – finally landing behind the bowler in the gardens of the recently built Linden Homes. PING! As it hit an upright. “Gosh!” shouted the inmates – sorry, I meant inhabitants. Another drinks break (still bloody hot) and Mike (43) continued his aerial approach to life until (wait for it) holing out to R. Thomas on the deep cow boundary. 134-6 off 28.1 ovs.

With overs dwindling, P. Mellor (27) continued to scuttle runs as his body mass reduced proportionally in sweat. He was assisted in a small amount by M. Bullock (1), a healthy amount by M. Reading 18* and a much much smaller amount by M. Rundle (0). G. Timms disappointed all by avoiding a new MAD golden duck record with a run-a-ball 1 not out. B. Davis (5-1-18-2) and the aforementioned Thomas (6-1-14-2) were the stand out bowlers for Cholsey. 168-9 and time for grub.

M. Reeves’ times his on-drive to perfection.

Tea was notable for being made by the wife of Howarth (Vicki) and the credit being claimed by Ian. It was also notable for not tasting like shit, being ample in size and not having anything whatsoever good to do with Howarth. Though Ian did use his northern roots to source some excellent 2-for-1 offers at Tesco’s (in the Value aisle).

With temperatures now soaring it was time for The MAD to do some fielding, and in particular, make use of the shade in the surrounding hedgerows and trees. This they accomplished by bowling some toilet at opening bat B. Davis, who gleefully dispensed it with alarming regularity to said leafy areas. G. Timms (3-0-23-0) served up some shit to hit, whilst M. Rundle (5-2-23-1) threw less shit to hit, before J. Hoskins (7-0-22-0) restored some parity with only a minor amount of shit.

Whilst Davis went on his merry way, wickets were starting to tumble at the other end – M. Reading (4-0-21-2) profiting from Cholsey’s equally ineffectual habit of trying to keep the ball on the floor. Skipper Chapman now joined Davis on 70-4 and together they pushed the total past a hundred and past the drinks break.

M. Reading throws a ball over a footballer with a bat.

Matches can turn in the blink of an eye, especially if you play for the FFTMCC. Thankfully, on this day, things turned in a good way [yes, you read that right]. With no immediate threat to either his wicket or the home team’s run-chase, Mr. Chapman (18) saw fit to swing across the line to J. Pearson (7-1-20-2) to find his stumps splattered. A bizarre and quite ugly dismissal, which some would label “shit”. Even more bizarre was perhaps his partner’s baffling decision to run himself out at the danger end just a few balls later [Davis gone for 79 to a direct hit from Pearson]. The match had quite literally changed on its axis. Dramatic. Insane. Mad.

With only a modicum of shit, Reeves (4-0-15-0), Howarth (4-0-11-0) and Mellor (1-0-7-1) all did their bit to ramp up the Cholsey run rate. R. Thomas (30*) would provide some lusty late hitting, but all in vain – the home team eventually succumbing off the final ball of the innings to another direct run out by Pearson [Chadwick golden]. The MAD had triumphed by 19 runs.

The MAD finally come home.

From having no game, to having a game; from sitting around bored to suddenly dashing to South Oxfordshire; from exchanging pleasantries with the wife* / missus* / cat* / dog* / TV* (delete as appropriate*) to throwing abuse at your teammates – the day had it all. Even the weather was a winner. And if onlookers picked up on any of the aforementioned banter, they’d probably be forgiven for thinking: the inmates were now (ahem)… running the asylum….

‘The Joker’

*

Statto Scorecards

Far from the MCC versus Cholsey CC Played at Cholsey Meadows, 20 July 2014 Cholsey CC won the toss and elected to field Far from the MCC won by 19 runs Far from the MCC debuts: none

14 / 333 35 over match

Team	Far from the MCC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	J. W. Pearson	c M. Taylor b Chapman	19	(31)	2	-	2-36
2	G. Carter	c M. Taylor b Thomas	10	(33)	2	-	1-26
3	R. P. Turner	c Angell b Miners	21	(33)	2	-	4-62
4	J. D. Hoskins	b Chapman	0	(1)	-	-	3-37
5	M. K. Reeves	c Thomas b Chadwick	43	(44)	4	2	6-134
6	I. Howarth *	c K. Taylor b M. Taylor	6	(10)	-	-	5-79
7	P. A. S. Mellor	b Davis	27	(36)	1	-	8-162
8	M. Bullock +	b Davis	1	(6)	-	-	7-136
9	M. Reading	not out	18	(16)	2	-	-
10	M. S. Rundle	c Angell b Thomas	0	(5)	-	-	9-163
11	G. J. Timms	not out	1	(1)	-	-	-
	Extras	(NB6, W12, LB1, B3)	22
	TOTAL	(for 9 wickets, 35 overs)	168

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Thomas	6	1	14	2
2	Chapman	7	1	24	2
3	M. Taylor	7	0	35	1
4	Miners	5	0	30	1
5	Angell	2	0	17	0
6	Davis	5	1	18	2
7	Chadwick	3	0	25	1

Team	Cholsey CC
#	Batsman	How Out	Total	Balls	4s	6s	FOW
1	B. Davis +	run out (Pearson)	79	(74)	13	1	6-117
2	A. Goldsmith	run out (Reading/Bullock)	3	(13)	-	-	1-28
3	J. Taylor	b Rundle	0	(7)	-	-	2-40
4	P. Miners	c Howarth b Reading	7	(18)	-	-	3-61
5	K. Taylor	c Reeves b Reading	0	(8)	-	-	4-70
6	A. Chapman *+	b Pearson	18	(22)	2	-	5-116
7	M. Angell	c Reeves b Pearson	1	(11)	-	-	7-117
8	M. Taylor	c Reading b Mellor	1	(28)	-	-	8-149
9	R. Thomas	not out	30	(26)	3	-	-
10	R. Chadwick	run out (Pearson)	0	(1)	-	-	9-149
11
	Extras	(W2, B7)	10
	TOTAL	(all out, 35 overs)	149

#	Bowler	Overs	Maidens	Runs	Wkts
1	Rundle	5	2	23	1
2	Timms	3	0	23	0
3	Hoskins	7	0	22	0
4	Reading	4	0	21	2
5	Reeves	4	0	15	0
6	Pearson	7	1	20	2
7	Howarth	4	0	11	0
8	Mellor	1	0	7	1

MOTM: M. K. Reeves Champagne Moment: J. W. Pearson’s run out of B. Davis Buffet Award: G. J. Timms’ Tesco value sausage rolls (with value ketchup)

Opposition: V033 / 16 Ground: G070 / 01 Captain: C007 / 58