Far from the MCC fines 27.07.14 v Wootton & Bladon CC (a) lost by 31 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Moo	Hypochondriac	Too many niggling injuries to mention
	Losing his shades	Whilst in bushes [looking for lost ball]
	Arguing x 4		£1.00
	Kids too young	To play for The Mad
	Hogging the batting	Taking up nearly 16 overs of bowling
	Urination avoidance
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Hysteria
	Flirting with Spam	Admiring his face / eyes
	Instigating a collapse	First wicket to fall
	Melodramatic
			£3.75
Bob	Cob on field	At poor fielding
	Forlorn
	Not Touring
	Last wicket avoidance	He batted at #10
	Delighting in his cob [on field]
	Failure to bring team home
	Flirting with Spam and Gary	Admiring their face / eyes	£0.50
	Winking	In a suggestive manner
	Self entrapment
	Comedy fielding x 2		£0.50
	Copying Gary’s footwork	In field [i.e shit]
	Feeling stiff
			£3.50
Russ	Forgetting family
	No fucking idea	…What is going on most the time….
	Kit avoidance	Left it outside pavilion the last game [for Spam to collect and wash]
	Not dismissing Spam	Now a regular event either batting [runs him out] or whilst umpiring [triggers him]
	Putting life in danger	Catching balls against his chest
	Flirting with Salad x 2	Admiring his face / eyes	£0.50
	Cob
	Hysteria x 2		£0.50
	Kitchen avoidance	Failed to navigate the iron shutter to gain entrance to ground
	Wife avoidance
	‘Henry the Eighth’ avoidance	Not having 6 wives at the match
	Hiding	In his pint glass at Fines
	Losing his car	His wife[?] stole it….
	Foraging for food	Phat fuck
			£4.00
Pearson	Dissing parents	In their absence
	Failing to enact a plan	i.e not getting out
	Being sledged	By his folks
	Impersonating ‘Sister Sledge’	He was sledged by his sister
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Using Harry Potter’s bat
	Smoking problem	Continually chugging away
	Acting out of character	Not arriving in kit
	Moaning	About fines
	Smug x 2		£0.50
			£3.25
Reeves	Refusing to comeback to bowl	For second spell
	Opening bowler no wicket		£0.50
	Bitching about tiredness	Again and again
	Failure to bring team home
	Embarrassing bowlers around the world with his non-commitment	For second spell
	Looking puzzled
	Moaning	About Tour organising
	Chatting throughout fines
	NASA fetish	Wearing a T-shirt with their emblem
	Impersonating a loans company	Using Club funds
	Confusing Jake
	Airy ways
	Organ failure	Not enough puff for more bowling
	Cob
			£3.75
Timms	Being incognito	Not recognised
	Being glum
	Bad moodswings x 2		£0.50
	Hysteria x 3		£0.75
	Confused by Jake	The indignation….
	Failure to bring team home
	Nervous energy	Continual biting of knuckles
	Boundary ignorance	Think his boundary gave him 2 runs….
	Gay triathlon	With Howarth before game [including moving of covers and sightscreens]
	Flirting at Moo	Admiring his face / eyes
			£3.25
Jake	Utter confusion	During the day as a whole
	Comedy fielding	Some kind of football sliding tackle with his hippy-trousers [to ill-effect]
	Drop		£0.50
			£1.00
Stevie D	Pavilion abuse
	Pub avoidance x 2		£0.50
	Impersonating a Neo-Nazi	Crap skinhead haircut
	National Front demonstration avoidance	The day before in Oxford town centre
	Going back to old ways	Looking and behaving like a thug
			£1.50
Psycho	Complaining	About a sore shoulder
	Complaining	About a sore back
	Drop		£0.50
	Average protection
	Umpire avoidance	Complaining he was too injured
	Being a failure	Achieving fuck all and having an injury ravaged body
	Impersonating Boycott	Playing for himself [not out]
	Impersonating Stevie D	Always fucking injured
	Flirting at Lee [Ainsworth]	Admiring his face / eyes
	Uber-flirting at Gary	Admiring his face / eyes	£0.50
	Hysteria
	Drink problem	Continually drinking
	Hiding behind beer	His pint
	Being bummed	His bowling figures
			£4.00
Ian H	Being a lady	Gay woman’s glass [Aspells cider]
	Batting like a cunt
	Losing the toss		£0.50
	Gay triathlon	With Timms before game [including moving of covers and sightscreens]
	Indecent exposure	No top
	Putting Pearson’s sister off men	By wearing no top
	Scoring the joint lowest score [4]
	Bragging
	Hysteria
	Pathetic innings	4 . W
	Poor strategist	Nothing he did today was of any fucking use whatsoever
	Flirting at Salad	Admiring his face / eyes
	Clock watching	During fines
	Continuing collapse
	Harbouring a cob
			£4.00
Salad	Complaining	About being tired
	Moaning aloud	About being tired
	Being bummed	His bowling figures
	Shaving avoidance	Looking feral
	Smug x 2		£0.50
	Peeping Tom	Staring at team over the surrounding Brasenose perimeter fence [with Russ]
	Failure to bring team home
	Bowling longest over known to mankind	The second ball was hit into undergrowth that took well over a week to find
	Flirting with Russ	Admiring his face / eyes
	Flirting with Spam	Admiring his face / eyes
	Flirting with Timms	Admiring his face / eyes
	Sexual thoughts about Timms’ missus
			£3.25
		TOTAL	£35.25

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership <25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber [anything] – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme [anything] – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2