Far from the MCC fines 01.06.14 v Isis CC (a) won by 20 runs

Recorded Fines

25p unless otherwise stated.

Name	Fine	Reason	Cost
Dave E	Disrespectful behaviour	Sitting his arse on Matt’s kitbag for fines
	Fielding out of character	Stopping a ball and dropping no catches
	Chav-like tendencies	Sunbathing
	Impersonating Bob	Batting last
	Using the Goose	Despite having an armada of personal bats
	Hysteria x 2		50p
	Moving sightscreen	For better sunshine (sunbathing)
	Opening bowler avoidance
	Laziness	Getting lift to off licence (some 50m away)
	Excessive laziness	Throughout the day
	Smug
	Intimidating behaviour	Staring at deputy Fines Chairman
	Uber-harbouring	Massive cob	50p
			£3.75
Geoff	Self entrapment
	Drop		50p
	Confused identity	Being Geoff, George and now Godfrey
	Splitting a split-personality	George becomes Godfrey
	Hysteria x 4		£1.00
	Glowering	At people
	Migration	From League to Sunday cricket
	Leaning with intent	Against pavilion upright
	Hiding	Behind pavilion upright
	Pushing the pavilion over	By leaning against the upright
	Impersonating Superman	(see above)
	Staring x 2		50p
	Cob
	Arguing
			£4.75
Matt B	Subs avoidance
	Drop		50p
	Setting a poor example	Chairman not paying subs
	Being in debt	(see above)
	Impersonating Greece	(see above)
	Impersonating Spain	(see above)
	Impersonating Iceland	(see above)
	Impersonating Ireland	(see above)
	Hogging stats	Not providing up-to-date stats for Spam to update the website, thus affecting Homer’s Fixture Cards (sadly out of date)
	Pork scratching avoidance
	Using face instead of hands	To stop the ball
	Impersonating Salad	(see above)
	Impersonating Jake	Historical fine relating to Jake using his face whilst keeping to stop the ball
	Being unoriginal	(see above)
	Smug x 2		50p
	Hysteria x 2		50p
			£4.75
Pearson	Acting out of character	Turning up not wearing whites
	Uber-extreme-smugness		£1.00
	Bullying Homer	Updated Fixture Cards now requiring green ink because we won this game
	Hogging the batting
	Average protection
	Complaining	Despite scoring a maiden hundred for The Mad
	Bullying driftwood	Swapping his bat for the club On Hand bat midway through his innings
	Hogging team total	Scoring 56.22% of Mad score
	Bullying the Mad tail	Not allowing them to bat
	Speculation	On the sexiness of female tennis players (on adjoining courts)
	Premature hundred celebration	Celebrating in the 80s (team were applauding his record number of sixes)
	Self entrapment	“My parents think I’m good.”
	Staring
	Hysteria
	Jug avoidance	After bagging a ton
			£4.50
JMO	Padding up avoidance	“I won’t be needed.” (to bat)
	Overly confident	(see above)
	Arguing x 2	With Fines Committee	50p
	Bad attitude	Constant bickering
	Arrogance	Assumption of being always correct
	Muttering	Under his breath
	Scowling
	Increasing bad attitude	Defensive posture now in force
	Staring and glaring	At everyone in an intimidating manner
	Catch avoidance	Despite the ball being almost directly above him – he left it to his team mates
	Harbouring a cob x 2		50p
	Blaming team	For own shortfalls
	Bitching x 2	About everyone / anything	50p
	Disinterest	In fines
	Hysteria x 2		50p
	Distracted	By sledging
			£5.00
Salad	Impersonating Carl Froch	Busted lip (from ball)
	Impersonating Mike Tyon	(see above)
	Hogging plastic surgery	(see above)
	Hospital avoidance	Immediately after injury
	Swallowing tissue	Whilst mopping up his claret
	Intimidation x 3	Staring at teammates	75p
	Being goofy	When grinning with injury
	Failure	To be happy
	Bowling shit	His first spell
	Mixed leaf (salad)	(see above)
	Hat-trick avoidance	Finished spell with 2 wickets in 2 balls
	Picking on bunnies	(see above)
	Forlorn
	Acting gay	Drinking (with his injury)
	Wincing like a pansy	(see above)
	Hysteria
			£4.50
Bob	Slow running	Ran out
	Excessive wearing of pads	Waiting to bat
	Driving a dentist’s car	Van avoidance
	Driving his missus’ car	Shame of it
	Having a dog’s head key ring	(see above)
	Smug x 3		75p
	Hysteria x 2		50p
	Impersonating Darren Brown	Hypnotic spell of bowling
	#11 avoidance	Batted at #5
	Intimidation	Staring at Deputy Fines Chairman
	Arguing	About his fines
	Over celebrating	His first wicket (bowled)
	Pensive
			£4.00
Psycho	Hiding behind pillar of pavilion x 3		75p
	Drop		50p
	Childlike behaviour	Playing hide and seek (behind the pillar)
	Hysteria x 2		50p
	Being a part of a circus	Juggling the ball (drop)
	Illegal parking	At pub
	Cob	After drop
	Smug x 2		50p
	Bullying Bob	By batting at #11
			£3.50
Russ	Cob
	Drops x 2		£1.00
	Swearing at Fines
	Using knee	To catch a ball (drop)
	Impersonating Willem Dafoe	His role in the film ‘Platoon’ when he is shot and makes a right fucking meal of going down (after ball hit his knee)
	Excessive back peddling	When not getting to a catch (over his head)
	Producing shit	…Fixture Cards
	Comedy fielding	Every time the ball goes near him
	Being Homer	(see above)
	Green ink avoidance	In his Fixture Cards (the team have not won a game apparently)
	Extreme intimidation	Staring at Deputy Fines Chairman	50p
	Living in the past	Out of date kit
	Nervous behaviour	Tapping chair
	Hairdressers car
	Harbouring a cob
	Living in the 50s	¾ pants
	Excessive stretching	Before the game (only to get injured)
			£5.25
Reevsie	Being far too honest	Idiot
	Drop		50p
	Self entrapment x 2		50p
	Exposing Matt B	“You’re in fucking debt to the club!”
	Muttering under his breath
	Comedy fielding
	MOTM avoidance	Another non-descript performance
	Not paying attention	During fines
	Extreme cob
	Hysteria
	Hydration problems	Drinking during fines
	Opening bowler no wicket		50p
	Tutting
	Derek & Clive impersonation
	Wistful
	Dissing Mark Shelley	Even though Shelley was not at the match to defend himself
	Living in the past	Bitching about Mark Shelley
	Tyrannical behaviour	“Shelley is a pain in the arse.”
			£5.25
Ian H	Bowling Salad	He was shit
	Losing the toss		50p
	Bowling avoidance
	Dissing Paddy	Even though he was not at the match to defend himself
	Batting out of character	Extreme restraint
	Allowing Giant Duck to clog the airwaves	Spamming mailboxes
	Living in the past	Opening the batting
	Suffocating Giant Duck	Cruelly left him in the car all day with the windows shut
	Acting out of character	Excessive PMA
	Hiding	Behind the pavilion pillar during fines
	Hysteria
	Picking on Psycho	With Fines power
	Threatening Salad	I’ll spray you in the mouth (with freeze spray)	50p
	Chav-like behaviour	Sunbathing
	Eating chips	Whilst fielding
	Poor attention	During fines
	Mumbling like a spastic
	Harbouring a cob x 2		50p
			£5.25
		TOTAL	£51.25

*

Special Rates

Indiscretion	Cost
Duck	£0.50
Golden Duck	£1.00
Diamond or Platinum Duck	£2.00
Out Playing Reverse-sweep / Switch-hit	£1.00
Dropped Catch	£0.50
Opening Bowler No Wicket	£0.50
Opening Partnership < 25 Avoidance	£0.50
Smoking on the Pitch	£0.50
Drinking on the Pitch	£0.50
Missed Stumping	£0.50
Missed Run-Out	£0.50
Fines' Folder Abuse	£0.50
Impersonating Billy Liar	£0.50
Having a Major Cob	£0.50
Having a Parkinson’s Cob (utter meltdown)	£1.00
Uber (anything) – particularly arrogant, smug or condescending	£0.50
Extreme (anything) – particularly Frowning	£0.50
Insulting the Fines Committee Chairman	£1.00
Insolvency / Unemployment (maximum limit) Known as the “Dobner Clause”	£1.00
Swearing in Front of Kids	£2.50
Bringing the Club into Disrepute (Ruled on by the Captain)	£5.00
Dissent (to On-field Umpires)	£5.00
Mongoose Multiplier (out using Goose)	x2